It Happened In A Day...

We reached 10 followers and got two wall posts almost immediately after my going on strike. We managed not to miss a day, which is good. I would like to talk about corn for a little. Corn on the cob is great. Corn chips are amazing. And of course popcorn, is one of the best foods. Do you know what I hate? Frozen corn in a bag that you microwave and put some butter on. It tastes like dead people! Its terrible! I feel sick when I eat it. Come on, if you want corn, just smear some butter on the cob and shove it down your mouth. You don't need to buy frozen corn, heat it up, put butter on, and eat it, just eat it normally. Do you know what else tastes bad? I mean, REALLY BAD? Some flavored water stuff they have at the cafeteria at lunch. I had some mango flavored water or whatever, and do you know what it tasted like? Ok, ever noticed how after it rains, theres like a little river of garbage juice coming from dumps? Well, say you leave that in the sun for a few weeks and mash a little mango in it. It tastes just a little worse than that. It also kind of taste like gasoline, OH! I KNOW WHAT IT REMINDS ME OF! Ok, ever had the chain fall off while your biking? And you try to get the chain back on the bike and theres all this black grease on your hands? Thats EXACTLY what it tastes AND smells like! I know, I have never tried that black grease, but it smells the same, and it tastes like it smells. Our 10th follower also tried it, so I have proof in case you don't beleaf me! Another thing I will mention... Hideki Matsui= coolest Asian guy ever. Credit goes to Lee Johnson.

...Rant

The Raging Hobbit is Going On Strike

The Raging Hobbit was upset to find out that we had a one star post quality rating on our Facebook page insights. I was a bit enraged, but I soon saw why. Although I am consistent with my posts, nobody is commenting on the posts, becoming a follower, or writing on the Facebook wall! OK, so we WONT make ANY MORE POSTS until we have 10 FOLLOWERS and ONE WALL POST. This is directed towards not only the 14 PEOPLE who are Facebook fans but don't follow, but even the followers, who haven't made any wall posts for suggestions, compliments, un-compliments or whatever, or other things to say. Come on, people, we can do better than this. So if you are reading this, and I know you are, please go to Facebook RIGHT NOW and write SOMETHING on the wall. If you are not a follower, JUST CLICK "FOLLOW". Its the orange button guys, one click! Jesus, I tell you to follow on like every post and its the easiest thing in the world, so like the athletic shoe company says, JUST DO IT. God, guys..

...Rant

Who Is Watching Me Right Now?

This is it..I am finally going to talk about religion. I guess some parts of religion are ok, they can make people nicer and there are good morals, but doesn't it seem like every bad theme is linked to religion? Terrorism, racism, The Raging Hobbit...there are so many things about religion that make people mad. CHILL OUT! Ok, somone believes in a different god than you, WHO CARES? deal with it! Seriously, how many wars have been started over which is the "right" religion? Se if you were an Atheist, this would make more sense to you. Put yourself into the body of an Atheist right now (I mean this metaphorically)..everyone is fighting over how to celebrate and practice the worship of the biggest hoax on earth- God. Its like, if millions of people died in a war over who is better-Bigfoot or the Lochness Monster, as a stupid example. They are both fake, and if this was understood, nobody would be dead. Another thing I hate is when you have to capitalize god, or when someone says "god damn" on the radio, they bleep out god, not damn, because you can't say gods name in vain! Even though he isn't real! Interesting fact- a good percentage of people who go to church or temple or mosque don't believe in god. Including me. Even though I think most of the stuff in the Bible is untrue, there are certain morals that are important, and I need to learn to cooperate with the people around me. False. My parents make me go. You thought I was serious, right? Anyway, another thing is the whole idea that your dead family is watching you. Although it may be comforting, it isn't at all. Some things we do, we would rather NOBODY see. Except for me, the glorious Rant, who is perfect. Also, God can't be watching everyone at the same time. Neither can Santa Claus. And if the tooth fair existed, she would be broke/dead, but she would have a hella lot of teeth. Hella, isn't that just so fun to say? Anyway, another thing about god is that, if he existed, WHAT HAS HE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST 2,000 OR SO YEARS? There are so many things wrong with us right now, what is god doing? Trying to make another son of god because the last one didn't really help at all? Really, if I had to choose a religion besides Buddhism, I would pick Judaism, because Jesus hasn't done anything to help us- like at all. There is still war, poverty, and hate! Religion is like a potato chip, crunchy and oily, and sometimes barbecue flavored. Enjoy your potato chip.

...Rant

Political Correction and Tasty Processed Strawberries!

I was going to say something, but I forgot. Enjoy the picture!

-Rage

I Just Got a Call...

...that was telling me to vote for Jon Corzine. It was one of those machine calls, so you can't tell the guy to take you off the list. Ok, I am going to vote! Chill out! I don't need a million flyers on my door telling me to vote, the only thing that does is make me LESS willing to vote because I hate flyers and robot calls and spam E-Mails! Everyone join me, in the revolt against robot callers. Here's how it works. You wait for the robot to finish talking. Now as if that wasn't hard enough, you have you choose the option to talk to a real person. Here's what NOT to do- Tell the guy to take you off the list. Because they are told that if someone asks that, they have to hang up the phone, and nothing gets accomplished. Heres what to do.

Ask the telemarketer to marry you. Seriously, this will probably shock them and they won't know what to say.
When they ask for the man of the house, ask them to hold; then put a 2-year-old on the phone.
Talk really fast.
Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static.
Make up your own language. Speak it.
Hang up.
Make up a one word language. Speak it.
Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?"
If they say "Yes" to number 6 say, "Please state the nature of the emergency." Then insist that their emergency isn't an emergency. Hang up.
If they say "No" to number 6 say, "I'm sorry but this line is for emergencies only." Hang up.
Pretend you just took hostages, and make demands.
Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the telemarketer to release the hostages.
Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub.
Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! "
Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.
Claim to be the mafia.
Say, "Moe's tavern Moe speaking."
Say something that Moe would say to Bart after Bart makes a prank call.
Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper subscription.
Say, "Oh no! It's the Feds! They're on to us!"
Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. How may I help you?"
Dial *69. Wait about a minute and say, "Dang unreliable *69."
Speak a foreign language.
If you do # 24 and the telemarketer gets a person who speaks the language you used, speak another language, use a made up language, or say that you were speaking English the whole time.
Say, "Help! I'm being robbed! He's got a gun!"
Communicate only through Morse code.
Talk to the telemarketer. During the conversation dial the phone, and ask for Bill. Do this repeatedly.
Try to sell the telemarketer something.
Act drunk.
Turn on your shower. Say that you are on a portable phone and are really late for an important meeting. Scream as though you were electrocuted.
Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is a strong scent of bacon over the phone.
Ask if he/she has been to Australia. Regardless of his/her answer ask if you can buy a boomerang and didgeridoo.
If he/she says "No" to #36 insist that he/she buy yours.
If he/she says "Yes" to #36 ask if he/she will take a strange currency.
Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently.
Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy because you couldn't see him/her dance.
Make him/her sing to get a sale.
If a male sings for #41, claim that he sounds like Brittany Spears.
If a female sings for #41, claim that she sounds like Barry White.
Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."
Engage him/her in an "intellectual" conversation on an extremely boring subject.
Say nothing until he/she hangs up.
Say, "I told you. I don't know where your dog is!" Then hang up.
Keep crackers near the phone. When a telemarketer calls eat the crackers. Chew loudly, make slurping noises, and talk with your mouth full. If you want pretend that you are choking.
After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone number. Call the telemarketer.
Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.
If he/she is selling a newspaper or magazine, go on and on about how great another newspaper/magazine is.
Pretend you are a telemarketer from a rival company. Get him/her to buy your product.
Say, "Yes" immediately to whatever they are selling and hang up immediately afterwards.
Get a dog or cat and let it lick and step all over the phone.

Now, that should probably cause the telemarketer to get angry, now if he hears these a bunch, he may quit his/her job, and if a bunch of people do this, the entire telemarketer community will all lose their jobs and/or commit suicide! Hahahahaha!!! Yes, I know, this probably won't work, in fact, It won't work, but it's fun anyway. Now, you can enjoy your next call from a telemarketer, thanks to your buddy Rant!

...Rant