Rage's Unfinished Posts

I just found these. Most were written early this year. -Rant

The fallowing is truly my most shallow excuse for remaining a Catholic:


ATHEISTS ARE JERKS

I said it once, I'll say it again.

ATHEISTS ARE JERKS

Literally, I am yet to meet an Atheist I could handle. Not one. They all act as a unified force of mean.


Now, I know most of you atheist whom of which read the Raging Hobbit will get offended. (All 2 of you) But that's because you're a jerk who can't take a joke! Anyway, Back to the sad truth about the atheists. I know, I know, your not ALL jerks. And you don't really ever act like a jerk, EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO RELIGION!!! You always have to try and convert us happy religious types.

Here's an exact quote from out friend Theo "Woodpusher" Coyne: "Hey, Nick, prove to me God is real!"

Here's the next one.. -Rant

It has come to my attention that the reputation of our happy little town of Montclair is one of purely evil slander. Let me show you:

Verona: White, Rich
Bloomfield: Urban, Poor-ish, Ghetto, Montclair Sr.
Cedar Grove: Pathetic, Funny, The town with the rotting remains of an asylum, (basically the Nick Harras of towns in Essex County.)
Clifton: Rich, Awesome, Friends with everyone
Waine: ...
Montclair: Rich/Poor, White/Ghetto, GAY!!!

No, but actually, Montclair is like... the gayest town within 10 miles. And it breaks my heart. My gay, little, Montclairian heart.

Here's the third. -Rant

Hello and G'day! I decided to write a little more about morons...err...mormons! Once again, in advance, I apologies to the mormons. Actually, I don't. You guys don't have internet access! Hahahahahaha! Take it! Your "Bible" forbids "internets!"

So, I decided to steal one of your "Bibles" from one of your "holy impounds" full of your "wives" as in "daughters."

Mormon list of holidays:

Christmas: The celebration of the birth of Jesus. Did you know that Mary was actually Jesus's daughter?

Easter: The death of Jesus. It's that time of year again! Have a child with your daughter!

Great Papa's birthday: Rejoice! Have a threesome with your daughter!

The best for last, here is another unfinished kitten post. -Rant

Well, I was going to post a link saying "Funny Video," as the most hilarious joke ever, but I was trying to add a scared face picture, and when I Googled "gasp" all that came up was, no, not porn, but kittens; which are nude, therefore kitten porn.

Original Notes By Rage

So, what better way to mourn MJ then too watch all of his Music Videos on Youtube, right? Wrong. Youtube's video comments are the most pointless, crappy, blatantly racist wastes of gigabytes I've ever seen. I'm pretty sure the big fat rich Google team could care less who writes what and where. People were being so racist it's not even funny. I think that if someone knows someone who knows someone who knows any of the big fat idiots who don't have a comment moderating feature on Youtube, they should like, yell at them or something.

People are so stupid

So maybe the Mayans predicted the world would end in 2012,but you know what, I've got no retorts that don't have to do with Ralf Nader, so screw those old dead guys. Here's my evidence. Let's start with Farrah. She was a chick. Now she's dead. Oh no. But then...MJ? How does this happen? It's gotta be some kinda conspiracy! And now Billy Mays? That guy was my favorite annoying commercial screamer! I think I'll go buy ten bottles of Oxi-Clean in his memory. So there're three dead famous people. Now this all started in 1963 with JFK. Did you know he was carrying a piece of the All-Spark with him before he was sniped down by Lee Harvey Oswald, AKA the Terminator? So I've discovered something while wasting my first precious days of summer getting fatter and typing on the computer. America is wasting away. All saround us is war. There's about as much hope as there is oil left in the world. I'm not being serious, by the way. I'd only be saying that if I were old and white. And I am white, but that's besides the point. I like to think of myself as a more tanish caramel blend. Back to the point, we're heading into judgement day! Armageddon. The apocalypse is near! And do you know how to prevent it? Do you know how to save the Earth? I'm sure you want to. You know you want to. Well, here's how. Give me 4 million dollars, all of your computers, and some really hot chicks. Then I'll ask God to spare you or something.

Don't take this personally. Who ever doesn't gets paddled.

Now I'm afraid someone is gonna take me seriously and call the FBI. Crap. Ignore this entire note.

Haha are you still reading? Lemme tell you, you're wasting SOOO much of your life.

26 seconds! Wow!

Lemme get this BS straight. I have held on two my Cell Phone for more than two years now. My same, crappy LG gray phone Razor-Rip Off. Everyone else, started out with a somewhat better phone. Of course, there were people who had worse phones, but not many. Now here comes the good part. I may seems a little-stalkerish for keeping track.

6 people dropped their phone
2 people got their phone cracked in half when...
...5 people were frustrated that they left their phone in their pants before a wash just after talking to the...
...Nick Harras 1 person who dropped their phone off a rollercoaster
and the 43 people who had a phone for only one year but decided to throw it down a well so their parents can help the economy buy buying a new one or something.

So, every one of those people got a brand new, sparkly phone. Some got an envy, the lucky ones got Iphones or blackberrys, some simply got brand shiny new versions of their old phone.

So, I asked my mom for an upgrade. You know her exact response? F$%^ NO!

No luck, so I'm looking for suggestions, should I....

A. Chuck my phone at someones head
B. Pretend to trip and smash my phone through a window
C. Eat a sandwich while holding my phone, accidentally bite phone (Preferred, it would knock out my last baby tooth.)
D. Magnetize it
E. Put it in the fridge
Or F. pretend to be talking to someone when I hear a pop (me stepping on bubble-wrap) get surprised and drop phone into glass of water.

But really, folks, my best bet would be a hammer accident. Toss out suggestions please!

-Rage, kind of

You Have Now Ventured Into an Empty Un-Formatted Blog. Congratulations.

Lemme start by saying, it would have been cooler if congratulations was on a second line and a bit smaller, to add a sarcastic hint. Well that would be comedy. Oh well. Here, you have a blog, started by someone else, the other guy, who decided it's funny to call short people who talk a lot angry Hobbits. I thought it was funny too. But no, none of that could be, the great dream of the future was crushed, because some fat, friendless, 40-year-old (note the alliteration) took that domain name. Now I am raging. No offense to the latter mentioned. And you know, that brings back memories. Memories of people I hate, so I give you fare warning, you may be offended.

#1 Bloggers. What idiots, who cares what they think. They're probably all fat too. I mean, some fat people can be cool, but no bloggers.

#2 Book authors. Ever read a good book, love it very much, then look at the back cover and see some big fat idiot who you instantly hate? Authors ruin good books.

#3 Pelopel woh cna't spleel.

#7 People who can't count

#8 Hypocrites

#9 Secretaries. With all their time on the computer, I bet they're bloggers.

#10 People who repeat themselves.

#11 People who repeat themselves.

#12 People who start running out of good and hilarious ideas and start repeating themselves.

#13 People who have a lot to say, so they put it all in a blog.

#14 Nazis. Those mustaches, nuff' said.

#16 Bad editors who cut out numbers, AKA people who can't count.

#17 Surgeons. They save the lives of people that I hate. Added: Surgeons pretend to work hard on you, but they just want money, then they let you die.

#18 Flying toasters. WHAT is wrong with those things, can't they just leave me alone?

#19 Advertisers. They're all ove- Buy Oxi-Clean! -r the place!

#20 Hurricane Victims. What jerks.

#21 Farrah Fawcett. She killed everyone, including MJ.

#22 Disney: They killed everyone, including poor Farrah Faucet.

#23 Excessively dark people.

#24 The director of Epic Movie. I bet his favorite seen was the porno part. What's his name, Quentine Tarantino? Wait...

#25 Adam Sandler. If I hear one more F#$%ing movie about bed time stories, I'll wring his
neck.

#26 Nickelodeon. Disney #2?

#27. People who add suggestions to people I hate. I hate who I hate, got that moron? P.S. I hate you.

#28-Suggested by The Other Guy: Fat Doctors, they keep telling you to go on a diet when they need to themselves. I hope they die of an artery fluke.

#29 . The Other Guy.

#30 Ugly people dating each other. They scarred me for life, and turned me into a dark, brooding person.

#32 People who forget easily, If you don't remember things, how can you hate? Like the way I will always hate people who can't count.

#33. I forgot the name for #32. What was it again? Oh yeah, amnesia patients.

#34 Amnesia patients. The always forget what they just did.

#35 PDF documents. Just look at them.

#35 People who drag things out forever.

#36 People who make rash inside jokes in public places where no one will get them. Pumpkins, pumpkins, pumpkins.

#37 People who fall in love with non existent things, like Sparkling Vampires.

#38 I <3 Princess Leia.

#39 People who make knock knock jokes.

#40 People who just don't get it. AckJay IeldsFay. I bet he'll never know I just talked about him.
#43 To end on an odd number, I'll wrap this up with the one thing I hate the most in the world. More than people who forget what they just did, and more than people who repeat themselves a lot, more than people who can't spell or count, Bloggers. The biggest idiots in the world. So I weclome you to the world of self-hating elehpant pig eating fliyng toatsers who (don''t) lkie to say Hlelo!

Editors note: Excsure teHTypsos.

-Rage, and Rant.

The Raging Hobbit

The Raging Hobbit is complaint blog, where we talk about things we don't like, where we sum up recent news, where the conversation ends.

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