Who the Fuck Still Reads The Raging Hobbit?

Wow, it's my first time logging into The Raging Hobbit since, well, March 2012.  Ok, that's not too bad.  I've left behind a legacy of broken promises.  Sunday rants?  Yeah, didn't do that.  Annual Christmas rant?  Yeah, didn't do that.  Updating the blog at all in any way?  Pshhh.  I feel like I should apologize or something, but the thing is...

Nobody fucking reads this blog.

Who am I again?  Rant?  That's my pseudonym?  Who's the other guy again?  I'm not even sure if he remembers the password.  It took me a few tries to get it right.

I feel like I'm blogging at a brick wall.

Reflection time.  I'm looking at my old blog posts.  Shitty here, shitty there. Interesting here, funny there, shitty there.  As a year-older version of myself a year ago, this blog seems like a mixed bag, a lot of hit and miss topics, a lot of beating daed horses.  Some quality content.  Not much though.  Anyway, that's my critique of my own blog.  Maybe in a few years I'll do it again.

Holy shit, 23 followers.  That's about as many people as you can fit in my attic, if you really pack them tight.  It's a fair amount of people for such a mediocre blog, I guess.  But how many of them actually read the blog?  Who are they?  How did they find out about us?  I seem to remember our readers being mostly people I know personally, a few randoms, and a bunch of asians.  Remember the  2011 asian invasion?  Of course you don't- you don't read this blog.  In fact, you aren't even reading this right now.

What is the point of this post?  Why am I taking my time to write to people who aren't going to read this?  Am I trying to reboot the blog?  Of course not, I don't have any fucking time to write this blog.  Maybe I'll just turn it into a watered-down, simplified version of what it was before.

Why is there a tiger with Down Syndrome attached to this post?  is it because I always attach picture to my posts, even if its totally unnecessary?  

I used to make money from this blog?  Holy shit, I just remembered that.  That explains the shitty google ads on the side.

Wait, where are the ads?  Did my adsense account get shut down because my blog sucked too much?  Or was it because out of the zero readers we have, zero of them clicked on the ads?

Fuck, I have to fix that.  I think I actually made money from this once.

-rant  (is that how I do it?)

Shitting on Hitler

God damn it.  Seriously, whats offensive about a picture of Hitler?  Its not like I wrote "THIS GUY IS GREAT AND I SUPPORT HIM IN HIS JEW POLICIES".  Let me tell you what I did.  I posted a picture to a page with over 300,000 members, "Most Beautiful Teen Contest".  Its where fat ugly chicks post pictures of themselves from crazy angles and use painful "photo editing" to try to get likes from  sweaty horny arab boys.  The "most liked" picture is the "winner", although the admins of the page obviously have no fucking clue how to find out which picture has the most likes, and are just sitting back on their chairs with some popcorn watching the hell-hole they've created.  Anyway, I posted this picture of Adolph Hitler and wrote as a caption "I'm very shy plz be nice <3", a choice of words commonly seen on this page.  While the average picture got around 8 likes, this one got 43.  It also resulted in brilliant Hitler puns in the common section.  Facebook thought it necessary to take it down, as a violation of their shitty statements of rights and responsibilities.

What is offensive about this picture?  It is a picture of a person.  I challenge you to name ANY other person or figure I could have posted to facebook and would get removed.  Right, there are none.  But there ARE bad people.  The reason that only Hitler would get removed is because people associate Hitler with everything offensive and bad.  He's not even like a person anymore, he's like a symbol of evil that people are allowed to rage about, even if the picture used has nothing to do with the Holocaust.  Fuck that.  I can post pictures of Hitler if I want to.  Nothing offensive about that.  Hell, I could have even gone with Joseph Kony and not get removed.  And you know how people currently feel about Joseph Kony...

TL;DR Pictures of Hitler aren't offensive.  If you're that sensitive then go fuck yourself.

Printers and Forums

Fuck printers.  And fuck Mac forums.


Printers never seem to work completely correctly. Theres always some fucking error message. And there seems to be no easy solution to any printer problem. Whenever theres something wrong with my printer, I always just have to wait until it fixes itself. Nothing I have ever done has fixed a printer problem. I can fix all kinds of shit, but when it comes to printers, I don't even know where to start. On my mac, all it says is that it can't identify the problem. And on the printer, it can't even tell that my computer is trying to print something. There are like 5 buttons on my printer, and none of them seem to solve any problems. On my mac, the only buttons on the print window are "hold", "delete", and "job info". Job info just says "Can't print." No fucking shit. There needs to be a "Why won't it fucking print" button.

And FUCK Mac forums or any forum thats supposed to solve shit. Whenever I look up a computer related problem, it ALWAYS leads to one of these forums. I know they won't be helpful, but I always end up clicking them anyway. This is what I see.

Original poster says something like- "OK guys, I am a total n00b at printer/computer issues (at this point, my mind goes- 'yes! me too!'). My problem is that [insert my same exact problem here]. (At this point, my mind goes, "yes! he has the same problem and he is also a computer retard! jackpot!"). So I tried configuring the 28164 trifecta ethernet router HTML terminal control 7086 version install Rapety 5.001...."

Ok, stop there. You said you were a "computer n00b". You obviously know a ton of shit about computers, but you know slightly less than the people who know the most about computers, so you say you are a "noob" just to be a prick. Here are the answers I always end up getting:

Answerer 1- "I am having the same exact problem on my Dell Inspirion F5 Rapety Roethlisberger! Someone please answer!"

Wow, thanks. Someone else has the same problem.

Answerer 2-"I am experiencing these troubles on my HP Dickmunch 5.498097 Hitlerjizz."

Fuck you. I don't need to know who else has this problem.

Answerer 3-"i am also having this same problem. Anyone have an answer?"

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Scroll...scroll...scroll..scroll...

Answerer 280356932- "Configure the F98075 Hardon control panel terminal to 9017324 airplane asshole 26508 and then reset your hurrghghf and delete your hitlers."

Original Poster-"That didn't work"

I have given up. I am going to sit in this fucking room next to my printer until it finally prints my shit.

Horrible time for my printer to fail.

Just horrible.

I'm Getting Worried.

Facebook is the main source of my rage.  Those are only a few examples.

...Rant

Halloween Rescheduled Due To Some Snow And Fallen Trees.

"The town of Montclair, New Jersey has rescheduled Halloween festivities from October 31st to Friday, November 4th, due to inclement weather.  We have also moved this year's Christmas to NEXT year, and New Years is now on the third day of the year instead of the first."

But seriously.  My town rescheduled Halloween.  Heres what happened.

Friday, October 28th- Apparently its going to snow a little on Saturday, probably won't stick.  Cancel outdoor plans for tomorrow.

Saturday, October 29th- 

10:30 AM- its snowing a little, but not sticking.  Time to drive 39 miles to Green Brook NJ to get my airsoft gun fixed (at the time, this was very important).  

11:20 AM- Airsoft gun is fixed, its not snowing a little harder.  No biggie.

11:40 AM- HOREY SHIT FUCK.  Falling trees everywhere.  Cars skidding off roads.  Fucking branches faling on highway.  Snow is assraping every vehicle on the road.  Zombies attacking fucking neighborhood.  Where's the fucking army?

12:00 AM ish- How the fuck am I going to make it home alive?  Why did I have to go get my airsoft gun fixed today?  Why are the meteorologists so fucking retarded?  How could no one predict this shitstorm of snow and evil?  My car is almost out of gas, but every gas station is closed because they are out of power/ overrun by zombies.

12:20 AM-  Yes!  This gas station is open! (Waits behind 5 million cars to get gas).  (Fights off some zombies)

1:00 AM-  Holy shit, we are skidding off the road.  Fuck.  Fuck. We are about to hit that car.  Fuck.  Holy shit, its a fucking apocalypse.  Jesus fucking christ, where is everyones head?  Fuck!  Fuck!

2:00 AM-  Finally Home.  No power or internet.  Fuckshit.

Sunday, October 30th-  Still no power or internet.  Snow is melting.  Sanity being restored.

Monday, October 31st-  Snow almost all melted.  Trees being picked up, town is taking care of electrical problems.  Fuck yes, they cancelled school.  Halloweens going to be awesome.  Wait, they postponed it to Friday?  What is this shit?  

So thats basically what happened that weekend.  After an apocalypse on saturday, Montclair made an epic comeback and everything was fine by Monday.  But they still deemed it necessary to postpone Halloween.  At first I thought, "Well how could they do this?  Thats ridiculous!  No one will listen to that!"  But people actually bought this, and there were barely any trick or treaters on Halloween.  Way to kill a holiday completely, Montclair.  Sure, some kid might step on a live wire and electrocute his balls off, but thats all part of the festivities!  Adds to the excitement and thrill of halloween!  Avoiding falling trees and live wires makes Halloween and epic obstacle course of death and fun!  Why ruin that, Montclair!  This kind of storm only happens once in a never!  So after Monday, I thought, well, ok, maybe people will still show up on Friday.  But no one did, because thats retarded.  Way to go, Montclair.  I'll have to wait until NEXT year to chase little kids with chainsaws.