Scary Christmas Music That Makes You Want To Crap Your Pants

So have you ever heard the song "Silent Night?" Here's what I think whenever the song comes on the radio:

Silent Night
Hold Tight
Scary fat man comes down your chimney
And gives you a fright

Silent Night
Hold Tight
Scary fat man comes down your chimney
Don't fight, don't fight

So doesn't that scare the crap out of you? Any way, I need to compete with Rant a little, seeing as he has more than double the posts of me and statistically 5 times more letters written per post. So I'm going to randomly prompt myself and see if I can come up with something. Please hold as I prompt myself.

Banana
Turtles
Fat men
Racism
Ugly Ducklings
George Bush
Money
Trees
Safes
Tissue Boxes

That's it! Tissues. Don't tissues have issues? What i mean by that is, this is the cold season. During the cold season, it gets cold and you get colds. So colds=tissues. So you've got this giant wet mush shoved up your nostril, and you stick this roughass piece of paper up your nose that gives you a skin rash, and little bits of paper harden in your nose. Eventually, the paper becomes dust, which leads to more sneezing. Clearly the tissue companies are thriving.

So this season, petition against misuse of your nose and cut it off. Store it in a cryogenic freezer, and deal with looking like MJ for a few months. In April, give your nose a few days to thaw out and then paste it back on.

And now, this is not a money making scheme. I do not own a cryogenic freezer companies.

What I mean by that, again, is Happy last day of Hanuka and happy less than a week 'til Christmas! You too Mormons!

-Rage