Ok, You Can Stop Crying...

I promise that Rage will make more posts, he just wants attention, He may hand the job over to someone else, but again, I still think he is lying. By popular request (one person) (Marshall Sandoval), I will talk about people with authority. People with authority, be it a cop, a person in government, or a woman in a green shirt who yells at people at bar mitzvahs, people who have authority tend to have little sympathy or respect for people not in authority. E.g...police officer pulls over person driving one mile an hour over speed limit....police officer arrests teens for "loitering" or literally standing in one stop for too long (I still can't figure that out)....or a woman in a green dress who yells at kids at bar mitzvahs for doing thing that are perfectly normal but not normal for women in green dresses at bar mitzvahs. One side note I will add is the concept of loitering. What kids of world do we live in that we get fined for standing in one spot? When I first head of this, I thought it was a joke, and I laughed. Then I found out that it was real, and there was a very long awkward silence. I always wanted to be arrested for loitering and then punch a cop in the face. That would be FUN! Anyway, what I was going to bring up, was a certain woman of authority in a green dress at a bar mitzvah. Whether it was going to the bathroom, watching TV, or even leaving the place, this woman would be enraged. She would threaten to kick us out, and she kept limiting our space to roam in the building. First it was STAY IN THE BUILDING. Then it was STAY OUT OF THE BAR/TV AREA. Then it was STAY IN THE DINING ROOM AND DON'T EVEN GO NEAR THE DOOR OR BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN. Just when I was afraid she would restrict us to the corners or under the tables, she mysteriously disappeared. Maybe she went back to the underworld. ANYWAY, that's all that mattered to me, or (MARSHALL SANDOVAL) today. Have a good one, whatever that means.

The Last Rant...

That's right you big, fat idiot. I may be retiring, after such a short and pathetic life of 7 posts or so. Well, I'm going to take this opportunity to let out my hatred of all of the most annoying things in the world. I'll start off with the people who pester me about my retiring. One day, this big, white loser comes up to me and says "Hey, I think your funny?" I was going to reply with a nice, friendly "Step away you big fat idiot," but I didn't want to waste my breath, nor, was he fat. So if you think I'm funny, you are a sick, twisted cutter who really has nothing better to do. Stop reading. Now.
Next, we have this webs-maybe it's better not to talk about them. I'll just blame Laura Bush. Laura Bush won't let me forward my paragraphs with that beauty we call the "tab" button. The tab button indents, you hear me you buttwipe? You are so stupid. You even cut off the side of my Firefox-Satan pitchfork and his tail arrow. Does life hate me? No, it's this we-Laura Bush.
Next, it's when people request for me to make a rant about someone else. What I f I have a secret dieing passion for them? Well, in this case I don't, as my heart belongs to myself, not, may I add, the PC computer helper lady. I think I just lost my complexion.

Now, we get into the meat. The big, juicy, and oh-so-loveable heart of the rant. Mozilla Firefox. I think they may be one of the best internet services around. We've got the tone deaf Opera, who likes that? I may like to go on a Safari but I'd hate to explore the internet. I'd never in my life go to AOL. There's not even a pun for that internet service. It just sucks. So, now Mozilla Firefox gets an update to try to keep up with Safari, who started after them and is already ahead of the game. They put a dumbass shiny light on the icon at the top with the update of Firefox 4607 or something. That's an uncool move. My Satan Firefox is already outdated with this crap.

Here's what really ticks me off. Every time I open up five tabs, the 5th tab becomes it's own internet browser. My computer spazzes out, my crack-ass PDF which I finally got to load turns black, and I can't click on anything until that stupid we browser opens. Why would they do that? The point of tabs is so you DON'T have to open up more than one web browser. Jesus Christ. How inconvenient? Imagine if you're a lifeless fat moron who has nothing better to do than look at internet porno all the time? That splitting moment when the fifth beautiful picture opens up could allow the 80,000 Malaysian viruses programmed in the website to leak into your computer. Now, I'll put this in retrospect with the non-porn watching, uncommon man, who would have been common 60 years ago before comic books were invented to ruin kids' lives. You are playing internet scrabble. It's in adobe player 567899879, and your computer freezes when you open that 5th game. Say bye-bye to ultimate tournament and say hello to actually BUYING a Scrabble board rather than playing quasi-copyright infringing facebook scrabbleous.

So, I bid you all a not so fare-well, yes, I did cheat you out of 20 minutes of your life, and may you all remember me as the one who did absolutely nothing.

P.S. If this site instantly makes millions when I lose, I want half the profit or I will kill my successor. Yes, the one I have no power over and do not even personally know. Well I do personally know him, but I'm too paranoid so I force myself to rephrase it so the government doesn't go after me for saying I'd like to "kill" someone.

Worst Regards,
-Rage

Sunday Morning Rant- Vampires Plus

Let me start this off by saying that everyone will remember that vampires were all the rage in 2009. (No pun intended). True blood, Cirk de Freak or whatever, and Twilight of course. I really don't hate twilight that much, the book is bad, but not terrible, the movie is also bad, but really not horrible. WHAT I DO hate are twilight fans. I hate all the people who say "Edward Cullen is so hot!" and have screen names that are like "LUVbellaCULLEN123334445556789". I feel like getting sick. And then there are all those other poser vampire books/movies/TV shows that try to steal the fame, like True Blood (I barely know what that is) and Cirk de Freak or whatever. There are so many new books and movies that are just screaming "HEY WE HAVE VAMPIRES TOO!" and begging tween girls to watch them. Why have vampires become such a popular part of entertainment? What happened to zombies or cannibals or mummies? I really would rather see zombies wrapped in toilet paper than sparkling vampires. I hate when people say they are in love with Edward Cullen. I know I am not the first one to rant about this, but, Edward Cullen.....Isn't real. What I hate probably the most is when people say, OMG, I'm on TEAM JACOB! Or TEAM EDWARD! If only they knew how annoying they sounded. For your enjoyment, I have gathered a list of Twilight Disease symptoms from a funny group I found on Facebook. Credits to Chris Bobb and Justin Brown, whoever they are.

Symptoms may include:

1. You want to marry fictional vampires

2. You envy pale, fictional girls named Bella

3. You joined a "team" that is led by either a fictional vampire or a fictional werewolf

4. You enjoyed the movie that was terrible by all standards

5. You don't mind incredibly prude writing

6. You are a conformist

7. You have arguments over who loves Jacob more

8. You have started or joined a "vampire" group at your school

9. You want to be a Mormon like Stephanie Meyer

If you are a twilight fan offended by my rant, please email your complaint to jesushatesyou@fakeadress.com.

...Rant

Offenders Part Two- Smeagol

OK, so I was going to wait ontil Rage posted so I wouldnt have three posts in a row, but he hasn't been posting, I don't know, maybe he died... anyway.. I looked up "The Raging Hobbit" on Google, just to see how popular we are. Well, I saw someone that posted a link to Rage's post "Whining Idiots who Want Everything". He posted it on Twitter, so I could see it, even though I don't have a twitter account because I don't like the idea of having just anyone see what I have to say. Some people will not get that joke. If you didn't get that joke two sentances ago, please leave this blog now. ANYWAY, this guy,who is ironically named Gollum10, posted a "tweet", a link to our blog. Now that's very good, and I'd like you to take example of him. What isn't very good was that he claimed to be The Raging Hobbit. Now obviously you know that couldn't be true because the only person who has admin access to this blog are the two Raging Hobbits, who are saying that he is lying. Gollum10, Sam Everett, has posted a link to OUR BLOG and claimed that HE IS THE RAGING HOBBIT. SOMEONE HAS IMPERSONATED US. I know I said that about 8 times, but I want you to take into account how disgusted we are. I will post the link to his tweet in the comments, because as you may know, Blogger does not let me paste anything in the comments and I wouldnt like typing all that URL stuff.

Sunday Morning Rant?

Yes, I know I failed to make a Sunday Morning Rant yesterday, but believe it or not, I have a life, and I had things to do that day. This post will be the Sunday Morning Rant to make up for yesterday. As an introduction, I will say some things about customer service people. OK, so as you may know, customer service for Internet Explorer fails because you just talk to a Robot Woomun. Whenever you click "contact us" on any site or whatever, you end up talking to someone that either is a robot and doesnt understand anything, of someone who takes about a week to respond to your email, and then says "I can't help you." I especially hate when they sign something like "Your Friendly customer service pals" I am not your friend! I don't even know you! And if I did, I would probably hate you! Another thing I wanted to talk about is what Kanye West did to Taylor Swift at the MTV music awards. Everyone hates Kanye West now, but I personally think that Taylor Swift's music Video sucked, and Beyonce should have gotten that award. Taylor Swift is such a poser, and she thniks she's all country when her songs are all just pop-junk. Everyone made this whole big deal about how her song was the first "country" song to be number one in the charts in like thirty years. I hate country music (especially that big green tractor one, what was that??) and I could care less about it, but Taylor Swift's music is an insult to real country artists. One quick thing that I want to add was an unfortunate event that happened when I was playing mobsters and I accidentaly punched myself in the face and dealt two damage. But it could've been worse, there is a way you can attack yourself and shoot yourself and stuff. I think it's a glitch, they must get rid of that. See picture. OK, so this week in review. Monday. I do nothing. I watch a little US open and eat pretzels. Tuesday. School supplies. US Open. Frisbee with friends. Last day of break Pretzels. Wednesday. School. US Open. Pretzels. Thursday. School. Ice Cream. US Open. Pretzels. Friday. School. Movie. Ice Cream. US Open. Pretzels. Saturday, now heres where things start to get interesting- US Open. Pretzels. Sunday. Movie. US Open. Sickness. Headache. Having trouble breathing. Flu. Bump head on bottom of sink. Cat watches in horror. Cat scratches foot. Foot bleeds. No Sleep. At all. Unwilling all-nighter. Monday. Stay home from school. Not feeling any better. Get red plastic and metal thing in mouth. Very uncomfortable. Pink Panther. Borat. US Open. Pretzels. Stub Toe. Take anger out on innocent stuffed duck. Sickness not looking up at all. Looks like another bad week, sorry about the delayed rant, as if you were weeping about it anyway. Goodbye.

...Rant

Poems Out Of Hell

Arg! I am annoyed! This is one thing that has annoyed me ever since I knew how to speak. It's called poetry. OK, so maybe rhyming poetry takes some skill. But poems are still like reading Hallmark cards for 8 hours. They all are about gerenally the same things, and I hate how you have to find the "meaning" of the poems, and all the metaphors and smileys or whatever. Poets are some of the most overrated people in the world. They have absolutely no talent, and so prove this to you, I will write a poem right now that I will attempt to finish in less than a minute. "Poetry is like a mountain eating blueberries, and the wind touching the sky, as mother earth dances merrily, and ......" arg. I hate poems. Did you notice that most of what I said made abosolutely no sense? Well, I did that to make a point. All you have to do to be a good poet is write a bunch of garbage and when people read it, they expect the best. When they see all this junk, they desparately try to make sense out of it and try to find "meaning" in the poem, and then they think it's a masterpiece. Example. Fkuwhlemgebbo JarJeey Khaaaaaa. If I published, that, poem freaks would probably say that it has something to do with the struggles of insecurity, but to always try your best, bla bla bla. It's all the same. You may be wondering why this post is called "poems out of hell" when prett much every poem comes from hell, but I have gathered some of the worst. All you have to do is google "great poems" and you get poems like these- Into the field, I ride
On a pretty little white horse
Feeling like a princess
With a bit of remorse

Sorrow and pain
My greatest fear of all
Catch me for once
And don't let me fall

A fall off my horse
Results in a sadness
I am now in a world
Of total blackness

"May every day be dark and stormy
For this one girl!" Says Depression
"May all her emotions be
Acts of aggression!"

Depression, creeping towards me
Black ghostly figure, ruby red eyes
Looking down on me
With such hatred and despise

In the distance, a white stallion appears
With an ever so charming prince to my saving
While Depression
My soul he's craving

'Hurry, hurry!' I think to myself
"I'm coming!" the hero shouts
Coming closer and closer
The Prince is just in time, "Get out! Out!"

"Thou shall not be in pain.
Thou shall be in love.
Thou shall love thyself.
Thyself shall be proud of."

ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who reads these? Do they read these out loud at Guantanamo Bay to torture the terrorists??

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high;
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are;
It may be near when it seems afar.
So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.

See what I mean about all this "you can do it" cliche? We get the idea already, you don't need to kill us with all these poems!

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you,
If you leave it you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

Fail! RAVEN and WREN are not people, they are birds. RAVEN AND WREN are not their names. I'm sure this poet knows this, but he names them for whatever reason. Poems make MY posts look good! That's also part of the reason I posted these. I think poets are a collection of kids who used to get beaten up a lot in school. If you bring in a poem like that to school, dont expect to go back home with a normal face.

...Rant

Back To School, No Worms In Apples, Not Even Any Apples.

OK, then me start off this post by saying that whenever I see all that back to school garbage, I always see apples. Are they in season? But, what does that have to do with school? And, also, they usually show it on a teachers desk, usually with a pencil and a test with an "A" on it. Judging by the grades I get, that doesn't happen very often, only a little. Propaganda, that's what it is. Is teachers really had apples on their desks, wouldn't they eventually go bad? Well, I guess that why they sometimes show a worm in it. But the worm usually has a big smiley face, and sometimes glasses. I think that if someone were to make on honest back to school poster, they should make a teachers desk with a rotting apple on it, a bunch of maggots eating it, and a few flies buzzing around, with a test that has a huge D on it next to the apple. and the pencil should have teeth marks and a broken tip. That's what a fair "back to school poster" would look like. I would make one, but the other guy wants me to finish this post before he makes another one, so he doesn't have three in a row and "sell out". If I were to make that poster, it would take much longer than my Malaysian offender picture. One thing I thought I might note in this post is that we have more fans on facebook than followers on the blog. we get roughly two fans a day, and two followers a week. Now, either some people on facebook just see RH as a highlight and immedialtey become a fan, without seeing what The Raging Hobbit is, or they just click the links that I post. I highliy suggest that whoever you are or for whatever reason you're reading this, click the big FOLLOW button on the right hand side under the blog archive. And reccomend it to friends. And do whatever you can to make people see our blog. I hope that isn't asking too much.

...Rant

The Longest Post. Ever.

There are plenty of hilarious things around on the internet. Fat grannies, overweight men, fat kids with oh-so-repellent premature mustaches. Fat middle aged people. Fat turtles. Fat dead people. Tubs of lard. Fat. But you know what the funniest thing on the internet (Besides this blog) is? Google.com. It's a search engine. A magical machine that gives you what ever you want. If you search for a new toy price, you'll find what you want, 600 other matches, and two pages of porno. The porno comes first. In fact, you'll find strange things no matter what you google. When I googled google on google images I found some hot girl with the two O's in google for... never mind. Well, you can do whatever you want with google. You can fly in a plane, you can watch a collection of youtube ads, you can even buy an antique coo-coo clock for $5000. USD of course. One time, I googled oreo cookies and it came up with a picture of a fat guy falling from a tree. It made me laugh. That's why I love google. You can google anything! Google mail, Igoogle, google video, google plex, etc. Google can give you anything you want. If you look hard enough, you can find government secrets on google. Did you know that George Washington was Abe Lincoln's great grandfather? Of course you didn't. It's not true. But really, you can google anything you want. But now ad things happen. Evil people want to sabotage google. They are known as: BING! So how will we stop this monstrosity? I say, if everyone in the world comes together and googles Bing.com at the same time, we can destroy the internet, be ridding the world of Bing forever. Some sacrifices will be made. Yahoo and Ask.com will be destroyed as well, but Ask sucks now that Jeeves is gone and yahoo was always better as chocolate milk. Do you wanna know a secret about Bing? They're drug advertisers. The first thing you think of when you hear bing! Is that semi-hot girl who does the obvious product placement in all of those Palm Pre commercials. But then you think of bong. Drug advertisers, of course. Now, help the cause, google google google times. Google is like, right before infinity, so here's your example. Google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google pumpkin pumpkin pumpkin pumpkin google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google pumpkin google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google googlegoogle google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google 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google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google googlegoogle google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google googlegoogle google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google googlegoogle google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google googlegoogle google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google google pumpkin.

Now let's see who's post is longer, fat boy.

-Rage

Whining Idiots Who Want Everything.

Ever meet on of those idiots who complain about every little thing? I hate them. There are simple solutions to everything! Desperately need a new car? The black market. A new house? The black market? A good night? The black market. Free music? Anywhere on the internet but itunes. But that's besides the point. Besides the point that I hate itunes enough to do something about it. Have a strike, read a book. That could solve healthcare. Go to the black market, hire some thugs, and beat the sh*t out of Texas. Tada, probelm solved! Oh no, I think I've revealed my political identity. I guess this would be an appropriate moment to reverse that and say: "Palin 012!" Except it won't be 012, it'll just be 12. 12, period. Got that, morons? Are you trying to send us into the decimals? I bet you don't even know what a decimal is... I guess would be an appropriate moment to get back on topic...

But I've said every thing already. Just shut your faces and head down town!

-Rage

P.S. Haha I just realized Rants name isn't in the title! Ha!

P.S.S. Yes, all of my posts are dedicated to contradicting you.

Sunday Morning Rant (To Sum Up The Week) + FREE Bonus iTunes Complaints

OK, I have been using iTunes for a good 4 years, and I swear that every time I have opened it, something gets worse about it every time. I rarely buy CDs anymore, and I have them all uploaded to my iTunes library so, I pretty much rely on iTunes for music. So do a couple other million people. First of all, iTunes raising the price of one individual song to what used to be the price of a music video, everyone knows about that. But have you ever looked at the "free" section of music? The only thing that's ever free is backstage behind the scenes movie things or some tween TV show that 11 year old girls watch. And the free single of the week, well, I always download it, because, ITS FREE. BUT that doesn't mean that it's any good. The Single for the past week has been "The One" By Slaughterhouse, which is OK, but I still think that Slaughterhouse named their song "The One" to confuse people- Person A- Hey, did you by The One by Slaughterhouse? Person B- Which one by Slaughterhouse? Person A- No, "The One" from Slaughterhouse. Person B- Which One from Slaughterhouse? AND, you get the point. For some reason, the original explicit Slaughterhouse track "The One" has a five star rating on iTunes, which barely anything has, but the free clean one has two and a half, which sucks. Another free thing on iTunes that isn't backstage garbage is One Time, the music video by Justin Bieber. (See what I mean about the tween junk?!). A number of new music videos have been free for like a few hours, so i downloaded them- The Fixer, by Pearl Jam, and Celebration, by Madonna. Other Things that annoy me and other people about iTunes, ALBUM ONLY TRACKS. In case you are a mental patient and you don't know what that means, it means you have to buy the whole album to get the song, I can't believe some people need that explained to them. Sometimes album only tracks are the best songs on the otherwise junky album, and iTunes wants you to pay an extra 9 dollars or so for one song... Probably the thing that annoys me the most, is when you try to buy a song, and iTunes says "SORRY, this video is NOT AVAILABLE IN YOUR COUNTRY" Arg! What kind of song is so special that you can only buy it if your German? Some great German songs you can only buy if your German, and some great AMERICAN SONGS you can only buy if your German. INCLUDING POPULAR AMERICAN BANDS like Green Day, you can only buy some bonus tracks on American Idiot if you are German. I AM GERMAN, but I do not have a German iTunes account, another thing that annoys me about iTunes is that, the first letter of iTunes is not capital, while the T is capital, but I won't go there right now. Some of you are probably wondering what the sunday morning rant is, well every Sunday morning, I sum up the week in a rant that is usually long, for me, and I introduce you with a certain topic, in this case, iTunes, the I rant about the previous week. Well, Last week has been pretty much the worst week of summer for me. Last Sunday, I went to the beach, making it the best day of the week, the next day, I pretty much ate cookies and chips and lounged around, making it a good day. The next few days went downhill from that. Tuesday, i figured out the a good friend is moving a ways away, I found this out when I was lounging around, we were out of chips and cookies, so I ate taco shells and pasta sauce, and the occaisianal slice of cheese. The I went biking, so I could buy a book that I don't want to read, as it turns out, I didn't bring enough cash, so I decided to stop at Quickchek and get something, but by the time I thought about that, I was far past Quickchek and about 3 meters away from my house. I spent the rest of the evening unwillingly reading that book that I eventually got bought for my by someone else, while I listened to "Snakes on a Plane" get played really loudly where the TV is. Wednesday, I slept until it was about dinner time for most people, taking out another precious day until school starts. Did I mention that this entire week people were constantly reminding me about how school was about to start? I ALREADY KNOW THAT SCHOOL IS PAINFULLY CLOSE, I DON'T NEED TO BE REMINDED THAT I HAVE TO READ MY BOOK AND WRITE AN ESSAY, plus, I got a bad schedule that I can't change. ARG! Thursday, I posted to the blog and went biking to meet someone at the plaza who never showed up and left me waiting there for about two and a half hours. On Friday, the exact same thing happened except I was waiting with another friend, and we realized that when we stuck a bag of potato chips into a part of the bike, we would sound like a motorcycle. The Unnamed third person (AckJay IeldsFay) never showed up, so I got a pizza and some candy and went back home. Well, we all know what happened after that, I throw up, slip on my vomit, dream about posting, blah blah blah. The Next day after the incedent what probably the dullest of dull days, Where I had to read that book And I only ate berries and saltines all day, now, here I am, today, and this week is looking up, and down. It is looking up because we are planning to go to the beach again, and I am going to go to one of my favorite restaurants in the world tommorow, but it is also looking down because september ninth always has been and will be the worst day of the year, the day where fun and freedom gets held hostage until the next june, and it beaten and torured in the meantime. As you may have guessed, september ninth is when school starts. School used to be okay, I made friends and learned new things, but once you pass elemantary school, you never use 90% of the stuff they teach you in school, and it is a complete bore. Well, to end this Sunday Morning Rant on a good note, I am going to watch the US Open, and eat potato chips, have a good week.

...Rant

Two Nights, Two Viruses. *Extremely Descriptive* Complete With FarmVille Rant Special

Well, If you read my post about Malaysian offenders, you would know that two nights ago, my computer got a virus. Well, last night, I got a virus myself. Now I don't know whats worse, the excrutiating pain I suffered all night, me dreaming about blog posts and farmville, or the fact that when I vomited, I couldn't get to a garbage can in time and I vomited all over my kitchen floor. Or that in my hurry to get to a garbage can after that, I slipped in my own vomit and hit my head on the floor. Or that when my sister came downstairs, she got mad at me for yelling so loudly, because she thought something was wrong with the cat. Anyway, i think this was the worst I have ever vomited in my entire life. Three times, I could feel the pasta and ice cream and other-things-that-would-not-taste-good-when-mixed-together escaping through my gullet. I guess I had it coming, because the only things I had eaten yesterday were ice cream, pasta, pizza, candy, and potato chips. Speaking of food, Its 1:39 and I haven't eaten anything all day. I'll probably fast today, not because of religion or anything, because I feel like compost. I was supposed to go to the beach today, which would have improved my mood by 90%, but I'm still feeling sick, and other beach people probably would not like vomit floating around in the same body of water that they were swimming in. ANYWAY, after I threw up, my throat hurt, which is natural, but then I realized that my nose was completely clogged for whatever reason. Maybe the nose clogging was just a gift from god, because I'm sure all that stomach juice didn't smell all that good. I'm hoping to go to the beach tomorrow, but, who knows, maybe my stomach feels like throwing my food out the wrong end again, so, three followers, hope the best for your buddy Rant. My night last night may have been worse than all the vomit, because I only fell asleep for like 3 minute periods, and when I did, I dreamed that I was posting about all my vomit, and here I am, dream come true. I also dreamed about a facebook game called farmville, and my plants were all withering because of a Malaysian virus epidemic. I must give facebook some credit, because that's how our blog got started, but games like farmville, were you must go on every few hours in order not to lose, in some cases, wake up at 2:00 am so that your fake rice doesn't wither. I know so many people who play farmville, and they all like it, and I won't deny, it's a fun game, but it is controlling the schedules and lives of many people. The only reason i started farmville, was so that I could get extra points in Texas Holdem facebook poker. Both games are made by Zynga (which should die), so when you play one, it gets you points for the other. I think that since I am so succesful in Holdem, but I suck at farmville, that I should be able to convert some of my Holdem cash into farmville money. That's all I'm going to write about right now..

...Rant

3 Follower Special!

You know one of the things I hate most in the world? People so stupid, so friendless, so all around-lifeless that no one can stand up for them. Not even Mother Theresa. Everyone has to hate something, and the one thing people hate most in common: Blog Followers. They are the type of complete and utter losers who will listen to some idiots called Raging Hobbits, or hear depressed teenage girls talk about their ceilings. They are the sort who keep foreign money under their mattress, and have trampolines in their backyard. And wear glasses. And have long hair when they are male. Am I going to far? No, I'm not. Did I mention they are named after stuffed animals/ former presidents? Well, lemme tell you a little experience I had with these... blog followers. One day, I was happily traversing the internet after a good date with my (now X-) girlfriend the Microsoft Robo Lady. I was all happy cheery when a bunch of idiots started spamming for me to go on to a blog called "Idiot talks about all the people he knows and hates and gives away all of his personal information and has been stalked six times now and drags out titles forever." I don't know how the little rodents got my email address, but I said, hey, how bad could it be? Well it was awful. No, not the blog. That sh#t was hilarious. But the followers. I don't know how to describe it, but there are some gigantic blogs on the internet, you can find them anywhere, like those Lolcats, and do you know what their idiotic 4000 followers did? After every post ,they started spamming, flaming, and all around making no sense. That's why I hate blog followers. I was lost in a sense of "lol jessy567, kudos to derryl too!" On a post about how the poor blogger lost his f***ing dog in a car crash. Usually I hate those stupidass bloggers, but their are much worse things in the world. Here's another: "OMG that is so awesome dipshit1138!" On a post, about erectile dysfunction. I hate those idiots so much, that I think I will set fire to that new follower idiot.

So I say, welcome third guy, enjoy your stay... it won't be long.

-Rage

Malaysian Offender

Guess what. My computer was infected with a virus yesterday! Now I don't want to feel like a walking (typing) advertisement, but i suggest using Avast! Antivirus when you get something because its completely free and it works amazingly. But I get viruses all the time. I was especially pissed at this one, because do you know where Avast! tracked this virus from? Malaysia. Malaysia is awesome! You can... uh.. celebrate the Puja Amur! You can scuba dive! YOU CAN EVEN GO JUNGLE TREKKING. MY GOD, you have a country where you can scuba dive in the ocean and go into the JUNGLE, and what do people do in malaysia? MAKE VIRUSES! WOOHOO! They also have beautiful lakes and even the PETRONUS TOWERS! Those buildings are like some of the tallest ever! So, by some reasearch, i have figured out a way to find out who gave me my virus. They can't scuba dive, so they must be able to breath underwater, so they have to have gills and whale blubber cause its cold! They can't go jungle trekking, so they must not have legs! So I have drawn a picture of what this man should kind of look like. If you see him, mail him to P.O. Box 113 Madison street, NH.

...Rant

But...Robo Lady Is My Only Friend...

I have a deep dark secret, Rant, you jerk. The reason I hate so many people is because I don't know any of them. Sort of like hillbilly's, but worse. The only person I ever talk to is the microsoft robo lady. And we're not just friends, we're more than friends, I was going to propose to here with a new diode set. Was. No longer. Now I hate...her. Because, you may have been right. The second I decided to Eharmony the microsoft robo lady, this is the true person who operates her:

None other than the notorious pedophile, Willy (MJ) Wonka. He wanted to steel my precious nuts to coat them in chocolate. It still hurts though, I loved her so much. I wouldn't have minded all that much if it turned out to be Gene Wilder, but Johnny Depp? He would probably put me on a pirate ship to Malaysia to a computer virus factory. And I was saved, Willy Wonka never could get to me, because right when he was gonna grab me with his Wonkavision powers, a Malaysian computer virus crashed my computer and saved me. That's right Rant, that is why I hate you.

EDitoors noeT: I don't know why Malaysia, it was Rant's idea.

-Rage

What I Learned Today- Robots Do Not Help With Computer Issues.

Well, these last few posts have just been us venting our anger at each other through the blog, we promise that this will be the last bad post for today, but I decided to dry thing up with Rage by threatening him with a fake robot from a movie, thus endeth the posting for today... Anyways, It's around the middle of the day, and yes, something struck me as evil. Internet explorer has been being a jerkface, whenever I open it, my computer gets weird and crashes. Every version of Explorer just gets worse, and whats even worse is that i couldn't contact explorer (1.) Because I need explorer to open that page, and it messes up the computer and (2.) You can't talk to a real person. You have to talk to a robot. Which brings me to another point. Humans are infinately superior to robots, because we invented them, so robots are forever in debt because they owe their lives to us. I tried to explain this to the microsoft automated response robot I was chatting with, but she only seemed to have three answers (a.) talk to someone else. (b.) I don't get your question. What I thought was the most ironic part was that next to the robot description, microsoft showed a young, attractive woman. Even though the robot does not have a tangible body, and lives in the information of computers. After struggling to describe my problem to the robot (which is not the one pictured), I decided to let her direct me somewhere else. But in order to do that, I had to send my conversation with the robot to a microsoft agent, and if he had seen what I'd been saying to the robot, he would've had me locked up. I will post the link so you can torment the robot, and/or the agent, but as you know from previous postings, I cannot paste anything into my blog entries, so I will leave it in the comments below.

...Rant

Don't Mess.

See that, that's an AT-ST. A direct relative of the Flamingo. See the BACKWARDS KNEECAPS? Well, there are about 500 of those approaching us right now, because some fatass decided to make fun of their little brothers. Thanks a lot.


-Rage

Oh, Sure, Lets Pick On The Fat Guy.

Let me just clear one thing up, I am sorry I questioned the flamingos on wednesday and I am sure that there is nothing wrong with their kneecaps, except that there IS something wrong with there kneecaps, they are backwards, unlikemost living mammals and birds on this planet. The FRONT FEET of just about every mammal and bird has the kneecap in the front. So the flamingos can just suck it up. You are probably wondering why I am not retorting to Rage's depiction of me as a fat, unattractive guy. Well, I was getting there. I have already taken my anger out on a certain flamingo pictured here so I do not have to filter it through the blog. Here I am also showing a picture of Rage for your viewing... well, what did you expect? He's the one that hates surgeons because they save lives! Anyway, that's all I really care about today.

...Rant

One More, Just To Beat The Other Guy.

I bet you're wondering who the other guy is. Don't worry, I found a picture of him for you. It was truly a journey, from Paris Hilton bod, to a piggy farmers sunday dinner. If you ever wanna find more pictures of the other guy, just search "fat guy" on google, (or yahoo, just not bing, that stuff sucks, funny commercials though,) but remember to have safe-search on, or you'll come up with fat guy porno. Like all that spam you see on lolcats and stuff. What a stupid, pointless blog. Aah, silly bloggers, What fools.


-Rage

Don't Ever Question Flamingos!

Well, yesterday it seems I forgot to add to things to the list of people I hate, so to begin, it's people who say LOL, ROFL, ROFLCOPTER, LMAO, and...and...I said it. Crap. But other than that, I really, really hate people who question Flamingos. Well, you know what, screw you. If I were a flamingo (or an AT-ST,) would I go up to a human and say, "Hey, why do you have backwards kneecaps?" And you know what, Flamingos don't even speak English. They've been around a lot longer than we have, so, it's like saying a weed is in the wrong place. Those plants were around before the Dinosaurs! Human are in the wrong place, humans are! Weeds have the right to live! Those things have a right to live!


-Rage

Transformers and Nazi Lifegaurds

I, being a lazy blogger, don't feel like looking anything up and writing about it, so instead, I will ask questions, and you answer them, OK?

1. Why does every pilot seem to have a southern accent? Has anyone every given this any research?

2. Why are lifegaurds always teenage boys with blonde hair that are never in a good mood? This reminds me of a certain pool next to Fred's Christmas trees (or maybe Fred's Christmas trees is next to the pool) where the lifegaurds are more like fun-gaurds. Or Nazis.

3. Boy, it's hot today. It's hot enough to fry a cat on the sidewalk! Wait, why do people say that? Do they fry cats? Maybe I'm taking this too seriously but I get really creeped out when someone says that, and Iusually get as far away from them as possible. Who knows what they'lle say next? "It's hot enough to fry a BOY on the sidewalk"?

4. Why are you reading this blog?

5. TRANSFORMERS. So what's the big hype with TRANSFORMERS? Weren't they little toys that turned from cars into firemen? And now its a movie series? I saw the first movie by force (I won't go into details) and it was honestly the worst movie i have ever seen. First off, the same stupid song is playing in the backround for the entire 3 hour movie, unless you can't hear it because robots are bashing things up at a deafening volume.. I swear... you need to turn the volume down because of the ear-destroying robots, and then you can't hear the characters talk because they are practically whispering to each other. And this movie is based on a TOY. What's next, a G.I. Joe movie? Wait...... never mind.

6. Finnegan's wake. I think James Joyce was going insane when he wrote that. Here is an exerpt, and no, i did not make this up, at all. Ahem.. The Fall, (bababadalgharaghtakamminarronkonnbronntonnerrontuannthuntrovarrhounawskawntoohoohoordenenthur- Nuk!) WOW! THAT'S ONLY THE BEGINNING OF A SENTANCE! Can someone tell me what that one word means? Do you know what? that word took me a good 5 minutes to type because you cant paste into blogger so I had to copy this letter from letter from my copy of "Finnegan's Wake" and especially with that tiny print and all those repeating letters, i think my eyes just went one notch down. Now for those of you who don't believe that i am not making up, follow this link, which also I had to type letter from letter because Blogger is cheap and it sucks. instruct.uwo.ca/english/454f/fw1.html

7. What if i (blubbbbgorkkkkmakkaaaa) talkkedd (like) This All The Time. 'Wouldn't thataaatt SUck (meggggorkkmeessaagbbesstutranteee)?

8. Last question, why do flamingos have backwards kneecaps?

...Rant

One Thing That Ticked Me Off Today.

Hello, fat lazy, computer addicts that have nothing to do but read other peoples complaints about the world, I have one. I was biking up a hill, see no problem right? Wrong. Someone actually took the time to roll down their window and yell, "GET ON THE SIDEWALK, YOU'RE ON A MOUNTAIN BIKE, NOT A ROAD BIKE!" I will also add that he was very fat. I wanted to yell at him that he was just jealous that I could get on a bike without crushing it, but seeing that I was on a bike and he had a car, I decided that not getting run over would make my day better. Another thing I noticed about him was that he had a remote in his hands for the radio, which was playing some poser band like Sonic Youth. The first thing that came to my mind was that he was too fat and couldn't reach the radio with his hands, so he needed a remote for it. I didn't even KNOW that car companies made remotes for the radio. Anyway, I stayed on the road and pretended not to hear him. Later, I passed him on the road, which means either that he has a slow car, or I am a fast biker. I bet his car runs slow because he was so FAT. He must have been at least 300 pounds. I think he even had flies buzzing around his mouth. He was drooling, and his eyes were like yellow and dripping some sort of- ANYWAY, that's all that really ticked me off today! If you had bad happen to you, please post it in the comments. (Editor's note- The man pictured is not the actual guy, but it's close enough.)...........(Author's note- This post was written by the OTHER GUY, not the one who wrote about people he hates. My post is better, right?)

...Rant

You Have Now Ventured Into an Empty Un-Formatted Blog. Congratulations.

Lemme start by saying, it would have been cooler if congratulations was on a second line and a bit smaller, to add a sarcastic hint. Well that would be comedy. Oh well. Here, you have a blog, started by someone else, the other guy, who decided it's funny to call short people who talk a lot angry Hobbits. I thought it was funny too. But no, none of that could be, the great dream of the future was crushed, because some fat, friendless, 40-year-old (note the alliteration) took that domain name. Now I am raging. No offense to the latter mentioned. And you know, that brings back memories. Memories of people I hate, so I give you fare warning, you may be offended.

#1 Bloggers. What idiots, who cares what they think. They're probably all fat too. I mean, some fat people can be cool, but no bloggers.

#2 Book authors. Ever read a good book, love it very much, then look at the back cover and see some big fat idiot who you instantly hate? Authors ruin good books.

#3 Pelopel woh cna't spleel.

#7 People who can't count

#8 Hypocrites

#9 Secretaries. With all their time on the computer, I bet they're bloggers.

#10 People who repeat themselves.

#11 People who repeat themselves.

#12 People who start running out of good and hilarious ideas and start repeating themselves.

#13 People who have a lot to say, so they put it all in a blog.

#14 Nazis. Those mustaches, nuff' said.

#16 Bad editors who cut out numbers, AKA people who can't count.

#17 Surgeons. They save the lives of people that I hate. Added: Surgeons pretend to work hard on you, but they just want money, then they let you die.

#18 Flying toasters. WHAT is wrong with those things, can't they just leave me alone?

#19 Advertisers. They're all ove- Buy Oxi-Clean! -r the place!

#20 Hurricane Victims. What jerks.

#21 Farrah Fawcett. She killed everyone, including MJ.

#22 Disney: They killed everyone, including poor Farrah Faucet.

#23 Excessively dark people.

#24 The director of Epic Movie. I bet his favorite seen was the porno part. What's his name, Quentine Tarantino? Wait...

#25 Adam Sandler. If I hear one more F#$%ing movie about bed time stories, I'll wring his
neck.

#26 Nickelodeon. Disney #2?

#27. People who add suggestions to people I hate. I hate who I hate, got that moron? P.S. I hate you.

#28-Suggested by The Other Guy: Fat Doctors, they keep telling you to go on a diet when they need to themselves. I hope they die of an artery fluke.

#29 . The Other Guy.

#30 Ugly people dating each other. They scarred me for life, and turned me into a dark, brooding person.

#32 People who forget easily, If you don't remember things, how can you hate? Like the way I will always hate people who can't count.

#33. I forgot the name for #32. What was it again? Oh yeah, amnesia patients.

#34 Amnesia patients. The always forget what they just did.

#35 PDF documents. Just look at them.

#35 People who drag things out forever.

#36 People who make rash inside jokes in public places where no one will get them. Pumpkins, pumpkins, pumpkins.

#37 People who fall in love with non existent things, like Sparkling Vampires.

#38 I <3 Princess Leia.

#39 People who make knock knock jokes.

#40 People who just don't get it. AckJay IeldsFay. I bet he'll never know I just talked about him.
#43 To end on an odd number, I'll wrap this up with the one thing I hate the most in the world. More than people who forget what they just did, and more than people who repeat themselves a lot, more than people who can't spell or count, Bloggers. The biggest idiots in the world. So I weclome you to the world of self-hating elehpant pig eating fliyng toatsers who (don''t) lkie to say Hlelo!

Editors note: Excsure teHTypsos.

-Rage, and Rant.

The Raging Hobbit

The Raging Hobbit is complaint blog, where we talk about things we don't like, where we sum up recent news, where the conversation ends.

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