Raging Hobbit Year In Review

This is a follow up to Rage's post about the year in RH review. I thought it was good except for some obvious entries he left out. Oh, and about the Ranta post, I have been hearing a lot of chatter about it, well, if you have so much to say, COMMENT ON IT! Come on guys, this was the most anticipated post of the year. At least put a note or something at the bottom. Anyway, I will begin my year in review with the first rant of the blog, excluding the quasi-rant list of things I hate. Its about the fat loser at Watchung plaza who yelled at me and almost killed me a few months later. Yeah, that fat one. The one with flies buzzing around his mouth, remember him? Well this post set the Raging Hobbit theme, so I guess you can say its a trailblazing post. Never has there been a blog like the Raging Hobbit before. Another epic post was "Transformers and Nazi Lifeguards." If you haven't read this post yet, go back and read it. Why? One, it's epic. Two, its one of the classic RH posts that you need to read to better understand some of our material. Three, NO ONE HAS ANSWERED THE QUESTIONS YET. Here we have a great post that almost everyone has read, but no one has answered the questions I ask in the post. They are valid questions, and I want them answered. The next chapter in Raging Hobbit history is Rage's post, "Don't Mess". Keep in mind that this six-sentance post makes up one 17th of his posts. A dark day in the world of Raging Hobbit, where we obviously got too caught up in the flamingo argument. The next landmark is "Malaysian Offender." Read this post. Although short, it is info filled and epic. I also used my mad photo editing skills for it. See those webbed hands and gills? So the next post I will refer to is "The Last Rant." As much as I hate it when people say "I told you so..." I knew he wouldn't quit. Why did he not quit? 1. He knew that I would get all the adsense proceeds when the blog became successful. 2. His goodbye rant sucked. A lot. 3. To be warmly welcomed back into the world of Raging Hobbit. Too bad it didn't work. The next post to be mentioned is "Bloggas At War". Yo, "I Hate Etc. Etc.", I'm very happy for you, and Ima letchu finish, but The Raging Hobbit is on of the best blogs of all time, one of the best blogs of all time. At this moment, 7:32 PM, 12-31-09, I declare the winner of the blog war to be Raging Hobbit. Now I will check to see when his last post was. October 30th. Let the record show that since October 30th, The Raging Hobbit posted 38 times, and Ranter AK posted zero times. Another reason Hobbit spawn always fails. And Edward's cove went down in flames, too. One post and it was over. Now I will completely skip NOvember and move to Raging Hobbit Overview. It was an OK post, but the best part about it was that it let me know how to post. The post quality has upped since that post, which is muy bueno. Now I will move to the biggest post of them all, The Ranta Score. Three pages of candy. Longest post ever, excluding Rage's obnoxious google post. Die, Rage. Well, enjoy this last post of 2009. I have to go eat a fruit.

...Rant

The Ranta Score

Hello, children and adults. I am Ranta Claus, the evil alter ego of Santa, transformed from Rant, the famed blogger. You are probably expecting some big long post on a lot of things. Well all your getting is the Raging Hobbit followers’ stand in the Good/bad list and a few of my beliefs. Today I will encircle the world, giving Raging Hobbit readers a place on my well thought out lists. Santa checks his lists twice, but I write you up and ink it over so I can never change my mind, Santa is so erratic, that’s why I’m better. This is my very own post, my once a year chance to broadcast my beliefs to Raging Hobbit readers. Well, you may be wondering what I do when it is not Christmas time. I live in the body of a blogger, waiting for my chance to transform. Today is the oh so anticipated day of my return. I will start my post by deciding the fate of all Raging Hobbit followers. What would Ranta do? Nick Harras - Follower number one. He eats bats. He follows the Raging Hobbit. He frequently comments on posts. His profile picture is some sort of smiling brown flame thing. Next Follower- Charlz95. Has no Profile Picture. Looks like vampire guy in some weird book series. Doesn’t like “Tropic Thunder”. Straightens his hair. Follows the Raging Hobbit. Marshall S- Abbreviates last name on profile. Doesn’t like crunchy rice. Is a Shepard, kirooooo. Likes scones- particularly orange ones. Eats at a restaurant called “The Fat Canary” which depicts a canary drowning in a cocktail as its logo. Manufactures a perfume called “Eau de Gordon” and “Eau de Stagecraft”. They just keep getting better. Tanner Gill- Follower three. Lives near Nick Harras. Used to have buzz cut. Likes to throw things. Likes midgets with guns. Lee Johnson- Tried to flag The Raging Hobbit for who the fuck knows. Beat my score in “Icy Tower”. Owes me 5 cents. Lives across from a church, yet he is Jewish. Went to church, yet he is Jewish. William Bator Who Do You Think, follower 5- Has unusually long internet name. Has a higher level than me on “Mobsters 2- Vendetta”. Back bike tire blew up. Good at Yo-Yo. Bad at everything else. Teddy Cahill, follower 6- Lives near Tanner Gill and Nick Harras. Spine is out of whack. Allergic to a lot of stuff. Stalked by an old lady. Does not drink egg nog. Trespasses on church parking lots. On to our next follower. laxfreak7373- Has unnecessary numbers at end on screen name. Does not capitalize first letter. MEOWWW when no ones watching and RAWR at cars- whatever that means. I guess it is insignificant, just like our last follower, Jack Fields. This unlucky fellow wasn’t the last to follow, but is listed last on the site so he doesn’t get a summary from Ranta. He might just get a few sentences on how insignificant he is, if he’s lucky. Well, I am done talking about followers, and now I will share some thoughts and beliefs. Michael Jackson, the black guy who turned white then black the white again. Well, his death made me think about how much I miss all the child molestation cases and him being sued by Arabians. Do you know who I miss? That guy with the beard who yells at you to buy his products. The one semi-named after a former baseball player. Do you know why I miss him? Because I love infomercials so much. I just love old guys yelling at you about how great this product is, and I would TOTALLY love to miss my show just to see 5 minutes of that. It just lightens up my day. Honestly, everyone hated billy mays before he died. Just like Hitler. wait, no. Do you know what else pisses me off? Losers who start blogs. The Raging Hobbit, oh, that’s impressive.

Well now I move to another topic. The biggest conspiracy of all time, busted by your very own Ranta. In fact, it isn’t a conspiracy at all. I really hate when people try to find like mysteries or think there are codes in famous pieces of artwork or documents. The Mona Lisa. its a fucking lady. Ok, so take the Da Vinci code for example, the ground to her left is like a fraction of a millimeter more raised, and the left side is the female side apparently, even though I have never heard that before, and so that means that Da Vinci thought females were dominant! Do people really need to try and make sense out of everthing? Da Vinci didn’t take extra careful measures to make sure that the land surface was even, he didn’t have to! It was an unleveled plane! There you go! Oh, and did I mention that since the Mona Lisa’s lip is a little messed up, that means Da Vinci had cancer?? Or that the Mona Lisa had no eyebrows, so Da Vinci was homosexual, of course. Or in the last supper, everyone says that John is missing and that Mary Magdalene is in the picture even though she shouldn’t be. Simple answer- John looks like a lady. If you look carefully he has a little mustache. Mary Magdalene did not have facial hair, I am fairly certain. Oh, and the two people leaning towards each other, well If you cut that out and paste it on the left, it makes a “V” shape. Fuckin' A, man! So Da Vinci drew something that somewhat resembles a V, but I am fairly certain that he did not go out of his way to make little shapes and letters between all the people. Well what does the V have to do with anything, oh let me pick up my copy of the Da Vinci code and see! Well! What does it say? OH, RIGHT, A V IS A FEMALE SIGN. Ok, I have a couple things to say. First off, I doubt ANYONE knew that a V was a popular female sign before Dan Brown put it in his stupid book. Also, how many fucking females sings are there? So, lets count, there's the vague ground level, the ambiguous V shape, and the oh so cryptic John, the she-male. Maybe one day I should make a movie about a hidden treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence! Oh wait…never mind.

Anyhoo, I will dwell on the new year for a while. What will they say about 2009? Well, folks, now I give you, the annual Raging Hobbit Year In Review, written and edited by yours truly, Ranta Claus. Well first off Obama becomes president. As you may or may not know, Rant is a left wing, sillyhead democrat. Word doesn’t recognize the word sillyhead. There goes that wavy red line again. Ok, so here is what I think of Obama. He is a mooslim terroreest! He is out to bombo the worldo! How did he beat McCain, he got a bunch of al-quedas to vote for him! He fudged with the ballot! Have you ever noticed his mooslim beard and his terrireest turban, of course you don’t…you have to enter the mind of Ranta..think about me, and my Christmas plots, sink yourself into the mind of Ranta, discard all of your months’ brainwashing from Rant posts, exit Rant, and enter the world..of Ranta..! Now look at a picture of Obama, see the beard and the Turban? He’s..Osaaamaaa. Don’t see it? Ok, now that you may or may not have entered the inauspicious mind of Ranta, you can read the rest of my post with ease. What else happened in 2009? Oh, Susan Boyle. She's old and sings good. You know who else is old and sings good? A lot of people. Another big event this year was, of course, the tragic deaths of Michael Jackson and Billy Mays. That stupid Billy Mays. He died because he bumped his head. Well, of course, you also know what else happened this year. Swine flu! Its avian flu then mad cow disease, now its pig flu, it’s like the farmageddon! So we need to rush to the labs and make vaccines and do all sorts of things, because so many people are dying of swine flu! Wait, how many people died of swine flu? 12? Well, gollygee, that doesn’t seem like a big number! Why do we need to get a vaccine if only 12 people died of it? What a huge waste of money! I know what the swine flu really is! It’s the normal flu in a pig costume! Its all fake, all of it. 12 out of 304059724 is .00000394659307130069 percent! So for the .00000394659307130069% of people who died, we need to spend money on a swine flu vaccine. They already started giving them out. Trust me, they’re fake. Don’t believe a word of it. And what about the moon? They are blowing it up! As if Earth doesn’t make a mark significant enough in our solar system, we are already blowing up and colonizing other moons and planets? You see that big fat American flag on the moon? It’s colonization! I was just thinking of living on the moon because it would be total anarchy, but once again, Earth squelches my dreams! But, who says life isn’t a complete Anarchy? There is nothing you HAVE to do. There are things you can do that other people will punish you for, or things you can do that others will decide they don’t like, but remember this, there are no predetermined laws. Living on the moon makes you really think. What can Earth do about me on the moon? I can do whatever I want? If I become a moon-citizen, I can launch a big fat missile at the US and say HA! This is for the portion of the moon you blew up! fuck you! And what humans don’t realize is that the universe doesn’t belong to them. Only Earth does, and if I secede from Earth, their “laws” no longer affect me! I’m a moonling! Just because I revolve around Earth, I’m not their property! If earth retaliates, that is an act of war! think of an actual space battle! Earth may be more advanced and bigger, but our two worlds are equal, in that, no one is telling anyone else what to do. I sure know how to make things right. After all, I DECIDE what’s write, and I put it into lists every year. So there, I am the determined judge of good and bad, I’m ME, RANTA CLAUS!

-.-.-ranta

End of First Year Statistics/Nearly New Year Wrap Up.

Thanks to those weird guys with cats for helping me make that picture! Anyway, as every meg-ego rag blog site would do, I will wrap up the year in review. Though I don't think the blog has officially been around for more than 7 months. Let's star with the number of losers who actually read this crap every day:

Ha! Never! Nobody ever reads this every day! maybe every other day but nobody! No one at all! Now, number of people who follow the blog:

Start-0
End-11

Wow! Eleven! What a huge number! My fingers can't even count that high! Wow we must have started something big here!

Number of posts in total:

Day 1-3
Today-73

Did we really make 70 posts since day 1? 70? No, we didn't. One was made by a freak mystery blogger [IE Roppy's only love.] You could think of it as only 1 post a day for the last 3 months, or you can think about it as 1 big fat idiot sitting at his computer posting 69 posts in 3 weeks!

Now here are some scary facts. Using only the text within the first posts made by Rant, we have around 64,000 words. Now multiply that by 50. That's a total of 3200000 words only by one idiot in a few months. Wow, you have a life. I've got around...65,000 words. That makes me more sane, right?

Now let's do a re-hash of the very first RH post.

"Lemme start by saying, it would have been cooler if congratulations was on a second line and a bit smaller, to add a sarcastic hint. Well that would be comedy. Oh well. Here, you have a blog, started by someone else, the other guy, who decided it's funny to call short people who talk a lot angry Hobbits. I thought it was funny too. But no, none of that could be, the great dream of the future was crushed, because some fat, friendless, 40-year-old (note the alliteration) took that domain name. Now I am raging. No offense to the latter mentioned. And you know, that brings back memories. Memories of people I hate, so I give you fare warning, you may be offended. #1 Bloggers. What idiots, who cares what they think. They're probably all fat too. I mean, some fat people can be cool, but no bloggers. #2 Book authors. Ever read a good book, love it very much, then look at the back cover and see some big fat idiot who you instantly hate? Authors ruin good books. #3 Pelopel woh cna't spleel. #7 People who can't count #8 Hypocrites #9 Secretaries. With all their time on the computer, I bet they're bloggers. #10 People who repeat themselves. #11 People who repeat themselves. #12 People who start running out of good and hilarious ideas and start repeating themselves. #13 People who have a lot to say, so they put it all in a blog. #14 Nazis. Those mustaches, nuff' said. #16 Bad editors who cut out numbers, AKA people who can't count. #17 Surgeons. They save the lives of people that I hate. Added: Surgeons pretend to work hard on you, but they just want money, then they let you die. #18 Flying toasters. WHAT is wrong with those things, can't they just leave me alone? #19 Advertisers. They're all ove- Buy Oxi-Clean! -r the place! #20 Hurricane Victims. What jerks. #21 Farrah Fawcett. She killed everyone, including MJ. #22 Disney: They killed everyone, including poor Farrah Faucet. #23 Excessively dark people. #24 The director of Epic Movie. I bet his favorite seen was the porno part. What's his name, Quentine Tarantino? Wait... #25 Adam Sandler. If I hear one more F#$%ing movie about bed time stories, I'll wring his neck. #26 Nickelodeon. Disney #2? #27. People who add suggestions to people I hate. I hate who I hate, got that moron? P.S. I hate you. #28-Suggested by The Other Guy: Fat Doctors, they keep telling you to go on a diet when they need to themselves. I hope they die of an artery fluke. #29 . The Other Guy. #30 Ugly people dating each other. They scarred me for life, and turned me into a dark, brooding person. #32 People who forget easily, If you don't remember things, how can you hate? Like the way I will always hate people who can't count. #33. I forgot the name for #32. What was it again? Oh yeah, amnesia patients. #34 Amnesia patients. The always forget what they just did. #35 PDF documents. Just look at them. #35 People who drag things out forever. #36 People who make rash inside jokes in public places where no one will get them. Pumpkins, pumpkins, pumpkins. #37 People who fall in love with non existent things, like Sparkling Vampires. #38 I <3> #39 People who make knock knock jokes. #40 People who just don't get it. AckJay IeldsFay. I bet he'll never know I just talked about him. #43 To end on an odd number, I'll wrap this up with the one thing I hate the most in the world. More than people who forget what they just did, and more than people who repeat themselves a lot, more than people who can't spell or count, Bloggers. The biggest idiots in the world. So I weclome you to the world of self-hating elehpant pig eating fliyng toatsers who (don''t) lkie to say Hlelo! Editors note: Excsure teHTypsos. -Rage, and Rant"

Rant edited his own words in there. It's hard to do a rehash/flashback/round up episode at the end of the year in words. It makes everything longer. Anyway, here are the short words of our mystery blogger, who shall never be forgotten.

Isn't that an ugly duckling??? I have hard of one before but never this ugly That is my duck His name is Roppy The vet told me that it wasn't a she But it definitely isn't a he So maybe it is a he/she A transvestite???? I mean transexual Or is that only for humans? Well i guess i could consider he/she a human I don't know G2g bye! --Roppys only love

So what's next? What could we possibly bring up? Fat men? The 5 some posts about Flamingos? You see it all here on the Raging Hobbit. So what more do you want? Well let's go back in time and see an old classic picture of our favorite ex-president:


On this website, there are tons of funny pictures. I can guarantee you another statistic, 99.99% of all of them were stolen off another site. I'm going to give you one last post, this one made by Rant, before I close up.

"Ok, so some Facebook friend posted "who wants a Google voice invite?" as their status. I naturally looked up "Google voice" and found out that it was free, but you could only get it by invite. So I got an invite from this friend, and it looked pretty cool so I set it up. Once I got it, I knew it was a mistake. You couldn't do anything that they said you could, like make a personalized outgoing message for different people, or change ringtones for different people, and even if you could, they would have to call your "Google Number". One problem, no one knows what my Google number is, and they have no reason to call it. Also, when you call it, it notifies the person that this is not your real number, which kind of ruins the "heres-the-number-I-will-give-you-because-I-want-to-block-your-calls-so-I-can-ignore-you-because-I-hate-you" effect. Also, I was messing around, and I found something that said "billing". Uh oh. I noticed that I was charged 10 cents for whatever reason. That was when I realized that Google is a liar and that Google Voice is not free. They make it seem that way, because you don't pay to install it. But it DOES frequently charge to your phone bill. By that time, I was like, fine, this sucks, bye bye Google voice. But then I couldn't find a way to disable it. I called the guy who sent me the invite, and he was also surprised by the evilness of Google, and looked up a way to disable it. Then he told me there was no way. You can't disable Google voice. I will be paying Google my entire life. Well, as long as I have my phone. I spent hours trying to fin a way to get rid of it, but everything said that there was no way. I found out some equally pissed people who had the same problem. This happens when I am starting to like Google, because of Gmail and Chrome and other cool stuff. Now I can delete my Google account, which would erase my email account and YouTube account, oh, AND MY BLOGGER ACCOUNT. That means, if there is no Google Voice, there is no Raging Hobbit. Google has not only charged my constantly, but they have made a threat to my blog. I couldn't find any way I could Email Google and complain, so I really don't know what to do. Apparently Apple and AT&T have seen through this crime, and blocked Google voice on their phone services. I believe it has been sued to, I am am sure other people are writing to Google about this. Now that I hate Google, and Bing, this leaves me with no search engine I like. Maybe I should have a Raging Hobbit search engine, maybe one day. I am surprised that Apple hasn't made a web browser or a search engine, because so far I love everything about Apple. Everything is just so simple... Anyway, do me a favor, don't use Google voice. Ever. Even if God tells you to. Anyway, I talked to Rage, and he ISN'T quitting, he just made up that whole deal because he hasn't posted in a while. No news from I Hate etc etc, but I will fill you in as soon as I get the chance. Another thing, If you don't get the new tagline for The Raging Hobbit, where the conversation ends, I will explain it. The famous tagline for the New York Times is "Where the conversation begins." They talk about new events, and inform you of everything. The Raging Hobbit's job is to talk about things you already know about, and degrade them so much that there is no room for discussion. If you still don't get it...then please stop reading our blog and start reading "I Hate Etc Etc."

...Rant"

The infamous post that inspired the other google post. Actually neither of them attracted any attention whatsoever. This post kind of sucked. But I still liked it.


So now you have it, RH in a nutshell. Except it's not in a nutshell. It's in a post. I hate the expression in a nutshell. Everyone knows nuts go in sacks.


-RAGE/Rage

I Don't Want To Post!

But it's just so close. 2 days. Its a Tuesday. I don't wanna post! So I'll do what I usually do. Find a random picture and talk about it. No. I don't want to do that. So I will talk about something I hate. YouTube sensations. Funny cats, laughing babies, you know all those. But lets draw the line at pedobear and "Ima firin mah lazor!" Fuck internet memes taking over the internet.  Fuck it all.

...Rant...2 days

Well At Least There's Snow, Right?

I am typing this really fast because I have to go soon and so there may be a few typos but I will fix them later. Northwest Airlines, come on. So my grandfather was supposed to be flying in yesterday, but now he's marooned in Minneapolis because Northwest Airlines jumped the gun and cancelled all their flights, one of which was flying out at 5:30, and it didn't really start snowing until 8:00 ish. So I was thinking, well, at least if his flight was cancelled, we'll have snow, or at least if it didn't snow, my grandfather would make his flight, so it was a win-win situation, NO. It wasn't because once again Northwest Airlines screws up. If you haven't already heard my airline rant, click here. Well, we didn't get ANY snow yesterday afternoon like we were supposed to, but it dumped on us overnight, when no one goes outside. Well, at least there's snow now. I haven't yet gone out to test it. Aughhh.. I have to go to church. Ok, I'm back. The snow was amazing. Great packing snow, yet not too watery and slushy. Good for exploding snowmen. I got the toboggan out but I haven't built my crash snowman yet. Well, here's something random for me to say. I was just browsing through Raging Hobbit drafts, and I found one written by Rage, a un-published rant on Mormons. I don't know if he was planning on posting it or not. Well, now I will briefly talk about something I read on Check This Shiz Out, what happened to myspace? I have never even looked at a myspace page. I know next to nothing about myspace. And for gods sake, theres Twitter. I don't know what defrauder had the idea of making a social networking site that is literally just Facebook limited to only status messages. I had to get a Twitter account for a school thing, and it's like Shangri-La for stalkers. Anyone can see what you post when they "follow" you. I have like a million followers, even though I have never been on my Twitter account (gagalala) and I got suspended for suspicious activity. Great. So if i'm never on my account, that means I'm suspicious? And they suspend me? Fail. Well, I now I will go on to talk about news highlights.

There are not many news highlights this week. Well, the NFL is asking football players to donate their brains to science, like yeah, you can have my brain. But why the football players? They always seemed like big stupid guys to me. Their brains probably wouldn't be much help. Why don't they ask like really smart guys to donate their brains? Whose, that guy on the wheelchair? Hey, I just remembered this Chuck Norris joke about that guy. It had something to do with roundhouse kicking Einstein. Stephen Hawking. Why is the internet filled with jokes about this guy? Ok, you can joke that he's like Einstein's incest child or whatever, but he's still like the smartest guy on the planet. One more thing I'd like to say before I close up. I hate when people say that every snowflake is different. I'm sure a lot are different, but there are like a million just on my front porch! there must be like a lot of them in the world, and I bet like hundreds of them are the same. The problem here is that people believe everything they hear. I will use this to my advantage and start a rumor right here. Did you know that dead people wake up for about 2 minutes a couple years after they die? Tell everyone you know about that one. Now I will retire for the day.

...Rant...4 DAYS!

Scary Christmas Music That Makes You Want To Crap Your Pants

So have you ever heard the song "Silent Night?" Here's what I think whenever the song comes on the radio:

Silent Night
Hold Tight
Scary fat man comes down your chimney
And gives you a fright

Silent Night
Hold Tight
Scary fat man comes down your chimney
Don't fight, don't fight

So doesn't that scare the crap out of you? Any way, I need to compete with Rant a little, seeing as he has more than double the posts of me and statistically 5 times more letters written per post. So I'm going to randomly prompt myself and see if I can come up with something. Please hold as I prompt myself.

Banana
Turtles
Fat men
Racism
Ugly Ducklings
George Bush
Money
Trees
Safes
Tissue Boxes

That's it! Tissues. Don't tissues have issues? What i mean by that is, this is the cold season. During the cold season, it gets cold and you get colds. So colds=tissues. So you've got this giant wet mush shoved up your nostril, and you stick this roughass piece of paper up your nose that gives you a skin rash, and little bits of paper harden in your nose. Eventually, the paper becomes dust, which leads to more sneezing. Clearly the tissue companies are thriving.

So this season, petition against misuse of your nose and cut it off. Store it in a cryogenic freezer, and deal with looking like MJ for a few months. In April, give your nose a few days to thaw out and then paste it back on.

And now, this is not a money making scheme. I do not own a cryogenic freezer companies.

What I mean by that, again, is Happy last day of Hanuka and happy less than a week 'til Christmas! You too Mormons!

-Rage

Thank *** Its Friday!

When is Amy Winehouse going to die? As I said in my previous post, if you guess correctly, you win a free iPod touch. So far we have three guesses. Tanner Gill says September 27st, 2010. Charlie Roseman says January 1st, 2012. I say February 10th, 2010. I just have this feeling.

[2011 Update- Amy Winehouse's date of death is July 23, 2011. Tanner wins. The free ipod thing was just a sham.]

Anyway, in case you were wondering about the title, I was obstinately listening to Panic! At The Disco. Quick note on Panic! At The Disco...YOU DON'T PUT EXCLAMATION POINTS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE. PLEASE DON'T DO IT. You can't even say these guys sing, they just shout with fake accents with dumb fall out boy poser music in the background. So yeah, I'm not a bug panic at the disco fan. Well, I noticed during the song when they say "god damn" they edit out "god" not "damn" which is complete BS. Ok, so I get it, you can't say the lords name in vain. But, he isn't real. I mean god isn't real. And NO I will NOT capitalize "god" if its in the middle of a sentence. Its not a name, it's a thing. A fake thing. Do you capitalize "unicorn"? So if you disagree with me about the whole god thing, go eat a sandwinch and respect my opinions. If you are reading this right now, and you have a copy of "Twilight" in your house, leave this blog. Just making sure our blog stays clean. No offence. Have you ever insulted someone and then said "no offence" when you had every intention of insulting them? Whenever I say no offence, it directly translates to GO HANG YOURSELF. Well now that I have covered our introductory topics, I will move to the meat of the blog. Veggie-tarians.

Vegans are messengers from hell. Vegetarians are just plain awesome. I am vegetarian, and I know what you're thinking. Vegetarians only like vegetables! UNTRUE. I AM A CERTIFIED VEGETARIAN AND I HATE VEGETABLES. SO THERE. I feast on your typical pizza, scrambled eggs, and freedom fries. Hey I have a little secret. Don't tell anyone...(Freedom fries are actually french fries in disguise!) this will be our little secret. Anyway, people need to get over this idea that vegetarians are vegetable eating animal rights activists. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE ANIMALS. GUESS WHAT, WE HAVE TOO MANY COWS, AND IF THIS MEANS KILLING THEM TO MAKE FOOD, I DON'T CARE, AT LEAST ITS NOT GOING TO WASTE. When people ask me if i'm a vegetarian because I love animals, I glare at them and say "no, I'm a vegetarian because I freaking hate plants!" When people ask me why I am vegetarian, here is the true answer. I don't know. I was born and raised vegetarian, so I never have eaten any meat and I don't feel the need to. So kindly shut up and eat your ******* cheeseburger. I don't care. Vegans, on the other hand, have some serious disorder. Imagine the horror of having to check the ingredients of everything to buy to make sure there is no butter, or having to ask at restaurants whether there is any milk. Simple solution... DON'T BE VEGAN. If you become vegan, you may end up looking like the picture below...yes, that is Alec Baldwin. Look up "famous vegans in history", and he's all over. And look above, at that horrible picture. Thats what vegans eat. Kind of makes me want to become a anti-vegan activist. Now I am done talking. Go away.

[2011 Update- I am now against animal slaughter. Oh, how I've matured.]

...Rant...6 DAYS!

So, Come Here Often?

ARG! I hate Christmas lights! I mean they look nice, but everything else about them is awful! Like that one broken light that makes the whole string go screwy! That sounds like the easiest thing to fix, but do people do anything about it?? NOooooOoOooo. Or the fact that every year they tangle and breed and kill each other, and when you want to get them out, you can't even look at them without crying. Its one huge Christmas light mess, and when you've untangled them, you realize that ONE LIGHT IS BROKEN so the WHOLE THING doesn't work! Arg! And blue Christmas lights, they mass produce these you know, who wants blue Christmas lights? Its not even a Christmas color! Well, now that I have vented my anger on the lights, I will talk about what happened on our Facebook page yesterday. We randomly got 12 fans in one day, most of which I don't know personally. So this could go both ways. Either we got 12 new readers, which is great, or 12 people inexplicably became a fan of a page called "Raging Hobbit" without looking at it. In case we have new readers, I better update a little. lets start with the basics. We are a blog, called The Raging Hobbit. Just don't ask, thanks.. There are two authors, me, Rant, and the other guy, Rage. You can tell who writes the post because we sign off at the bottom. Its Christmas season, and Santa's/my alter ego, Ranta Claus, is going to make a lengthy post on Christmas eve, which is what we are counting down when we sign off. We like to make money, criticize, and complain about the blog engine we use. If you read the Facebook statuses, you can see news updates and things that are going on. We also post the link to all of our new posts. We like when you comment on our stuff, it keeps the blog healthy. I have a cat, a dog, and a reindeer. I don't know if Rage has any pets. If he does, they would probably be dead by now. So, if you read this often, this blog could be slightly interesting, but since the majority of our posts rely on general Raging Hobbit knowledge, some posts may be confusing if you don't read of few and catch up. If you read the first few posts we made (you can browse in the blog archive), you will see that I refer to them often. I post interesting stuff/Hobbit Spawn in the "Sausage Links" on the left. See those big fat Google ads? Thats the only way I make money from this. Well I'm glad we had this discussion. Bye now.

...Rant...7 DAYS.

Marshall Broke The Dremel.

Here is what happened, and if anyone tells you something that if slightly not exact to this story, it is wrong. I was working on a wooden thing with a dremel for History and I was almost done, when Marshall said "can I use the dremel"? which wasn't really much of a question, because he took it anyway. After he took it I kept annoying him about how he's using it wrong and he's going to break it and he should give it back to me. He said 30 seconds more. 10 minutes later, he gives me back the dremel, decides he doesn't like the thing he was working on, and throws it out. Then I plug in the dremel, and it's broken. BROKEN. It won't turn on. And I know how Marshall broke it, he overheated it. But it not so much the fact that he broke the dremel, its how he threw out the thing he sacrificed the dremel for, I knew he was going to break it and asked him to give it back, and MARSHALL IS BLAMING IT ON ME. Ok, different subject. When wil Amy Winehouse die? You have to say, her and Ozzy Osbourne are pretty much on the brink of death. So when will Amy Winehouse die? If you guess correctly, you will win a free iPod Touch. Comment your answers below. My guess is February 10th, 2010. No stealing my answer. This is totally legit. Just like those creepy guys driving vans with "free candy" spraypainted on them. Ok, one more thing before I leave you until tomorrow, I like the song "Bad Romance" except for the part where shes like ra ra ah ah roma gaga lala ooh la la, its sounds absolutely awful. It hurts my ears. Rah rah shut the **** up, seriously. Yes I know this is a short post, but its a Wednesday, forgive me. Do you say "wed-nes-day" in your head when you write
"Wednesday"? Because I always do, and a lot of people I know do it too, its weird...odd comment to put at the end of a post. Well now I leave you with that. Don't forget to comment on when Amy Winehouse will die.

...Rant...8 DAYS!

Death and Santa Hats

So in the honor code for my school, there some stupid rule that it is forbidden to wear hats. So today, when a kid came into school with a blow up Santa hat, it was taken by the staff. Why not Santa hats? Let's consult the honor code. You can't wear hats of any kind, unless it is involved with a religious event. Well, breaking news, Christmas is a religious event! What if I was a devoted Santa believer, and I wanted to show my spirit? So the reason we can't wear hats is so we can't "hide our identity". Oh, ok, so people are going to confuse me with Santa Claus, totally. There are some rules I can't explain. People at our school get in trouble for the stupidest reasons. Bouncing a tennis ball? Breaking pencils? Laughing? Thats another thing I hate. When teachers yell at you for laughing. Laughing is one of those things you just have no control over! Its like if someone yelled at you for taking a dump. Laughing relieves stress, makes you live longer, and lowers blood pressure. Why do we get yelled at for laughing? I think its because the teachers are jealous that we are happy. Maybe when I die, I can sue my school because I didn't live long enough.

Well that brings me to another topic, death. But before I get into that, I will tell you that now I am monetizing the Raging Hobbit, yeah, see those big fat ads on the right? Well, when you click them, I make money! Hahahaha! I'm actually getting something out of this blog finally! Anyway, ever thought that every single living this on the planet at this moment will someday die? Someday, nothing thats living at this moment will ever exist. Its like life is getting recycled. Someone informed me of this during a concert, and he completely ruined my time. Thanks a lot... anyway, what do YOU think of death? Well, it sucks. But its one of those things like laughing and pissing that you can't stop. Well I wanted to get a good picture of a skull for the bottom of the post, but when I searched "skull", it just showed up with those fiery flaming poser motorcycle skulls, so I searched "Cambodia" and found a decent one. I have just been learning about pop art in art class, and this collection of dead Cambodians stuck me as artful. Pol pot, you know, that Cambodian dictator guy, he should have done art. "Pol Pop Art".. it has a nice ring when you say it. Well enjoy your last Monday before vacation!

...Rant, 10 DAYS. LET THE COUNTDOWN START.

Sunday Morning Rant

I have realized that I have never actually just called a post "Sunday Morning Rant" I always put something at the end of it or something. Well, here is your post thats just called Sunday Morning Rant. I will start this post by saying how annoyed I am at one particular police officer. I hate some cops for a lot of reasons. They think they have so much power, and they always take advantage. They also get you in trouble for stupid reasons, do you know why? BECAUSE THEY LIKE GETTING PEOPLE IN TROUBLE. I'm not just saying that either. Its their job, and if they aren't doing anything, they get bored, and try to find ways to get people in trouble for the littlest things. Today, on my way back from tennis, I wanted to get home in time to do this rant before 12 o clock. That obviously didn't happen thanks to one mindless boneheaded cop. The highway was pretty icy, and one guy bumped into the rail. So the cop block off that lane, AND the one next to it. Why did he do that? One may never know. But he also held us there for 20 minutes plus. There were absolutely no cars in front of us, and I was thinking, its only going to get icier, so let us go! But he doesn't People are now yelling and screaming and honking at him. Then something kind of funny happens. The cop goes on a rampage and starts yelling so loud his face turns red, and walks over to some cars at yells at people through the window. And this wasn't just yelling. I could here what he was saying, he was about a hundred feet away, and there were cars going a million miles an hour the other direction, people honking, and a rainstorm. This guy was insane. Finally he let us go. I think he was afraid we would gang up and kill him. But this is just another reason I hate (dislike) cops. Now I will move to the weekend score. Your week in news. Sarah Palin on the tonight show. Haven't we seen enough of Sarah Palin? I thought she was done when she resigned as governor. But I knew she would be back sometime, I saw that look on her face when she lost the election, that "I'll be back in 2012" look. 2012, hey, maybe the world might actually end if ol' barracuda gets elected. Well I haven'tactually seen her on the tonight show, so I won't talk about it any further. More in news, the California rain threat has ended and people are finally moving back into their homes. There were no mudslides, but Californians are so cautious. You'd think they would be used to natural disasters by now. California earthquakes are not pretty. Ok, Stephen King is pretty stupid. He donated money so 150 troops could come home for the holidays, which is good, but, he donated 13,000 dollars. Now, mr King is quite the superstitious one, and he thought that number was unlucky, so he donated 12,999 dollars. CONGRATULATIONS STEPHEN KING, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A TOOL! What if one of those 150 soldiers was a dollar short of a ride home? You suck, Stephan King, you have ruined one soldiers life! So those are the three headlines I wanted to talk about, and that's pretty much it. Also, there is more hobbit spawn. u-is-a-tool.blogspot.com. Its basically about twilight and fireflies and the letter Q. Written by devoted member of the Hobbit Enthusiasts, Niq Harras. In case you are unaware, only the first 10 followers can be part of the original Hobbit Enthusiasts. The rest of you are just plain followers.

...Rant...11 days.

Why I Didn't Post Yesterday

First, I will tell you the reason I am posting today. Because I didn't post yesterday. Today, this post will have to be EXTRA GUD because I promised a post yesterday and you didn't get one. You can tell this post is going to be good for a number of reasons. I didn't start out the post saying "Ok, so" which has become my verbal tick/catch phrase. If you look back on previous posts you'd know what I mean. Look at "Sunday Morning Rat" and "Brain Stump". It makes the post hard to read. I need a better catch phrase. Ok, so second reason this post is going to be good. It is going to be a list, and the majority of legendary Hobbit posts are lists (I.e. Transformers and Nazi Lifegaurds). You can also tell this post is going to be good because if you listen carefully, you can hear Andrea Bocelli singing in the background. This post is most likely going to be pretty long, and a lot of good Hobbit posts are long, (I.e. "Where's the Snow" and "Sunday Morning Ranta"). But no long post can compare to the one on the 24th of December. Yes, the Ranta Score. Ranta's brief description of our Hobbit enthusiasts and summing up the year. I know you may or may not want me to stop talking because you want to get to the list. Well, first I must say some other things. I want to ski a lot this winter, and I can't do that without snow. In case you were unaware, I ski. There are probably a lot of things you don't know about us bloggers. Did you know that Rage doesn't know how to ride a bike? He probably doesn't want me saying that. Anyway, all I am saying is we better get some snow around here. The weather report says that we will have a "snowy mix" tomorrow, and if you know meteorologist language, that translates to "snow, rain, and crap," and we won't even get anything after that until the end of December. Looks like a crappy month, guys. Another thing, I have just noticed something random. I always get off topic on my posts, and then begin a new sentence by saying "anyway..." I will try to stop doing that. Anyway, now I will get to the list of why I didn't post yesterday.

1. I was watching a movie. Two movies actually. No, three. Kind of.

2. I had no good material. See today, I have good material, like explaining why I didn't post when I DIDN'T have any material.

3. I needed to feed my cat.

4. I needed to feed my dog.

5. I was eating ice cream.

6. I was attacked by ninja turtles.

7. I started a post, which was bluntly deleted by the anomalous blog engine I use.

8. I was counting sheep jumping over a fence.

9. I got a random call from someone I hate, which lasted about 30 minutes.

10. I was getting inexorably beaten up by spider-man.

11. I will annoy you by not having a perfect 10 reasons, so here is your 11th to thoroughly piss you off! Hahaha!

...Rant.. 12 days.

Where's the Snow?

Ok, so it's well into December, and I only have had one snowfall, which was kind of a mix of snow, rain, and sleet. In other words, it was unpleasant. What I want is a huge snowfall, like the ones where it's hard to walk and your knees get stuck. I want to make my annual snowman victim, the one I put at the bottom of my sledding hill and I try to aim for it with my toboggan. It usually ends with a minor case of freezer burn/half destroyed snowmen. Its incredible. Winter is one thing I probably will never grow out of, sledding and building things out of snow. Well, until I run into a tree with my toboggan, then I consider retiring from childhood. Well, as I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted by my train of thought, we haven't had a decent snowfall, and all I can say is that there had BETTER be snow on Christmas break, because that's my quality snow time. The weekends just don't cut it. Of course, along with the pleasures of Christmas, there are some difficulties. Like what do I buy people for Christmas? Ok, I have already decided to get my cat some catnip. That's the easy part, but what do I get for Father Rant? I can't afford expensive watches or cars, and I really don't know that many things that Father Rant likes. Ok, cooking, biking, cars, and expensive watches. He probably has every cooking utensil in the world, he doesn't need anymore. The only things he needs for his bike are things I didn't even know exists. Also, I need to make a million cookies. Well another thing I'm going to talk about is my Thursday experience. When I was on the bus going to school, the other people on the bus were yelling and screaming, and, being AWAKE, while I was trying to sleep peacefully. I think there should be a law saying you can't talk on public transportation until 8:00, when you can talk quietly. But this wasn't just yelling, it was some serious screaming. I don't know, I think one kid said something mildly funny, and some other kids thought it was hilarious, and kept repeating it and laughing, and the laughing turned to a yelling and laughing and punching kind of thing. This drove me off the deep end, and I pulled my "Rant-is-ticked-so-shut-up-or-there-will-be-blood" thing. I yawned really loudly, and loudly explained to a person next to me how tired I was, and what a shame it was that I couldn't sleep. And I made sure that those kids heard me, I practicality had to beat them on the head and tell them to listen to what I was saying. Needless to say, I got no sleep on the bus this morning, tomorrow will be different, because it is Friday. There are two reasons this could change the outcomes. I am more tolerant or kids doing stupid things when I have something to look forward to, the weekend. Also, Friday is a partial dress down day, and I believe they will be taken aback by my radiant, statuesque attire. Not to be boastful, or anything. Well enjoy your rest-of-Thursday. And remember who is watching you from above, remember, it's that time of year.

...Rant...14 DAYS.

Let it Snow!

It's that time of year kids! Less than 2 weeks 'till a strange fat man who loves "ho's" crawls down your chimney to "give you a present." As for everyone else, that time's only two days away! And to hell if I knew when Kwanzaa was. So happy Hanuka and all of those other minorities which add up to a majority holidays! But I'm not here to talk about commercialized bliss. Today I'm here to talk about the one thing we can all appreciate in winter (except southern Californians, and well Alaska and Russia are pretty much always snowing,) snowing! What do we know about snow? Well, today I'll make it interesting. I'll read three facts from a cult bible about snow:

1. Snow is God's dandruff.
2. Snow is not water.
3. When it begins to snow, it means it's time again to have three more children...with your own daughter!

Yes, and if you don't believe me, why don't you look it up on emormony! Note that besides the fact that it's a twist of eharmony and Mormons, it also says "more money!" No offense, Mormons.

Now that I insulted one religion I'll have to insult them all! Have a crap holiday, you ungrateful air worshipping fools! You too idol worshipers! And even you atheists! Go buy your presents and shove em' up your a-- you --- for --- in the--- with a ------------ and while your at it-------------- you ugly -------- dipwad----------------!

Note: None of the above stated is actually true and the author is not held responsible for mocking every human being on earth.

-Rage!

EDIT: Shit! I just fell for that Goddamn bullshit find the differences thing! Someone could have warned me!

It's not even scary, but my volume was Goddamn on high! I'm gonna fucking kill you! I'm probably deaf now! Asshole!

15 days!

En Espanol!

I hate Tuesdays. Mondays aren't that bad for me, because I dread it all Sunday and kind of relive my pain. Wednesdays are ok because I have rice crispy treats for dessert at school. I like Thursdays because I can look forward to Fridays. I like Fridays a lot. I hate Tuesdays. Theses pound cake for dessert, which I don't eat, you don't have anything really to look forward to in the week, and it tends to be the day I have to study for a huge test. But that's not what I'm doing as of now. This is what I SHOULD be doing- studying for geometry and Spanish. I know I am going to fail the geometry test. I heard it was hard. I bet I could do pretty well on the Spanish test if I study hard and focus, but that isn't likely. I can't focus on Spanish. Since everything is written in a foreign language, there is no home base. The home base in geometry is, well, at least you can read the directions. In Spanish, the directions, and the work, are in another language, which sets my brain dial on "unfocus", and then I find myself tracing the lines on my hand with my pencil for like 20 minutes. Time flies when you do things like that. Ok, so what I was thinking, is, maybe you could study with me, yes, on this blog. Or on the Facebook page. Ok, so plese name all of the irregular verbs in the preterit form, and also name a bunch of vocabulary from the "En Espanol!" book on chapter four, ok? Then you can quiz me. Maybe I should temporarily rename this blog "El Ragingo Hobbito". Anyway, if you are a close fellow of me, you would know that there is, sometime in the near future, going to be a Raging Hobbit movie! It's called "The Raging Hobbit: A Brisk Journey Through Suburban America" . Es muy bueno. Well I better get started on my studying. Have a Tuesdayo muy boringo.

...Ranto.

16 dayso!

Sunday Morning Rat.

Christmas is closer than ever. Santa and Ranta are coming soon. Remember to tip them. Ok, so first I will talk about some recent events, because thats really what the Sunday Morning Rant is all about. Ok, so Tiger Woods crashes his car into a fire hydrant because his wife is chasing him with a baseball bat. I would have done the same; I wouldn't care if I hit a million fire hydrants. But that's not the point. He had an affair or something, but I don't care. He's a good golfer. I also was asleep in front of the TV while tiger woods had his miracle shot. When I woke up everyone was talking about it. It was a dark day in Rant history. Anyway, Scrubs is back, it was like about to be cancelled but then it wasn't but something is weird, anyway, I demand an apology from my fifth follower Jack Fields, for attacking me and punching me in a half verbal/half physical fight on whether there would be a ninth season and I was right. So if you have a good punishment for him, please leave it in the comments below. Ok, second headline In Raging Hobbit Sunday Morning Rant. You know when I talked about chefs on TV? This is why I hate them. Ok, the second most popular headline today is how some girl on a cooking show got sued for animal abuse because she cooked a rat and ate it. Ok as much as I hate television chefs, I have to defend her. Did a few billion people get sued on Thanksgiving because they cooked a TURKEY and ate it? Do McDonalds or KFC get sued for cooking chicken? Do you get sued for eating burgers? So whats the difference if you cook a rat and eat it? Ok, just saying on another topic, I will be making a Raging Hobbit newspaper, which gathers excerpts of news bits on this blog. Basically, when I cover a certain event on this blog, it will go into "The Raging Hobbit Bulletin". The third highlight is Billy Joel's daughter taking pills and going to the hospital. Thats her, in the picture up there. I don't think it was an attempted suicide, I think she just took too many pills. But that's just me, you can believe what you want. I'm hungry, I think I will go and eat a rat. Have a nice Sunday.

...Rant...18 days.

Brain Stump.

Ok, so I am suffering from a brain stump. This means I have nothing to talk about, but I really need to post. So I will blame Rage. Why blame Rage, you say? BECAUSE HE NEVER POSTS! Here I am on my 45th post and he only has 15!!! See, if Rage posted more, I wouldn't have to feel bad about not posting because I would have another blogger posting when I'm not! Ok, so here's what I do when I have a Brain Stump. I get a weird picture and explain it. So that is exactly what I will do. You see this stupid picture? It comes up in every freaking search!! God! I'm getting sick of this stupid cat with the melon head, its a waste of precious gigabytes and it isn't even funny! I could find a much funnier picture that no one knows about. And do you know what? I hate this picture so much, I am going to put it at the bottom of the page so it isn't the first thing you see and Its not the default for facebook. And I am going to make it really tiny.

...Rant...21 days.

Raging Hobbit Overview

Ok, so I feel bad that I didn't post yesterday, and I don't feel like posting today. So I will do a post similar to my "Transformers and Nazi Lifeguards" post, except this isn't about weird things that semi-annoy me, it's about this very own blog. I will be like Oprah, and start with the obvious questions. Then, I will dig deep into your soul, and make you answer the most personal questinos like "What is your favorite color".

1. What is your favorite color?

2. What is the best Raging Hobbit post so far?

3. Why do you say?

4. What is the suckiest Raging Hobbit post so far? ( please don't say this one.)

5. Why do you say?

6. What is your general thought about Sunday Morning Rants?

7. What comes to mind when you think, Sunday Morning Rant?

8. How many of the "Sausage Links" have you clicked on?

9. How do blimps work?

I will torture you by not having 10 questions.

Now that you have answered my questions, which you should have done wither as a Facebook wall post or a comment on the blog or on Facebook, I may read them for self entertainment. Do not expect us to change, because you will become disappointed. I also do not know what picture to add. So I will browse through the ones I already have. I have chosen one. I didn't get it off the internet or anything-this one was taken by yours truly in Asia.

...Rant...23 days.

Sunday Morning Ranta

Ok, Its the first Sunday before Christmas. I have a lot to talk about. First I will sum up my week off from school. Monday was interesting. That was the day I was going to make potato latkes, but I decided to make a post about Santa. I ate at a really good restaurant on Bloomfield ave. Let me tell you about Bloomfield ave. It has 2 of my four favorite restaurants. Unfortunately, big stupid stores take up space for more restaurants. There is this one furniture store caclled the Hampton House that no one goes in. I have never seen anyone in there, anyone walk in there, or anyone walk out of there. It is huge, too. I don't understand how they stay in business. Well one day, I was on Bloomdfield and noticed a place called Elevation Burger. I thought to myself, thats where the Hampton House was! And I was very happy, and kept walking, until I noticed a familiar furniture store with no one in it. Elevation Burger must have bought a different place. Let me tell you about Tuesday. I made a scrumptious macaroni and cheese, and a cranberry relish with Father Rant. Let me tell you about Wednesday. On the highway to Maine. Rest stop was very bad. There was only one restaurant that actually served hot food, which was what I craved at the time. it was called Papa Gino's, and let me tell you it was one of the worst pizzas I have had in my life. There wasn't really a sauce, it was just like tomato skins, and the crust was so chewy you could rip a piece off without losing teeth, and the cheese was so bad, it was like baked rubber with salt. It was like that kind of mozzarella cheese you have to really chew like gum to actually make it edible. And once you chew it, it gets all dry and disgusting. There was a Ben and Jerry's there, though, so it pretty much saved my life. I got to Maine and went to sleep. Let me tell you about my Thursday in Maine. I learned to moonwalk and I moonwalked so much that my feet got sore. I also watched some weird guy cooking. Let me tell you about chefs on TV. First, there is Rachel Ray. Easy to rant about. Rachel Ray is not a chef, she is an actor. Some weird guy who cooks ells her what to do, bu his face is probably really ugly that they don't show him on TV, they show a young girl instead. Kind of like the little Chinese girl who lip-synced at the Summer Olympics because the real girl who was singing was kind of fat. Ok, other chefs. Theres that weird guy who thinks he's really hot, and cooks under candle light and stuff. Like ok, if you want to be a male model, but you make me lose my appetite when you cook like that and stuff. And you make bad food. Oh, and there's Paula Deen. Probably the scariest person I have ever seen. She looks like a stalker and she scares me. Yep, thats her in the picture. Anyway, I had a great Thanksgiving. The dinner conversation went from Mexican food to gay people somehow, and I think at one point we were talking about aesthetic realism. You know, the people who try to make people un-gay. I laugh when I hear about aesthetic realism. I put it under the same category as Scientologists and Mayan Armageddon believers. Now let me tell you about Friday. Black Friday. Fortunately no one died. But I did hear some thing funny on the radio. "Apparently, lots of people rushed to Walmart today to buy the heavily advertised sale electronics. They left disappointed to find that they had all been quickly taken by early shoppers." But that wasn't the funniest part. They said that since everything was bought early, people have nothing to buy for Christmas. JESUS! DO YOU HAVE TO GO TO A WALMART FOR A CHRISTMAS PRESENT? And electronics aren't your only option JUST because they are on sale! Are electronics TOO EXPENSIVE if there isn't a 10% discount on them? The point is to buy a good present, not just buy what's on sale! Jesus, I thought I hated shoppers before. Well I better wrap this up. My Saturday was uneventful. My Sunday is uneventful SO FAR, but it WILL NOT BE, because I am going to Lombardi's Pizza, epic restaurant.

...Rant...25 days

Blogstorming

Ok, so I don't know what to talk about, so I will type everything that first comes to my mind. This is completely real, nothing I will put was previously thought out. This is called "Blogstorming" Were doing this real time here. The pizza I ate on my way back from Maine. Not eating any lobsters in Maine. Being vegetarian. I wonder how sham wow would taste, it doesn't really smell that good. I wonder if anyone died in Walmart today. Confessions of a Shopaholic. Ranta Claus. That stuffed head took me a really long time to sew. Listening to Blondie. Listening to the Indigo Girls. The Beach Boys either sing about surfing of girls from California. Realizing that the Indigo Girls are lesbian. Not really caring. I wonder if the Indigo Girls are a couple. Googling. No, they are not a couple. I wonder if the beach boys actually surf. I wonder why the only guy in ZZ- Top without a beard had the last name "Beard". I think I am going to put labels on The Raging Hobbit to keep it more organized. I've seen other bloggers do it. Now I am thinking of Ratatouille. The dish, not the movie with the fat and the fat dead guy with the French accent. I think I might make Ratatouille for a late dinner. I wonder what the hell Ratatouille is. OK, mind is going back on topic. That was quite an adventure. Anyway, with the end of Thanksgiving, we enter the Christmas season. Now, it is officially that time of year. I know this was a bad post, but seriously, I had nothing to talk about. Now that you have explored the depths of the mind of Rant, you can see how the mind of Raging Hobbit works. I bet one of you is making a list of all the things I "accidentaly" say, and one day you will blackmail me with all of it. (Note #115- Rant listens to Blondie. Note #116- Rant listens to The Indigo Girls.) Well with that, I leave you another midless post. Have a happy 10:57 pm!

...Rant....27 days.

Happy Black Friday!

27...28...29...

Oh hi there! I've just been tallying the number of people that have died at that one Wal*Mart here this morning! Did you know that at the rate it's going, Wal*Mart will have killed as many people as Quentin Tarantino by the end of today? A new record! Now, I've counted out the facts. On this day, named for the stock market crash for some obscure reason, in the past 20 years, it was not ToysRus; not Target; not even Bush; but Wal*Mart who has killed the most people. And still, foolish fat Americans and their 6-year-old whiny kids who have nothing better to do but buy out dated toys and video games at .0000001% off risk their lives by entering a store designed to fit half as many people. Men, women, and children have been trampled, shot, hosed, and even squashed to death inside Wal*Mart. Did you know that it is guaranteed that at least 1 person in every Wal*Mart on this day will have an injury. And that ranges from a cut on ones finger to decapitation. This year, they are increasing security. Great, even less room!

If you are here, and now, I am very glad you are. Because that must mean you are not out shopping. Unless you're a total jackass and you're paying $10 a minute to get internet on your old crappy phone... that you bought at Wal*Mart.

You're lucky this site can't take more than 1 image at a time and process it correctly, because I have a bunch of pictures to show. But, let's get down to basics. Why the hell is black friday called black friday?

It's said to be a reference to traffic. I think it's actually related to the fact that when you get a concussion, you black out and then keel over. Everyone get's concussions today! Right now, I am sitting at home drinking hot coco by the fire place, watching the Black Friday forecast on youtube live. Look, someone just died!

Have a wonderful day, and rest assured the percentage of death today increases by the percentage of "great" deals that are going on at big box stores. An Xbox for ten dollars! All you have to do is lose both limbs!

-Rage

A New Look

Ok, If you are a dedicated Raging Hobbit reader, you would realize that we have changed our profile picture. That is because our old picture was copyright infringing. Let me first tell you how long it took me to sew that head. I have only sewed once before, when I put a button on a jacket. That alone took me like half an hour. Now imagine me sewing a head out of an old shirt and a bed sheet. I know it looks bad, but it took me three hours. And putting it on a white surface with a knife, and mind you, I sharpened the knife JUST for the photo, and I took a picture, which took me like a half an hour, when when I was going to upload it, my camera ran out of battery right away, and I had to charge it, another hour, then upload it, 10 minutes, crop and edit it, 30 minutes, and make it the profile picture for everything Raging Hobbit related. Well I hope you appreciate it. I am going to make a body and Ranta Claus hat, and he will be the first Raging Hobbit plush toy. If you want to buy him voodoo with a bunch of pins, that is an option too. The best part about owning a plush Ranta toy is that you automatically get on Ranta's good list. And trust me, that is important. Ranta Claus's post will be on the 24th of December, and it is going to be really long. And no, I'm not going to write a lengthy post on Christmas Eve, RANTA CLAUS will. You may notice signs of his annual arrival, like traces of cocaine on our posts. Its that time of year.

Another thing, I am out of food. By "out of food" I mean we used everything in our house to make food for Thanksgiving, and we don't have anything to eat the day before. The day before Thanksgiving is always the hardest. Ok, what I was going to talk about was New Moon, ok I am stealing some bits from an IM conversation with Rage, but since he never made the post, I will steal his material. Ok, as if the first Twilight movie wasn't bad enough, the sequel is supposed to be even worse. Also, if you're going to have a movie called New Moon, don't have it open on the day of a waning gibbous. What a fail. That's like Friday the 13th coming out on Tuesday the 23rd. Needless to say, New Moon has already made 142.8 million dollars. Its one of the biggest movies of the year, excluding Transformers 2, and Harry Potter. Ok, Transformers 2 was really bad. I saw it from Netflix, my dad accidentally put it on out queue. It was terrible, but at least it has Megan Fox. At least.

...Rant.. 29 days