Pilgrims

A couple things that PISS ME OFF about both Black Friday and Thanksgiving. First off, never use say "Black Friday" to a black person. I mistakenly did this last week. There is no alternative to the name "black friday", so i just try not to bring it up. Also, if theres one group of people that I hate more than anime fans, its crazed shoppers. (and jehova's witnesses). You see, these sad little people called shoppers are like a huge stampede of elephants. They don't care about any damn thing except them and the thing they are buying. Nothing can stop them. NOTHING! Face it shoppers, within one week of having whatever you bought, you aren't excited over it anymore. Shoppers, you suck! Moving on to Thanksgiving. When you were little, your class had to cut out little cliché Thanksgiving pictures, am I right? Why are the turkeys always alive and happy? Thanksgiving isn't a holiday that glamorizes happy turkeys, its a holiday where we EAT the turkeys! When have you actually seen a live turkey on Thanksgiving? Speaking of things you NEVER SEE on Thanksgiving, what the hell is that huge cone thing with the vegetables in it??? WHAT IS IT? Its has completely infested all Thanksgiving clip art, we even had to cut them out as little kids, yet it is a mystery as to what the hell it is! Me and my dad are still debating about whether its a woven thing, some sort of edible cone, or a huge hallowed out gourd. To clear this up, no one cares about "giving thanks", huge cones full of pumpkins, or "celebration and history". It is also NOT about pilgrims. They suck! They had a horrible sense of style! Pilgrim outfits left a huge dent in the world of fashion. Let me tell you what 21st century Thanksgiving is like. It is about having friends and family over and cooking, eating, and washing dishes. I take about 10 minutes to finish my food. My family takes about an hour at a formal meal, and as for thanksgiving, up to 4 and a half hours. I timed it last year. And its impolite to fall asleep at the dinner table, so I have no choice but to listen to the conversation. Fuck thanksgiving.

...Rant

Why Anime Fans Suck.

Ok, Anime is not THAT bad, but please do not put a cartoon japanese lady with a humungous awkward dress as your profile picture. Why are people so obsessed with it? I always think that anime fans are all closeted psychopaths, because there is always just something thats off about these people. Its like they are a sub-category of humans. And why do anime fans always have a horrible sense of style? Oh, look at this asian drawing of a woman with a dress that has a 9 foot radius, maybe i should come to school and make myself look like a complete retard! And why is it so popular in anime culture to not be completely human? Look at anime, and you will likely see a relatively normal asian with huge pink ears, a tail, or maybe fangs! Anime people have extremely long hair, most are albino, and the guys all look like douchebags. Find me one anime guy that you can look at an honestly say "wow, this guy doesn't look like a complete tool!". Anime eyes are so enormous that they take of 70% of the skull. And there is always some weird light reflecting from their eyes, and they always look so innocent and asian. But the guys don't look asian at all! Whats with that? I wouldn't call anime a high form of art in any respect. Why is child prostitution so common in anime? Anime porn takes creepy to completely frightening. My anime tolerance goes like this

1. If you draw anime, I guess it could look impressive.

2. If you read it on occasion, I can stand being around you.

3. If you read it obsessively, I dislike you.

4. If you put it as your profile picture, I hate you.

5. If you tag yourself as the girl in the picture, I am afraid of you.

6. If you have a bookshelf with over 40% anime, and/or have a photo album on facebook titles something like "anime", I will try to stay as far away as possible.

7. If you talk to me about anime, I call the cops.

Among the things that irritate me are

1. Anime (of course)

2. Japanese collectibles

3. Modern Art

4. People who like modern art.

5. Creepy smiles

6. Baby Ruths

7. Lacrosse

8. Tea Party protesters

9. Lil Waynes laugh

10. Microsoft

11. The smell of green olives

12. Pickles

13. People who are so fat that they buy themselves motorized chairs

14. Catholics..

15. Religion in general. Particularly Catholics.

16. People who smell like coffee and marijuana. (no names mentioned)

Just because it is kind of similar, I decided to add a list of all the little things I enjoy.

1. The smell of airplanes

2. Wind

3. Finding a french fry at the bottom of the bag

4. Lil Orbit's mini-doughnuts

5. When annoying celebrities go to rehab.

Thats about it.

...Rant

What The Hell Happened? (Full Version)

Ok, I was lurking around on Facebook, and Jack messages me, and I immediately thought, oh, he's going to complain about Teddy or talk about homework! But to my surprise, he told me that the Raging Hobbit was DELETED. Now this completely ruins the story because as you are reading this post, you must be thinking "well, Jack is full of shit, and the story is ruined because I know the Raging Hobbit wasn't deleted". But anyway, I go on myself, and sure enough, it said the blog was removed. I immediately think "NICK, THAT HOMO BAG OF WHORE" and I was ready to blow up his house, when I went back, and suddenly I stared into the eyes of Uncle Ruckus and a creepy stuffed head, and I was silently debating on whether is was good, because RH wasn't deleted, or bad, because I didn't get to hurl a tornado of destruction towards Nick. Then I decided to post, because evidently SOME people still read the blog.

Maybe I should make a list of insults that I've heard that don't make sense.

So I'll do that.

Rant's List Of Insults That Don't Make Sense

"Homo" - I guess you could argue that it could mean something along the lines of "HOMOSEXUAL", but still, its actually just a prefix that means "the same".  Prefix insults are bush league.

"Scrub"- Didn't we used to do that to dishes? Its a verb, fucksticks.

"Fucksticks"- Its a dumb insult. I guess it could make sense, but we have enough insults relating to penises.

"BAG OF WHORE"- For some reason, this particular defamation is always used in all caps.

"Sperm Bank"- I don't need to explain why this insult sucks.

"Fuckaroo or Motherfuckeroo"- I guess its fun to say, but it sounds stupid!

"Bag of Douche"- Don't make me kill you. The term is "douchebag"

Yes, I've heard all of these insults being used.  Mostly by the same person.

Now we move on to something different: phrases.

"Shut Your Ass"- Used to replace "shut up". although "shut your ass" means something entirely different than "stop talking".  It actually seems more like something you'd say to your dog who can't stop farting in front of the guests.  "Hey Rufus!  Shut your ass!  It smells like a god damn shit factory in here!"

"What the Shit"- If I was an old irish lady, I would beat people with my handbag every time they said this.  God damn, this one really makes my eye twitch.

"Shit the Fuck!" - I HAVE heard this, usually when someone messes up putting their words together in some way. Not sure if they were trying to put together something creative, or if they tried to say "SHIT!" and "WHAT THE FUCK!" at the same time.  It really makes you sound like a fool, no matter how angry you are.

"Zip Your Face"- ITS ONLY FUNNY IF STEVE CARELL SAYS IT.  Stop trying to quote movie insults that are supposed to be stupid.  This and these fucking Step-Brothers insults.  Stop already.  

-Rant

Rage's Unfinished Posts

I just found these. Most were written early this year. -Rant

The fallowing is truly my most shallow excuse for remaining a Catholic:


ATHEISTS ARE JERKS

I said it once, I'll say it again.

ATHEISTS ARE JERKS

Literally, I am yet to meet an Atheist I could handle. Not one. They all act as a unified force of mean.


Now, I know most of you atheist whom of which read the Raging Hobbit will get offended. (All 2 of you) But that's because you're a jerk who can't take a joke! Anyway, Back to the sad truth about the atheists. I know, I know, your not ALL jerks. And you don't really ever act like a jerk, EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO RELIGION!!! You always have to try and convert us happy religious types.

Here's an exact quote from out friend Theo "Woodpusher" Coyne: "Hey, Nick, prove to me God is real!"

Here's the next one.. -Rant

It has come to my attention that the reputation of our happy little town of Montclair is one of purely evil slander. Let me show you:

Verona: White, Rich
Bloomfield: Urban, Poor-ish, Ghetto, Montclair Sr.
Cedar Grove: Pathetic, Funny, The town with the rotting remains of an asylum, (basically the Nick Harras of towns in Essex County.)
Clifton: Rich, Awesome, Friends with everyone
Waine: ...
Montclair: Rich/Poor, White/Ghetto, GAY!!!

No, but actually, Montclair is like... the gayest town within 10 miles. And it breaks my heart. My gay, little, Montclairian heart.

Here's the third. -Rant

Hello and G'day! I decided to write a little more about morons...err...mormons! Once again, in advance, I apologies to the mormons. Actually, I don't. You guys don't have internet access! Hahahahahaha! Take it! Your "Bible" forbids "internets!"

So, I decided to steal one of your "Bibles" from one of your "holy impounds" full of your "wives" as in "daughters."

Mormon list of holidays:

Christmas: The celebration of the birth of Jesus. Did you know that Mary was actually Jesus's daughter?

Easter: The death of Jesus. It's that time of year again! Have a child with your daughter!

Great Papa's birthday: Rejoice! Have a threesome with your daughter!

The best for last, here is another unfinished kitten post. -Rant

Well, I was going to post a link saying "Funny Video," as the most hilarious joke ever, but I was trying to add a scared face picture, and when I Googled "gasp" all that came up was, no, not porn, but kittens; which are nude, therefore kitten porn.

Note Things

This Facebook note situation is getting extreme. The 35 things no one cares about note idea has moved to a whole new demographic- that same crew who changes their middle name to "Lautner" and throws a party every time a new Twilight movie comes out. So this means that not only are they taking up wall space, but I also get notifications for it. Having not much to do, I looked at some of these notes, and to be honest, I wouldn't be able to tell any of them apart. Now, since the Raging Hobbit demographic is not these type of people and chances are they aren't reading this post, I can talk about them all I want. So every one has at least four "facts" about how they love/miss their friends, a fact about how they're friends are so nice to them, 2 facts about Jersey Shore/or Snooki, not only that, but EVERY SINGLE ONE is called something like "so this is 35 facts, right?" or "35 facts, I guess". NO. You do not GUESS, or THINK anything. You do not sound cooler by pretending to not understand the concept, which, incidentally, is incredibly easy. you write 35 things about yourself. And you obviously understood it when you were writing the note, so you don't need to pretend you don't get it anymore. Let me just tell you that when I wrote the post "Penis Crackers" It was made as a joke towards my friends, who were the only ones doing this at the time, and YES, I DID make one, but only 2 other people had done it at the time. So stop giving me crap about it!

So I thought it would be nice to close off with one last note

35 Things About The Raging Hobbit

1. I just realized after having ranted about facebook notes, that The Raging Hobbit spawned from Greg's Facebook Notes.

2. I can call him Greg now because he left Raging Hobbit

3. The month with the most posts was Spetember 2009 (24), followed by April 2010 (21)

4. The month with the least posts were February and June 2010, both with 0

5. The Raging Hobbit started September 2, 2009

6. The post "Rant's Complete List of True Celebrity Rumors And Brief Rant On American Idol" was supposed to be the last Raging Hobbit post.

7. The post "Teen Idols" is the only Raging Hobbit Post not to be posted right after it was written. It was in Raging Hobbit Limbo for about 2 months. The picture was made after.

8. "The Ranta Score" was the longest post to write (over 3 weeks), and is also the longest post to date. [Update, the longest post is now Ultimate Rant Time, but it did not take as long to write..]

9. Rage (Greg) has said he would quit Raging Hobbit 3 times and counting

10. Rant has 92 posts, Rage has had 25.

11. Every single post has a picture.

12. The shortest post to date is "Fat Pirates"

13. The Jack Fields Posts has more pictures than any other post (6).

14. The only posts ever to be removed from Raging Hobbit are "Crappy Fanmail" and Jack's post about mailmen.

15. The post that has been edited the most over time is the first one, "The Raging Hobbit"

16. The Raging Hobbit logo has been changed 4 times.

17. The post with the most comments is "The Longest Post. Ever."

18. Its not the longest post ever.

19. The first post that comes up on google when you search "Raging Hobbit" is "Sunday Morning Rant?"

20. I gave up on sunday morning rants a while back.

21. This blog was originally going to be called "The Angry Midget"

22. "The Angry Midget" was supposed to be Greg.

23. The Facebook page for Raging Hobbit came before the blog.

24. The first follower was Teddy

25. I've had "Eye of the Tiger" on repeat the whole time I've been writing this post.

26. My name was originally going to be "Louis Breckley", not Rant.

27. Greg was going to be "The Angry Midget"

28. "Louis Breckley and The Angry Midget" just sounded too much like a 90's family sit-com.

29. theangrymidget.blogspot.com was taken by some guy who only posted once in 2008, and it was a bunch of jokes he copied and pasted from CollegeHumor.

30. I'm still listening to Eye of the Tiger

31. Longest post name- "I Haven't Posted In A While But I Will Start Posting More Because I finished Standardized Testing And A History Report"

32. Shortest Post Name- "Post 100"

33. Of the many things I complain about, I've never complained about the weather.

34. Technically, only three other people have posted besides me and Greg. (Jack, Corrina, and Rage 9.2.1)

35. IDK!!

...Rant