Pilgrims

A couple things that PISS ME OFF about both Black Friday and Thanksgiving. First off, never use say "Black Friday" to a black person. I mistakenly did this last week. There is no alternative to the name "black friday", so i just try not to bring it up. Also, if theres one group of people that I hate more than anime fans, its crazed shoppers. (and jehova's witnesses). You see, these sad little people called shoppers are like a huge stampede of elephants. They don't care about any damn thing except them and the thing they are buying. Nothing can stop them. NOTHING! Face it shoppers, within one week of having whatever you bought, you aren't excited over it anymore. Shoppers, you suck! Moving on to Thanksgiving. When you were little, your class had to cut out little cliché Thanksgiving pictures, am I right? Why are the turkeys always alive and happy? Thanksgiving isn't a holiday that glamorizes happy turkeys, its a holiday where we EAT the turkeys! When have you actually seen a live turkey on Thanksgiving? Speaking of things you NEVER SEE on Thanksgiving, what the hell is that huge cone thing with the vegetables in it??? WHAT IS IT? Its has completely infested all Thanksgiving clip art, we even had to cut them out as little kids, yet it is a mystery as to what the hell it is! Me and my dad are still debating about whether its a woven thing, some sort of edible cone, or a huge hallowed out gourd. To clear this up, no one cares about "giving thanks", huge cones full of pumpkins, or "celebration and history". It is also NOT about pilgrims. They suck! They had a horrible sense of style! Pilgrim outfits left a huge dent in the world of fashion. Let me tell you what 21st century Thanksgiving is like. It is about having friends and family over and cooking, eating, and washing dishes. I take about 10 minutes to finish my food. My family takes about an hour at a formal meal, and as for thanksgiving, up to 4 and a half hours. I timed it last year. And its impolite to fall asleep at the dinner table, so I have no choice but to listen to the conversation. Fuck thanksgiving.

...Rant

Why Anime Fans Suck.

Ok, Anime is not THAT bad, but please do not put a cartoon japanese lady with a humungous awkward dress as your profile picture. Why are people so obsessed with it? I always think that anime fans are all closeted psychopaths, because there is always just something thats off about these people. Its like they are a sub-category of humans. And why do anime fans always have a horrible sense of style? Oh, look at this asian drawing of a woman with a dress that has a 9 foot radius, maybe i should come to school and make myself look like a complete retard! And why is it so popular in anime culture to not be completely human? Look at anime, and you will likely see a relatively normal asian with huge pink ears, a tail, or maybe fangs! Anime people have extremely long hair, most are albino, and the guys all look like douchebags. Find me one anime guy that you can look at an honestly say "wow, this guy doesn't look like a complete tool!". Anime eyes are so enormous that they take of 70% of the skull. And there is always some weird light reflecting from their eyes, and they always look so innocent and asian. But the guys don't look asian at all! Whats with that? I wouldn't call anime a high form of art in any respect. Why is child prostitution so common in anime? Anime porn takes creepy to completely frightening. My anime tolerance goes like this

1. If you draw anime, I guess it could look impressive.

2. If you read it on occasion, I can stand being around you.

3. If you read it obsessively, I dislike you.

4. If you put it as your profile picture, I hate you.

5. If you tag yourself as the girl in the picture, I am afraid of you.

6. If you have a bookshelf with over 40% anime, and/or have a photo album on facebook titles something like "anime", I will try to stay as far away as possible.

7. If you talk to me about anime, I call the cops.

Among the things that irritate me are

1. Anime (of course)

2. Japanese collectibles

3. Modern Art

4. People who like modern art.

5. Creepy smiles

6. Baby Ruths

7. Lacrosse

8. Tea Party protesters

9. Lil Waynes laugh

10. Microsoft

11. The smell of green olives

12. Pickles

13. People who are so fat that they buy themselves motorized chairs

14. Catholics..

15. Religion in general. Particularly Catholics.

16. People who smell like coffee and marijuana. (no names mentioned)

Just because it is kind of similar, I decided to add a list of all the little things I enjoy.

1. The smell of airplanes

2. Wind

3. Finding a french fry at the bottom of the bag

4. Lil Orbit's mini-doughnuts

5. When annoying celebrities go to rehab.

Thats about it.

...Rant

What The Hell Happened? (Full Version)

Ok, I was lurking around on Facebook, and Jack messages me, and I immediately thought, oh, he's going to complain about Teddy or talk about homework! But to my surprise, he told me that the Raging Hobbit was DELETED. Now this completely ruins the story because as you are reading this post, you must be thinking "well, Jack is full of shit, and the story is ruined because I know the Raging Hobbit wasn't deleted". But anyway, I go on myself, and sure enough, it said the blog was removed. I immediately think "NICK, THAT HOMO BAG OF WHORE" and I was ready to blow up his house, when I went back, and suddenly I stared into the eyes of Uncle Ruckus and a creepy stuffed head, and I was silently debating on whether is was good, because RH wasn't deleted, or bad, because I didn't get to hurl a tornado of destruction towards Nick. Then I decided to post, because evidently SOME people still read the blog.

Maybe I should make a list of insults that I've heard that don't make sense.

So I'll do that.

Rant's List Of Insults That Don't Make Sense

"Homo" - I guess you could argue that it could mean something along the lines of "HOMOSEXUAL", but still, its actually just a prefix that means "the same".  Prefix insults are bush league.

"Scrub"- Didn't we used to do that to dishes? Its a verb, fucksticks.

"Fucksticks"- Its a dumb insult. I guess it could make sense, but we have enough insults relating to penises.

"BAG OF WHORE"- For some reason, this particular defamation is always used in all caps.

"Sperm Bank"- I don't need to explain why this insult sucks.

"Fuckaroo or Motherfuckeroo"- I guess its fun to say, but it sounds stupid!

"Bag of Douche"- Don't make me kill you. The term is "douchebag"

Yes, I've heard all of these insults being used.  Mostly by the same person.

Now we move on to something different: phrases.

"Shut Your Ass"- Used to replace "shut up". although "shut your ass" means something entirely different than "stop talking".  It actually seems more like something you'd say to your dog who can't stop farting in front of the guests.  "Hey Rufus!  Shut your ass!  It smells like a god damn shit factory in here!"

"What the Shit"- If I was an old irish lady, I would beat people with my handbag every time they said this.  God damn, this one really makes my eye twitch.

"Shit the Fuck!" - I HAVE heard this, usually when someone messes up putting their words together in some way. Not sure if they were trying to put together something creative, or if they tried to say "SHIT!" and "WHAT THE FUCK!" at the same time.  It really makes you sound like a fool, no matter how angry you are.

"Zip Your Face"- ITS ONLY FUNNY IF STEVE CARELL SAYS IT.  Stop trying to quote movie insults that are supposed to be stupid.  This and these fucking Step-Brothers insults.  Stop already.  

-Rant

Rage's Unfinished Posts

I just found these. Most were written early this year. -Rant

The fallowing is truly my most shallow excuse for remaining a Catholic:


ATHEISTS ARE JERKS

I said it once, I'll say it again.

ATHEISTS ARE JERKS

Literally, I am yet to meet an Atheist I could handle. Not one. They all act as a unified force of mean.


Now, I know most of you atheist whom of which read the Raging Hobbit will get offended. (All 2 of you) But that's because you're a jerk who can't take a joke! Anyway, Back to the sad truth about the atheists. I know, I know, your not ALL jerks. And you don't really ever act like a jerk, EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO RELIGION!!! You always have to try and convert us happy religious types.

Here's an exact quote from out friend Theo "Woodpusher" Coyne: "Hey, Nick, prove to me God is real!"

Here's the next one.. -Rant

It has come to my attention that the reputation of our happy little town of Montclair is one of purely evil slander. Let me show you:

Verona: White, Rich
Bloomfield: Urban, Poor-ish, Ghetto, Montclair Sr.
Cedar Grove: Pathetic, Funny, The town with the rotting remains of an asylum, (basically the Nick Harras of towns in Essex County.)
Clifton: Rich, Awesome, Friends with everyone
Waine: ...
Montclair: Rich/Poor, White/Ghetto, GAY!!!

No, but actually, Montclair is like... the gayest town within 10 miles. And it breaks my heart. My gay, little, Montclairian heart.

Here's the third. -Rant

Hello and G'day! I decided to write a little more about morons...err...mormons! Once again, in advance, I apologies to the mormons. Actually, I don't. You guys don't have internet access! Hahahahahaha! Take it! Your "Bible" forbids "internets!"

So, I decided to steal one of your "Bibles" from one of your "holy impounds" full of your "wives" as in "daughters."

Mormon list of holidays:

Christmas: The celebration of the birth of Jesus. Did you know that Mary was actually Jesus's daughter?

Easter: The death of Jesus. It's that time of year again! Have a child with your daughter!

Great Papa's birthday: Rejoice! Have a threesome with your daughter!

The best for last, here is another unfinished kitten post. -Rant

Well, I was going to post a link saying "Funny Video," as the most hilarious joke ever, but I was trying to add a scared face picture, and when I Googled "gasp" all that came up was, no, not porn, but kittens; which are nude, therefore kitten porn.

Note Things

This Facebook note situation is getting extreme. The 35 things no one cares about note idea has moved to a whole new demographic- that same crew who changes their middle name to "Lautner" and throws a party every time a new Twilight movie comes out. So this means that not only are they taking up wall space, but I also get notifications for it. Having not much to do, I looked at some of these notes, and to be honest, I wouldn't be able to tell any of them apart. Now, since the Raging Hobbit demographic is not these type of people and chances are they aren't reading this post, I can talk about them all I want. So every one has at least four "facts" about how they love/miss their friends, a fact about how they're friends are so nice to them, 2 facts about Jersey Shore/or Snooki, not only that, but EVERY SINGLE ONE is called something like "so this is 35 facts, right?" or "35 facts, I guess". NO. You do not GUESS, or THINK anything. You do not sound cooler by pretending to not understand the concept, which, incidentally, is incredibly easy. you write 35 things about yourself. And you obviously understood it when you were writing the note, so you don't need to pretend you don't get it anymore. Let me just tell you that when I wrote the post "Penis Crackers" It was made as a joke towards my friends, who were the only ones doing this at the time, and YES, I DID make one, but only 2 other people had done it at the time. So stop giving me crap about it!

So I thought it would be nice to close off with one last note

35 Things About The Raging Hobbit

1. I just realized after having ranted about facebook notes, that The Raging Hobbit spawned from Greg's Facebook Notes.

2. I can call him Greg now because he left Raging Hobbit

3. The month with the most posts was Spetember 2009 (24), followed by April 2010 (21)

4. The month with the least posts were February and June 2010, both with 0

5. The Raging Hobbit started September 2, 2009

6. The post "Rant's Complete List of True Celebrity Rumors And Brief Rant On American Idol" was supposed to be the last Raging Hobbit post.

7. The post "Teen Idols" is the only Raging Hobbit Post not to be posted right after it was written. It was in Raging Hobbit Limbo for about 2 months. The picture was made after.

8. "The Ranta Score" was the longest post to write (over 3 weeks), and is also the longest post to date. [Update, the longest post is now Ultimate Rant Time, but it did not take as long to write..]

9. Rage (Greg) has said he would quit Raging Hobbit 3 times and counting

10. Rant has 92 posts, Rage has had 25.

11. Every single post has a picture.

12. The shortest post to date is "Fat Pirates"

13. The Jack Fields Posts has more pictures than any other post (6).

14. The only posts ever to be removed from Raging Hobbit are "Crappy Fanmail" and Jack's post about mailmen.

15. The post that has been edited the most over time is the first one, "The Raging Hobbit"

16. The Raging Hobbit logo has been changed 4 times.

17. The post with the most comments is "The Longest Post. Ever."

18. Its not the longest post ever.

19. The first post that comes up on google when you search "Raging Hobbit" is "Sunday Morning Rant?"

20. I gave up on sunday morning rants a while back.

21. This blog was originally going to be called "The Angry Midget"

22. "The Angry Midget" was supposed to be Greg.

23. The Facebook page for Raging Hobbit came before the blog.

24. The first follower was Teddy

25. I've had "Eye of the Tiger" on repeat the whole time I've been writing this post.

26. My name was originally going to be "Louis Breckley", not Rant.

27. Greg was going to be "The Angry Midget"

28. "Louis Breckley and The Angry Midget" just sounded too much like a 90's family sit-com.

29. theangrymidget.blogspot.com was taken by some guy who only posted once in 2008, and it was a bunch of jokes he copied and pasted from CollegeHumor.

30. I'm still listening to Eye of the Tiger

31. Longest post name- "I Haven't Posted In A While But I Will Start Posting More Because I finished Standardized Testing And A History Report"

32. Shortest Post Name- "Post 100"

33. Of the many things I complain about, I've never complained about the weather.

34. Technically, only three other people have posted besides me and Greg. (Jack, Corrina, and Rage 9.2.1)

35. IDK!!

...Rant

Penis Crackers

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE HOBBIT ENTHUSIASTS? There are none! Absolutely none! And I know this wasn't some conspiracy to all unfollow the blog, because one of the followers was ME, and no one knows the password to my account!

I would like to congratulate Rage 9.1.2, to be honest, I saw this one coming. Its always nice to add one more asshole to our asshole raging hobbit community.

Facebook notes. I have been tagged in three of them today. I honestly do not care if you like cats, straighten your hair every day, or eat penis crackers. Stay off my damn page. Do you know why I started a facebook? To see if Osama Bin Laden was really facebook friends with Barack Obama. Honest to god! I didn't ask for any of this! And I couldn't see unless I had a facebook! So i used the name "joe gandhi" because I didn't want annoying people from my 3rd grade summer camp that I barely talked to friending me! But thats exactly what happened! Two random people from my grade friended a random guy named "Joe Gandhi". At first I was like, what are the odds, and then I realized that I had filled out my school and graduation year, because it was required. Apparently, these two people who friended me (names will not be written), thought there was actually someone in the grade named Joe Gandhi. So I stupidly changed my name to my REAL one, and thats when the requests came pouring in. Family members, teachers, friends, random asians, and advertisers. Thats when I got caught up in barn-ville and war rabbits and become a fans and photos and music and news feed and chat and BleaaahHHHHH! Stop tagging me in notes!! I will go mad!!!!!!

...and the funny thing is, I still don't know if Osama Bin Laden is facebook friends with Obama.

Rant

Death of Rage

Hello, world.
I have some terrible news for you...
Rage... is dead. What do you mean who? Come on... Rage? He was the one who made the bad racist jokes and made fun of Jack Fields one too many times.... RAGE!? He made Like 15% of the posts! What did you think "Rant and Rage" was?

Oh, yeah, yes he was Greg... This is what Greg was talking about when you were only half listening to him.... Uh huh... You better believe it.

Don't cry, those of you who pretend to like Greg and say he reminds you of Phineas and Ferb. Don't you shed one tear. Why? It's a simple asnwer:

ME!!!

It's Rage.9.2.1, baby! The next generation! N.I.Q! Spirit! Sputniq! Que! Llama Boy! Stavo! Harry! Jizz-Pillow! The Depressed Looking Kid in the Corner of Mr. Millers Room! Greg^2!

Like a phoenix, Greg's fiery soul ignited and out from the remaining ashes raises the Nick Harras you see here now. Or something like that, I was too tired to remember.

That's right, AMERICA, I finally inherited a blog with 12 followers. My 1st step toward world domination. Maybe one day, I'll be a Jonas Brothers fan or maybe and an Apple Genius. (That was sarcasm... I was mocking this blog)

In any case, I promise to take Rage to a whole new level. (And don't worry, Teddy, I went through the whole legal process... of an iChat video chat given oath.) Greg may have pixelmator... but I'm funnier... so... done and done.

I don't know what Rant will say to this, seeing as step by step I am slowly intruding into his life.

I promise, Raging Hobbit, that I will not only to long to, but to become a gigantic asshole.

... Rage

Golf

Why is it that everyone who doesn't play golf think its stupid? "its so stupid and you dont do anything derp derp" fuck all of you. I don't care if its "not a sport" or "you don't do anything", its FUN. You know what sport I think is stupid? Basketball. All you do is bounce a ball and throw it into rings. Any sport could sound sucky when you put it into perspective. Take soccer for example. You kick a ball. Thats all. Wanna know a FACT? Playing 18 holes of golf burns 400 calories. AND thats only when you use a golf cart. Most people walk, which means more of like around 750 calories. Golf IS a sport. I mean if poker is a sport, you have to give golf a chance. And fishing? really? What about a port where you just go around killing people? is murder a sport? Murderball. Man is the most dangerous game. See, killing people IS a sport! What did that have anything do with anything? I don't know. But really, if you've never played golf, DON'T say its boring. (teddy cahill).

...Rant

Miley and Fish

OK MILEY, Its OK if you go to Britain and act like a lesbian hooker, just don't do it in America. Sooo, who went out and bought a copy of "Can't Be Tamed?"......awkward silence.... That's right! No one did! And there are two simple reasons no one likes the album! 1, its above the "age level" of normal Hannah Montana listeners. 2, no one who listens to that type of music ever liked Miley Cyrus! Thats right, she's too old for the younger crowd, and the older crowd would look stupid if they bought a Miley Cyrus CD! Let me look at the top albums on iTunes...hmm... Eminem, Arcade Fire, OH THERE IT IS! Can't Be Tamed! Number 129 in top Albums! HA! She's been blown out by the soundtrack for Inception, a Counting Crows album that's been out since 1993, a Nirvana album thats been out since 1991, even "Creed", which was deemed the worst band in the world, has an album from 2004, which is doing better than Miley's new album, which came out last week.

Miley-0

World-1

Its just a matter of time until Miley Cyrus turns into another Lindsay Lohan. I can already imagine a drunk Miley Cyrus with a cigarette voice that is even more painful to listen to, standing next to a talking car or about to turn into Jamie Lee Curtis. What annoys me about Miley Cyrus almost as much as her goblin voice is her weird round head and wide mouth that makes her look like an angler fish.

Can't you see the resemblance? The funny thing is, female angler fish are kind of like fish whores because they mate with dozens of male fish. I'm sure Miley Cyrus is already on her way to becoming a Lindsay Lohan Fish Whore.

I feel bad for male angler fish. There so cute, but they end up biting on to female angler fish which are like 40 times as big, and completely morphing into the lady fish's body leaving only his balls. Mother Nature must have been high.

[2011 Update, Miley Cyrus has been caught smoking out of a bong! whoop de wop ..called it]

...Rant

Jack Fields

This year, January 2, at 11:13 AM, I promised the world I would make a post solely about Jack Fields. Here it is. This post will include bonus features, including "How to Be Like Jack!", "Jack Fields Crossword Puzzle!" and even some exclusive lame Jack Fields pun photos, all visual representations of play on words based on the name Jack! You'll see classics like "Jack in The Box", "Hit the Road, Jack", and the ever so classic, "Brush my Teeth With a Bottle of Jack"!

How To Be Like Jack

By Rant

*check check*

*cough*

*ahem..*

Step One- Buy every pokemon card ever designed! Well, not all of them, because you still need some to complain that you don't have!

Step Two- Live in a house near Watchung Plaza, but never actually go there!!

Step Three- Break your screen door, so you can blame it on other people and get money!

Step Four- Have your info box on Facebook say "Rocking the rocking rock drums rock".

Step Five- Always wave your hands when you talk, like you are conducting an invisible orchestra of retarded kids!

Step Six- Have a pool table, but remember not to ever use it!

Heres an exclusive Jack Fields Crossword puzzle! Finish it correctly, and you might just be the next Jack Fields!

How many puns can you make with a name Jack? I could only think of three off the top of my head, but it took long enough to make even these! I even had to put the text ON the picture, because everything about blogger sucks, and I couldn't just label the pictures.

...Rant

Rant on Armond White

Heres something I haven't done in a while, rant about dumb people I hate. I'll start off by talking Armond White. He is possibly the douchiest movie critic in the world. I usually give less than a shit about movie critics, but this guy really gets under my skin. Lets start off by listing a few movies Armond DOESN'T like.

1. Every Pixar movie.

2. The Dark Knight

3. District 9

4. Both Iron Man movies

5. Zodiac

6. Knocked Up

7. Star Trek

8. The Hangover

9. Tropic Thunder

10. Precious

11. Inglourious Basterds

12. Transformers, but he likes Transformers 2?

I'm still wondering as to how he likes ANY Transformers movie, let alone the worst one. To give every single pixar movie a bad review has kept ALL of them from reaching the 100% mark on Rotten Tomatoes. So long as Armond White is alive, that will never happen. When I saw every pixar movie, I hope you know that this includes Toy story 3, Wall-E, and Up. Which all had 100% positive reviews until Armond white lit up his douche of fury and pounded them all. Now heres a list of movies Armond White DOES like!

1. Transformers 2

2. Confessions of a Shopaholic

3. Jonah Hex

4. Land of the Lost

5. Terminator Salvation

6. Dance Flick

7. Grown Ups

8. The Last Song with Miley Cyrus

9. Norbit

10. Fanboys

Fuck Armond White.

He says he didn't like Toy Story 3 because of merchandising, but he likes Transformers 2? I've always pictured Armond White as a guy who watches movies all day while shoving a Transformers action figure up his asshole. I wouldn't be surprised if equally retarded Mr. Michael Bay bribed him to be the only critic to like his movies. He even looks like a felon.  I'm not stereotyping, its just something about how his eyes roll back into his head, it makes him look like one of those taxi drivers who are actually terrorists/serial rapists, or one of those ghetto santa clauses in the malls who like the children a little too much. I think he walks around with a sack of children's heads. I just hope he doesn't find this post and try to track me down and add me to his array of beheaded children tied to his ceiling.

...Rant

Good Things And Bad Things

A few good things have happened recently, and a few bad things. I'll start out with what I usually do, rack off all the things that are pissing me off right now. A funny thing happened to me as I was signing on to Blogger. I pressed a letter or something on the keyboard by accident, and the language was changed. Now it was changed to like bok choy or some language that like 0.005% of the world has heard of. Now because blogger is a brilliant piece of work, as I went to change the language, I noticed all of the language names were in this ancient language. So now I had to go through all of the languages until I ran into English. What actually happened before I got to English, though, was that I clicked like Finnish or some language where all the language names were close to English, so I found English pretty easily. Another thing that ticked me off today was the fact that these annoying little lines kept popping up on the home page of Raging Hobbit. This was something I had to fix before I went insane. Google had no results for lines popping up so I had to use my minimal HTML editing knowledge. This is basically what I know about HTML. You delete things you don't want, so it isn't on your blog. Make one mistake and it fucks it all up. So I looked for something that said "little white corners" which is basically what was popping up on the homepage. And I found some link to a weird thing in the HTML code, but it said "corners" somewhere in it, so I deleted it, and it worked. But don't call me a genius about this or anything, because the last time I messed with the HTML code, the blog was completely incomprehensible, and it took me ages to fix.

Here are some good things about today. I made molten chocolate lava cake yesterday for dessert, and the house has smelled like chocolate ever since. The only bad part about that is when you have a dad like mine, who lights incense sticks every 4 minutes, the scent combination is absolutely horrible. It smells kind of like burnt hair. But back to the good things, I DID manage to get the little raging hobbit head on the address bar. The only thing I really have to do now to make this website seem more individual and less Blogger controlled is to have a personal domain name- i.e. theraginghobbit.com. BUT it costs good money. Money you have to pay every year. Oh well, maybe one day..

...Rant

Teen Idols

This is one I wrote a while ago, but never posted for some reason. This is the first thing that comes to my mind when seeing or hearing these following teen idols or "rising stars".

Selena Gomez- Illegal immigrant.

Kesha- Stoner and/or a really f*cked up Taylor swift.

Miley Cyrus- Goblin from Harry Potter that says "lamp please....key please..."

Justin Bieber- Woman.

Miranda Cosgrove- Evil clown. She has that same smile..

Demi Lovato- Breathes so much in her songs, sounds like she is calling 911

Shia LaBeouf- Nasal congestion

Bindi Irwin- About to be bitten by snake

Brenda Song- Asian

The Jonas Brothers- Like the Doobie Brothers but not at all

Josh Peck- Should be fat

Dylan and Cole Sprouse- Blonde=stupid

Jamie Lynn Spears- What the hell happened to her baby?

Vanessa Hudgens- Inability to wear clothing

Megan Fox- Fox=Dingo. Dingoes eat babies.

Jonah Hill- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sj3BBArd4so

So that's all I could think of off the top of my head.

...Rant

Top 5 Worst Photos Used On Raging Hobbit Posts

I finally made an actual logo for The Raging Hobbit. Yes, a real logo. With a name. *clapclapclap*. Anyway, looking back on the old terribly photoshopped picture I had for Fists of Rage, I decided to countdown the 5 worst photos we ever decided to stamp on a post. Lets start with number 5.

5.) The Deer One

Post- Making Fun Of Animals

Of course we've seen bad animal caption pictures enough. But that doesn't stop Rage from posting this mundane and unrelated picture. Of all the bad things I could point out about this photo choice, I have to point out the 4 L's in bullet. I'm not sure If that was intended or not, but even if it was, how does it fit into the joke? But the lame animal pictures don't stop here..

4.) The Melon Cat One

Post- Brain Stump

I promised I would never ever use this photo in a Raging Hobbit post, no matter how small I made it. But I ended up posting the picture really small below a post just to show which one I was talking about. This picture still makes me annoyed when I look at it. Every single god damn thing I google I see this stupid f*cking cat with the melon on his head. God damn. I swear that picture..

3.) The Stupid Random Kool Aid One

Post-Political Correction and Tasty Processed Strawberries

What the hell is this? The kool aid man, with a sign indicating that he has no pants, and another one of those annoying viral animal pictures. Its the orangutan thing! All against a white background, this is obviously a terribly edited photo by Rage, trying to find material for posting. Too bad the post is only 12 words long! Worst photo ever? Not quite..
2.) The LolCat One

Post- Kittens...

What the hell was the point of that one? So I think that might have been Rage's fifth post about kittens, and his 11th post about animals? I think Rage's material is broken down into 3 general categories- 60% animals, 10% Bing!, and 30% me. Well this picture was annoying to the point that I almost went ahead and changed it for him. Here there is a crudely cropped picture of a cat, on a white background, with random text that hurts to read, and doesn't even make sense in relation to the post. But I saved the very worst for last...
1.) Matt Damon's Head In A Saw IV Poster

Post- Fists of Rage

Don't even look at this picture. Seriously, turn your head. This awfully photoshopped photo shows the difference between photoshop cs4 and photoshop cs5. In our first on here, We have a two dimensional floating Matt Damon head, suffering in proportion and physical impossibilities. The second one is perfect. Hopefully, since I told Rage how to get Photoshop cs5, we won't have any more bad animal pictures.

...Rant

Rant on Saw

DAMN IT! I was so happy that they changed "Saw 3D" back to "Saw VII", but they changed it back AGAIN! And then theres Paranormal freakin activity 2, which comes out on like the same day, which is probably going to worse than every single awful horror sequel in the world combined, which the director of "SAW 3D" wanted to direct anyway. It depends, what do you like better? Filming people getting tortured or filming people talking about ghosts for 2 and a half hours? F*ck Paranormal Activity! Thats like Dennis Kucinich shit! And f*ck "SAW 3D". Its going to be awful because the sick retards who produce Saw are running out of money to spend on child pornography so they ditched the idea of Saw 8, so the movie is either going to be long as shit or going to have like two stories going on at once like Saw V, so you can't tell what happened when or if this happened in Saw III era or post-Saw era. You know what else I hate about Saw? They make GREAT effing posters! FOR THE WORST MOVIES. Saw IV must have been the shittiest movie of them all, but they have this awesome poster (above) of Jigsaw's head, which incidentally weighs eight pounds! The best movie, The first Saw, is only a picture of a dudes leg with the vibrance turned all the way down. Another thing I hate about Saw is that all my favorite guys die. Lawrence, the blonde prick, lives, of course, when Adam has to die! Eric Matthews, the guy played by Mark Wahlberg's brother, dies, but Detective Hoffman lives! Whoever Danny Glover played was killed by Zepp, Zepp was killed my Adam, Adam was killed by Amanda, Amanda was killed by Jeff, Jeff was killed by Strahm, Strahm was killed by Hoffman, and Hoffman, was SUPPOSED to be killed by Jigsaw's really hot wife, but of course he LIVED! I hate Hoffman! I hope a dies a really gruesome death in Saw VII, which I refuse to call Saw 3D.

[Update- in Saw 3D, Hoffman was killed my Lawrence! win!]

...Rant

Strangers With Free Candy

Have you ever felt like theres someone you really shouldn't introduce yourself to? Thats how I feel right now. There are a bunch of people in my house right now for some event which I'm not entirely sure is for, and I keep having to introduce myself to creepy people who keep asking me how old I am, what grade I'm in, and if I want to go in their van for some free candy. So here I am, shut in my room with my cat, trying to avoid introducing myself to strangers.

Reasons Not to Leave my Room.

1.) Someone is making parrot noises.

2.) They are now making owl noises.

3.) Everyone is a lawyer.

4.) I heard my dad say my name , and then I heard a bunch of people laugh.

5.) In my room there is my laptop, my iPod, my bookshelf, my cat, and my stuffed Raging Hobbit head.

6.) Outside my room, there are creepy lawyer strangers, bad sandwiches, a tub of ice, and singing people.

7.) I'm not done with this post yet.

Anyway, I would also like to add o to my old Nazi Lifeguard post by noting that I hate lifeguards. I hate them so much. First of all, its the swimming pool's fault for having the lap lanes in the middle of the pool so you have to get out every time you want to go to the other end, and then the douchebag lifeguard yells at you for cutting though the lanes even if no one is swimming laps. They yell at you for every thing they can find reasons to yell about. they LIKE getting people in trouble for stupid reasons! They all LOOK the same, too! Blonde haired guys with red tinted sunglasses and way to much sunscreen. I swear, I would love to line up every lifeguard and personally strangle all of them.

...Rant

Fists of Rage

I would like to unleash my fists of rage first today on an Italian restaurant that gave me a dish of something they called olive oil, that may have killed my mouth. I swear, there was no olive oil in that. It tasted like something that i would not mention in polite conversation. The bread was great, but I swear, this was no olive oil. There was also some plastic thing in my gnocchi.

I would also like to unleash my fists of rage on my cell phone for jumping out of my pocket in New York City. There is absolutely no way I am getting that back. They funny thing is, I could have SWORN I had it in the car on the way back, but it is no where to be seen.

I would like to unleash my fists of rage on Matt Damon.

I would also like to unleash my fists of rage on the Spanish soccer team. I hate Spanish soccer players. They kind of look like asshole neanderthals. I think the Germany defeat is the fault of the referee for not calling ANY of Ramos's fouls, especially when he fouled Ozil the moment before he was about to score a goal.

I would also like to unleash my fists of rage on whatever genius changed the name for Saw 7. If you didn't already know, it is now called "Saw 3D- The Traps Come Alive". That has to be the worst name i have heard in my life. It barely makes sense, plus, Saw has now fallen into the terrible hellhole of new movies in 3D. I always found it hard on my eyes to watch 3D movies, and I will only be satisfied if some guys liver gets blown out into the audience and someone starts screaming. I like watching people get scared of 3D movies, it makes me happy.

I would also like to unleash my fists of rage on Blogger for not accepting my password for like 2 months.

[Update, my phone was under my bed.]

[Update, the name was changed to Saw- The Final Chapter. much better.]

...Rant

Explanation

I had some password issues and thats why I haven't posted since May but its all good. I'll post tomorrow, its like midnight right now so bye.

...Rant

Rant's Complete List Of True Celebrity Rumors and Brief Rant On American Idol

I hate American Idol. Its just the whole..."and the winner is.." *commercials* "now the winner of American Idol 2010 is.." *commercials* "ITS L-" *commericials* "ITS LEE"! American Idol would be really really short if it wasn't for all the suspenseful crap. Well I hate American Idol. Who gives a crap if Lee wins or Fat Black Mike wins. Or if Crystal or Bearded Retard wins. And I hate the judges. WTF is Ellen doing on the show gtfo!! This show is reserved for straight people only! *cough adamlambert cough* You should've learned your lesson when Adam Lambert lost! IDOL HATES GAY PEOPLE. AMERICA HATES GAY PEOPLE. But why? Adam Lambert should have won, he was better anyway..not that I care about American Idol anyway, but the gay one always loses. I could make a giant list of gay failures. I hate the english judge too. GO TO BRITISH IDOL; YOU DON'T BELONG HERE. YOU DON'T EVEN TALK RIGHT. He's the most harsh out of all the judges. Here's what I say, if you don't have anything nice to say, shut the f*ck up and sail back to your own country! I hate Randy too. Mostly because his name is Randy. I hate people named Randy. Now for a totally separate thing, I will list all of my true celebrity rumors.

True Celeb Rumors

By Rant

*cough*

1. Lady Gaga has a penis. I saw it first hand.

2. Paul McCartney Is dead. I know this because I cremated him and burning Beatle smells AWFUL

3. Michael Jackson is still alive! I saw him driving his car and blasting Billie Jean!

4. Justin Bieber is gay. He asked me out.

5. Mr. Steve blues clues died of a heroin overdose, I remember his last words "dude..Rant.....that was some strong acid..."

Now you know. I have to go, bye.

...Rant.

Glee Spoiler

Its pretty late, even for me, so this is going to be brief. Thats the gay one in the picture!

Glee Spoiler.

Warning.

Contains Spoilers.

What happens in Glee world of the near future. The gay one strangles the dude in the wheelchair. Ms. 40 Year-Old-Virgin-Boss-Lesbian beats the living crap out of the gay one. The asian and the hot one get into a bar fight and both get shot by the fat one. Mowhawk dude dies from heroin overdose. The ginger stabs the fat one in vain, and the rest of the characters who cannot be put into general stereotypes move to Alaska and become eskimos and spend their days drawing wooly mammoths inside of their igloo.

Ginger chick eats a bad pickle and gets herpes.

So thats basically what happened. Have a good two more hours of Tuesday, a day which you will probably completely forget within the next few weeks essentially making it completely insignificant. Bye.

...Rant

Fat Critics

Ever seen a really promising movie trailer and you can't wait to see the movie...then you see the reviews? Movie critics are fat assholes whose job it is to simply watch movies and talk about them. So naturally, they're fat. Although I hate fat people a lot, that isn't the reason I hate movie critics. They are so negative. Who wants to read something where a guy is just ranting about everything he hates? They always have something BAD to say. They watch movies prepared to say something bad about them. Whats the point of even having movie critics anyway? When you see a movie, YOU decide whether its good or not, why do you need some fat drooling asshole to change your mind? Possibly worse than movie critics are food critics. Naturally, they are even fatter, because their job is to eat and talk about food. But food critics vary more so than movie critics do. The "best" food critics are the Italian skinny ones that drink wine and eat olives and start writing stupid poetry about the food and use all these smilies and metaphors or whatever and you can't understand what it says. The lowbrow fatass food "critics" who just want an excuse to eat for a living are all fat, and NONE of them are Italian. I did a quick google search for the phrase "food critic", and the first thing that came up was "wikiHow- How to become a food critic!" Excellent! Lets say I'm a fat kid who loves to eat and wants to eat for a career, lets get started! "If you enjoy tasting a wide variety of foods"...(blah blah blah fat fat fat blah diabetes) "...and love to write, this may be the perfect career for you". If you already have pulled up the link, take note of the images of people stuffing their faces with food. And you always wondered why food critics preferred to be anonymous. They don't want everyone to know the truth behind food critics. Meh, I think I'll pass. I hate movie critics and food critics, they all fall into the same general category of people who can't find a job that doesn't involve doing things they would do on their own time anyway. (i.e. eating, watching movies).

Author's notes-

I personally photoshopped that picture. See what I do for my fans?

In case you didn't get it, at the beginning of the post, I was referring to Nightmare on Elm Street...

Its Ironic how food critics are fat, if you think about it, its almost as ironic as fat doctors and fat gym teachers.

...Rat

Pepperidge Farms.

A little on Pepperidge Farms. I ran out of double chocolate Milanos the other day, so I decided to make some of my own. On my empty Milano bag, there is a section called, Art Of The Cookie®. Its basically a recipe. Perfect! But not perfect! This is what the recipe was..

Art Of The Cookie®

Begin with a baker's soul. Seek the finest ingredients. Explore Nature's infinite variety of flavors and textures-

Sweet...crunchy...rich... oh, and chocolate. Entertain inspirations. Embrace decadent cravings.

Reward yourself.

Open...taste...delight.

Hm? So I decided to call Pepperidge Farms and ask them about it. Unfortunately, they said they were closed, but didn't say what time they were open. So I called Nabisco, maybe they could help. I didn't realize that they were owned by Kraft. Kraft was pissy and mean and didn't give any information. I called Pepperidge Farms nice and early the next day. The first guy I talked to asked to talk to my parents. I told him they were dead and I hung up on him. The next woman asked me for my age, so she could "address me properly" since when do you address people by their ages? "Hey, 23"..."Yooo....22, whats upppp?". Anyway I ended the call. These were the things I was going to say.

Begin with a baker's soul. What does this mean? Do you have to take it from him? Does he die when you get it? Do you need like a soul reaper to get it for you? Where the hell is the soul anyway? Maybe I'll just cut him open and look around for a soul. The devil has plenty of souls, maybe I can ask him for one he got from a baker. I've already embraced decadent cravings, explored natures infinite variety of flavors and textures, and I have definitely rewarded myself! Its the baker's soul thats the problem. My adaption of Milanos did not go accordingly. I took two slices of bread and put sugar on them, with Nutella in the middle. I baked it at 470˚F, but when I took it out, the bread and nutella didnt taste very good and the sugar fell off when i removed it from the oven. Please help me make Milanos!

BTW, have any of you noticed that weird bump thing on every milano? what is that?

...Rant

Serets Exposed: Rant is in The Klan!

Rant and co, Circa 1956; Far right in way back

That's right. I gave up on arguing. To tired. All that matters is, I decided to dig some dirt up and found the one unmasked man in the picture, the suspicious one way back to the far right with the cold, pale, unblinking blue eyes is none other than the nefarious Rant. Wreaking havoc and waging war on America, the Grand Poo-bah turns out to be one of our own. I've pinned up a list of hate crimes he's been filed for on his trek across the country wreaking havoc on the "unworthy."

+ 1957 - Busted for hanging "color television"

+ Classified 1958-77

+ 1979 - Rapped for murdering twelve children in church explosion

+ 1988 - Killed a boy named "Martin Lawrence" and hired a recruit bad comedian to take his place... also sparked the rise of skin spray-painting and the Blue Man Group

(Don't tell me when the Blue Man Group really started, I don't care.)

+ 1991 - Poisoned a police offer: Spiked his big mac with AIDs blood instead of ketchup

+ 2001 - Sparked a holy war by crashing a few planes somewhere, blaming it on the "inferoids"

+ 2007 - Killed British Ambassador during a tea party: Quoted "This is America, we have COFFEE parties!"

His history is brutal, but know this 80 year old man is extremely dangerous, owns a compound in Waco, Texas, and is a registered sex offender. Stay away from Rant, or should I say Klant? How about shant? This is the 21st century, douchebag! Oh, and Dinosaurs ARE real!

-Rage

Derp II

Rant: Defending Raging Hobbit free will for 7 months!

1. THATS BECAUSE YOU ARE STUPID

2. So you have no response for me?

3. The what..?

4. ^^That was a necessity^^

5. Until you play the game, you cannot discover the brilliance.

6. Potus game? What?

5. AHA! I see your ability to argue is quickly deteriorating! "That wasn't me....."

6. ITS FUNNY BECAUSE JACK IS FAT

7. Then I am your father, so I can legally kill you.

I can see a chain of longer posts developing...

1. You are a cancer baby. If you were my child I would have had you aborted.

2. *Proof that you hire poor Oriental boys to write for you. I know you don't speak chinese!*

3. INDEED

4. More proof that your argumentative skills are deteriorating.

5. INDEED

6. YOU ARE THE FAT ONE WHO COLLECTS COAT HANGERS FROM THE CHANGING ROOM FLOORS AND HANGS THE SHIRTS BACK UP.

7. True that but you still looked it up on Jack's laptop.

8. YES YES YES YOU DO

9. I would prefer not to dwell on Rage's 10th topic, so I'll remove it from the list.

This post is long.

10. I do make very good fried rice..

9. That's actually not my fried rice recipe! I got it off Epicurious.com!

8. CANDLES DO NOT HAVE GENITALIA.

7. That may be the way you like to play it...but my way is different.

6. What, the candle? CANDLES DO NOT HAVE GENITALIA!

5. I am a clean bastard child!

4. I don't stub my toes! I am a dignified imposing man!

3. That actually had nothing to do with me, but ok!

2. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080508174238AAoAqWy

1. If hot dogs were in a fridge, they wouldn't be very hot, would they? Eh? EEHH?

...Rant

I don't HAVE any children! Suck on that!

Here comes the Gettysburg fucking address!

1. No! I don't remember!

2.

3. You started the "dick lick?"

4. ^^That was a necessity^^

5. I can't possibly imagine.

6. The potus game?

5. That wasn't me...

6. If I am fat... then Jack is OBESE.

7. Well, that teaches you a lesson in protected sex.

Discrediting lies:

1. It's a serious disease! Fuck you! Why don't you make fun of cancer babies too?

2. 他們還有什麼地方會找到工作？

3. I have a vagina?

4. In your dreams, milfoid!

5. Rage can't ride a bike. This is actually true.

6. I'm the sexy shirtless gay guy who stands to greet the middle aged women as they walk through the doorway.

7. That's Nick, dumbass.

8. NO! NO! NO I DON'T!

9. I'm a good person. I'll give you a #10.

10. I have HUGE nuts!

Now here are 10 things about Rant you don't want to know. Countdown again.

10. He has special fried rice.

9. He got it from masturbating with candle wax and it went up his dick hole. And you know how the candle wax got it? Jack.

8. HE HAD SEX WITH A CANDLE.

7. "Monkey Monkey Rhino" is a sex game in which two men pile on top of one drag queen and they get it rough until someones "bone" breaks off.

6. He was busted for indecent exposure after fucking it with an Ostrich in public.

5. He is a filthy bastard child!

4. He screams "FUCKING VAGINA!" when he stubs his toe. As if.

3. I don't make Cock Norris jokes.

2. He has ORAL herpes. ORAL. (From a dog.)

1. Don't eat the hot dogs in his fridge.

-Rage

Derp

Ha! Guess what? Rage's retaliation to my lightbulb post has sparked the second Rant-Rage altercation. Remember the flamingos? This means Raging Hobbit Civil War.

1. I remember when you told the joke, and no one laughed! I still don't remember what the joke was, but it only momentous when I told it! I remember that!

2. I never said anything about quoting it, I'm talking about reading it. I hadn't even mentioned quoting it! I don't quote comics! Only people like Nick and Teddy do!

3. Its funny because when I had a Formspring, only 3 other people had it, so it wasn't for people who spend their days looking up blue waffle and then taking a tube of toothpaste and squeezing it out on the underside of their infinitesimally small penis while licking their arm hair!

4. ^^That was a necessity^^

5. YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY NEVER UNVEILED THE INTRINSIC NATURE AND SIGNIFICANCE BEHIND MONKEY MONKEY RHINO.

6. Its like the penis game. But better.

5. I went back to 5 again to test the inner brain of Raging Hobbit Readers. You failed, because you did not realize that. If Chocolate Rain is so bad, that must be why you sent me the youtube link on Facebook chat saying "LoL lUuk At tHiIss fUNyyyy shHiIit!"

6. Hm? Its funny because you are fat!

7. If you are the Raging Hobbit, then I made you, and thats friggin disgusting!

Now I will list 10 things about Rage that you don't want to know and didn't know before and you will know now because I am making a list of them!

1. Rage has Mad Cow Disease.

2. Rage hires poor Chinese boys to write his posts and pays them minimum wage.

3. Rage has blue waffle.

4. Rage has kittens and secretly makes love to them.

5. Rage can't ride a bike. This is actually true.

6. Rage works at Abercrombie.

7. Rage tells people to Google "animal porn", and also searches it on your computer when you aren't there. This is also very true.

8. Rage tells Chuck Norris jokes.

9. I will purposefully aggravate you by not having a number 10 on this list!

...Rant

Fuck you.

This means war you filthy cock-sucking-animal-fucker.

1. That happens to everyone. There's no such thing as a watermark for a joke. You can't label it. It's happened to me. That's why I never telecast my good ideas anymore. I made that resolution on FRIDAY. I did it FIRST!

2. No, you're wrong. You're totally wrong. The point I was trying to make, either way, is that quoting to it isn't funny. References aren't even that funny! Flame is funny! Flame is not lame!

3. Formspring is for people who spend their days looking up blue waffle and then taking a tube of toothepaste and squeezing it out on the underside of their infinitesimally small penis while licking their arm hair.

4. Never heard that one. Never said it either.

5. GAY! YOU QUEEROID! WHAT THE FUCK?

6. ?

5. Remember the first post says I hate people who can't count? It's SEVEN. Douchebag. And BTW, Chocolate Rain SUCKS.

6. Referring to the Hangover, eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? EH?

6. I AM the Raging Hobbit.

Now here are six things I made up. And I'll do a countdown because I am AWESOME.

6. Jesus. I made up the whole Bible. It started as a silly joke but all those crazy white people started taking it seriously. I decided to humor them and write revelations too. Dumbasses. (The Koran is the best part!)

5. The rhino-fuck-fuck-get-on-top-of-the-Asian game. Also known as Hungry Hungry Hippos.

4. Jewish stereotypes. Half of them are mine.

3. Figure skating. A great way for men to get the gay out of themselves, and for women to get killed. The less the better. They kill themselves off pretty good by driving though.

2. Penis.

1. You, Rant. I made you.

-Rage

Its Funny Because He's Fat

Because I have an important project I need to finish up, I am just going to list things that people say/do, that I made up or made famous or knew about before anyone else. Then when I told them that I was the first person to do/say that, they don't believe me.

1. Teddy once told an amazingly funny joke that I had told him. Then he told me that Rage told him the joke, even though I told rage the joke too. I don't remember what the joke is, but it it was so funny I actually fell down laughing.

2. Everybody reads Pearls Before Swine. None of my friends read it until I told them about it. Now they all say they've been reading it for ages.

3. Formspring. I was like the third person in the world to make a formspring. No joke.

4. "That was a necessity" I don't say it anymore, but I made it up. Now everyone is saying it.

5. The monkey monkey rhino game. If you don't know about it, just know that it is the best game ever and I made it up.

6. The name game. Another game that no one believes I made up.

5. Chocolate Rain. I saw that video when it had about 20,000 views. Now it has over 50 million.

6. "Its funny because he's fat!" I used to say this a lot, they even used it in The Hangover! Now whenever I say it, everyone thinks I'm quoting The Hangover.

6. The Raging Hobbit. I made it up!

...Rant

Making fun of animals....

Huhuhuhuh....FU Penguin! Huhuhuhuh! Funny! It's funny cuz Penguins R c00l!

Well you know what? Fuck you, human. Fuck you. Animals were here first. If you really want to fuck a penguin, go right ahead! And while you're at it, publish a book for $6.99 that you can get entirely free on the internet. Imagine, you and your huge, hairy nards teabagging a cute little penguin. I got a movie for you, it's called Happy Feet! It's honestly not funny. You take a picture of any animal, and then you just make rude comments! And half of you are kittens lovers! It's not even comedy! It's just so easy to do that you think you're funny. Here, I'll give it a go.

Hey! Baby ocelot! Suck my dick! Yeah you! Why don't you take your furryass gofer teeth and start nomming on cock! Yeah! My cock! I bet you'd like that because you're a stupid little animal! And maybe I'll molest you too! That's right, you stupid animal! I'm the man! I'm the man! Get up there you stupid animal! Get up there! Mmmm! That's right! Because you're a stupid animal!

Well from now on, I've decided to hunt down every human being who's ever raped an animal. Anywhere from that drunk french guy who got oral from a raccoon to Sarah Palin who took it down on that moose.

It's simply unbelievable that so many people think it's enjoyable to take a picture of a baby animal and then start beating on it. It's like people who think they're great jokesters, future comedians, but all they do is make references to pop culture shit or just blurt out quotes from "The Hangover." Everyone knows that real comedy comes when you take those same references, but then start ripping on them and the people who refer to them.

Anyway, I was prompted to do this when I was walking down the street and saw some faggot lying naked on the road fucking it with an ostrich. There was a huge white puddle on the floor, and then there's just pubes all over the place. I call over to him "Hey douchebag! Stop raping that ostrich!" So you know what he does? He starts screaming at me and then shoots at me with an M16. So now it gets out of hand. I realize how close violence and sex are. Now I know that people with guns not only hunt animals, but try to make superhuman ostrich babies with them too. Now as cool as it would be to have half-human-half-ostrich people running around, fucking animals is a tradition long past. Remember centaurs? That's what happens when you buttfuck a horse. It's a dead craze as old as incest. Only hillbillies commit incest, and you know what? Hillbillies are also the people who shoot and rape animals!

It makes perfect sense.

-Rage

Fat Pirates

You never see fat pirates...

...Rant

Toxic Cars and Cancer Babies

Have you ever been in a car, like inside of one, with leather seats? The whole car has this smell that makes you nauseated. I don't know if its like the chemicals they use in the seat or whatever, but it makes me want to throw up, and I get carsickness as SOON as I get in the car. I will never buy a car with leather seats. Although, all of the best cars have leather seats. I might just have to keep the window open whenever I'm in the car, or wear a gas mask or something. When I'm in a car for a few hours, the last thing I want is to breath in fumes and be sick the whole time. A Maybach, I could use one of those. Lets see what Wikipedia has to say.

Both the scent and what produces it vary somewhat in different kinds of cars. Most of the interior of an automobile consists of plastic held together with a number ofadhesives and sealers. When the car is first manufactured, these materials are left slightly unstable, and continue to release volatile organic compounds into the air afterward (cf. outgassing). These fumes may also come from phthalates and other plastic-softening chemicals (plasticizers) that evaporate (or outgas) over time.

Scientists who have studied the chemicals released recommend keeping new cars well ventilated while driving, especially during the summer. A 1995 analysis^[1] of the air from a new Lincoln Continental found over 50 volatile organic compounds, which were identified as coming from sources such as cleaning and lubricatingcompounds, paint, carpeting, leather and vinyl treatments, latex glue, and gasoline and exhaust fumes. An analysis two months after the initial one found a significant reduction in the chemicals. The researchers observed that the potential toxicity of many of these compounds could pose a danger to human health.

Now although I have no idea what the hell that meant, I did get one part, many of these compounds may pose a danger to human health. SEE? Not only does it smell like burning plastic, but it can kill you! MINDF*CK! Further investigation on Wikipedia-

A two-year study^[4] released in 2001 by the CSIRO in Australia found several health problems associated with these chemicals. CSIRO research scientist, Dr Stephen Brown, reported anecdotal accounts of disorientation, headache, and irritation in some drivers of new cars. He measured pollutant levels in new cars that were sufficient to cause similar effects within minutes in controlled experiments by other researchers. Chemicals found in the cars included the carcinogen benzene, two other possible carcinogens cyclohexanone and styrene, and several other toxic chemicals.

SEE? Disorientation and headache! If you're disoriented while driving, that doesn't add up too well! DEATH! Now here's the kicker, remember the 6 month science project that I blamed on my two month Raging Hobbit absence? As much as the project wants to make me dissect my eyeball via potato peeler, I actually learned something from it! In that wikipedia entry above, it says the fumes contain carcinogen benzene! I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! A carcinogen means it gives you cancer! HA! Benzene also kills you! OK, WIKIPEDIA, no matter how much Mercedes paid you to not mention that the seats kill you, YOU HEARD IT FROM RANT. Now you know the truth behind leather car seats! Benzene, cancer, and under-the-influence-of-leather-car-seat-fumes-therefore-resulting-in-being-disoriented-and-crashing-your-car-and-dying! Do yourself a favor and wear a gas mask before entering your leather seated car! Now off to another brief topic, so I was bored in the middle of writing this post, so I browsed through various infant T-shirts. IDK WHY. So I came across one particular baby T-shirt that said "FUCK CANCER!" on it. So this would be mildly hilarious, but, on a baby shirt? Really? Imagine me this, a mother is looking though her old treasures, and she runs across her daughter's old baby clothes. She shows it to her daughter. "AWWW this is what you wore when you were a baby". "Awwwww, mom, it says FUCK CANCER!" Whats next? What would I do if I saw my friends kid wearing a FUCK CANCER shirt? I would probably fake a laugh and avoid them at all costs. There are a lot of dumb baby shirts. I see a lot of baby shit at spencers. You know why? Because every teen girl that buys slutty shit there gets raped and has a baby. cause and effect. No one buys these baby shirts. Thank god, too, I never wanted to beat up a baby.

...Rant