If Sarah Palin Gets Elected in 2012, Maybe The World Will End!

On January 8th, I started a Facebook page entitled "If Paliin Gets Elected In 2012, Maybe The World WILL End!". We have accumulated over 18,000 fans since then. Of course, there are ignorant opposers to me page, who reported it. Then I had to "authenticate" my page, which basically means "prove to us that this is legit!" Well, I couldn't. Because if flat out was NOT legit. But I found a loophole. I started a blog with the same name and said, "Here! This page is related to a blog!". The blog is actually pretty lame. Only one post, one follower, and one comment. But the point is, I can do a lot when I have 18,000 people on my side. I could have promoted the Raging Hobbit, stick it in the face of a few thousand people. But I didn't, I restricted it so only like 20 people can read it. This may or may not have been a good move on my part. But with thousands of people reading the Palin blog, I can just say what I want a lot of people to see over there. Facebook is beginning to piss me off though. If they want all their pages to be legit, why is it so damn easy to make a page? It is completely Facebook's fault, and now there are millions of pages started by emo people or drama queens. You know, those pages like "You will never know how much I love you" or "When I say I love you, you don't know how much I really mean it". WHO GIVES A DAMN?? And spell your pages right, too! If you can't spell simple words, why do people start pages? Why do people want millions of fans? I'll tell you why! If you can say something to a million people right now, wouldn't that be really cool? What if you just let the whole world know what you feel like or what you're thinking? Well, my friend who has a group with one million, had that power. Then Facebook blocked his page. Damn you Facebook, and your dream squelching regulations!

...Rant

Louis Breckley

This post is an apology for me not posting in a long time. Or I could blame this on Rage. I will do that. Anyway, I just saw avatar last weekend, and I though it was good, but remember this- when you see a move in 3D- be prepared for people saying "ooh, and whoaa" the whole movie. Oh and you know at the beginning of the movie- when they tell you to turn your phone off? Well, they need to specify that you can't text/be obnoxious either. There were these two girls, about 12 or 13, laughing and texting the whole movie. It was so annoying, I wanted to put popcorn salt in their eyes.  What made it worse is that they weren't the least bit attractive.  I could tell they weren't watching the movie either, because they weren't wearing 3D glasses, and you know what a 3D movie looks like when you don't have them on. I actually wasn't planning on seeing Avatar. I was going to see Daybreakers, with the guy who writes "I hate etc etc", how ironic. But theres a dumb rule that you have be be with someone whose 18, and they don't fall for the "midget who left their ID in the car" one either. So we had to go with plan B, buy Avatar tickets and walk into Daybreakers, well, we found out that Daybreakers had started 15 minutes ago, and we had paid extra for 3D anyway. So we saw Avatar, and it was good. Well here is one thing I want to complain about. Rosetta stone customer service. They needed to know my computer type, my IP address, my email, my full name, my country, when I bought rosetta stone, the EXACT DATE (like I remember that..), and all I had to do was restart my computer. Thanks, customer service, for putting me on hold for an hour and a half! I think what I will do from now on is "talk to an agent online". I know what you're wondering right now. Who the hell is Louis Breckley? You will find out..when it is time. I will end this post with a brief summary of Avatar...

Avatar

-I'm on a wheelchair. (roller veteran rolls)

-Roller Veteran who is now huge and blue gets slapped by a blue chick.

-They're going to blow up the planet because they want a mineral, which incidentally is "unobtainable"

-Blue people revolt

-Blue people win in a 400 million dollar of FX fight.

-blue girl has a shit fit

-Blue man opens his eyes.

-*directed by James Cameron*

...Rant

George Lucas/Jon Stewart Show Interview Makes Me Want To PISS OUT MY EYEBALLS!

So good ol' John says something that I don't care about. Blah blah blah.Talk talk talk. And George Lucas says "Kids love Jar Jar Binx!"

WHAT THE HELL??????? WTF-ing TF!!!!!

Now normally I'm not one to complain about George Lucas's 2005+ halfass decisions, butright now I want to hold in my bladder until my eyes pop off and I die, so I will never have to experience this horrendous act any longer. Here's a summary of what I think of Jar Jar Binx:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFcs9hIn_Qs

Now did you know Jar Jar's father's name is George? Young Jar Jar with... George...



If you can find me one person who like Jar Jar Binx, then I will rearrange the order of the universe and set it back to 0.

Thank you.

Rage. Note, this is a horrible post, but that doesn't matter because nobody reads this stuff anymore!

Wheelchairs and Ethnic Kids

Usually I start a post with some stupid intro thing or random thing I want to say. Not this time. I will just jump right into the topic. I hate in my spanish textbook all the problems they give. This goes for geometry, too. Its just, the word problems. The peoples names are always exotic ethnic names like Figi or Rauoco. What happened to Dick and Jane? And the people are always doing something completely mundane thing that no one does anymore. Figi and Rauoco collect leaves and press them into books. Figi and Rouoco collect stamps. Figi and Rauoco are trading bubble gum cards. I hate especially when they have pictures of kids in textbooks. They are always either a minority or they're on a wheelchair. At least if they're on a wheelchair, make the question be related to it somehow (i.e. Rauoco was counting the fractures in his leg..). Actually, the majority of people aren't minorities. If you were smart, I wouldn't have to say that. The problem is that if a sensitive minority parent sees to many white kids in a textbook, they're all like, make that kid Indian! Or if he's white, at least break his legs and put him on a wheelchair! So they do this so much, to the point where it loses its purpose. I have no problem with seeing minorities in a textbook, but really. Another problem is that the people who write the books usually aren't minorities, they make up ethnic names that sound more racist than realistic. And another problem is that the people who write these books are old and they make the kids do dumb things they did when they were a kid that no one does anymore. We should have problems that would look like this- Dick and Jane were playing mw2.. or Dick and Jane were blogging.. I bet that's what the next generation of textbook will look like when people my age are writing them. Well I suppose the things we do might be outdated by then anyway..well you know what? We should just not have word problems! They piss me off anyway! Ok, so what is happening to Hobbit Spawn? "Check This Shiz Out" got deleted by the author, "Q-ing" mysteriously left the world of internet, and "I Hate Etc. Etc." went to war with us! I think some outside force is slowly killing Hobbit Spawn and is on its way to kill The Raging Hobbit. That may be another reason I made this blog private. Anyway, Rage still hasn't posted. But he HAS complained about my making this blog private. I already gave you a million reasons why I made this blog private. Another one is that some followers were complaining that they didn't want their name on the internets. Slowly I will list reasons why we went private once more........stupid people.....privacy....outside blog assassin forces...annoying spoiled enthusiasts. Bye.

...Rant

Sunday Morning.

I have to work on a science project. Rage should be posting this, not me. Well, I guess I have to say something. I hate how teachers won't let me play poker even if were not betting anything. Its just like any other card game! Whats wrong with poker? Its fun! Also, teachers won't let me outside if I don't have a jacket, because they aren't responsible if I get sick. Give yourself time to think about that. If they weren't responsible, why would they care? Saying they aren't responsible is the poorest excuse anyone could make. I just realized that there is a shift button on the right side of my keyboard that I have never pressed. Now I will press it. Ok, I pressed it. I have to work now.

...Rant

Big News And Dumb People

If you are reading this, you have discovered that The Raging Hobbit has become private. That means that only selected few can read our blog. You may ask us why we did this. I have just discovered that the Raging Hobbit has spread out to a lot more people I don't know. When I started the blog, I thought it would be cool to have a lot of readers, but I realized that a lot of information I say about my friends and myself, I would not want random stalkers looking at. So If you are reading this, congratulate yourself, you are one of the selected few that has been chosen to read this blog. Now I will start the post. People have been telling me about the Raging Hobbit changing from posts about a thing I hate, to posts about a million things I hate. This is the reason. I started this blog at the end of summer break, when my life was uneventful. Which is good, don't get me wrong. So I wrote a lot about one thing I hate. The reason I change topics a lot in my posts, is because now that my life has more unfortunate events, I have to cram them into one post, and if I only did one event per post, I would lose tracks and things that seemed big in the past would look stupid if I blogged about it a few weeks later. So if you don't like the new Raging Hobbit, shut up and wait till summer cause were not changing. Now I will talk about Advil containers. I bet some stupid mother let her kid take a million Advils or something, because now they make them so only "Adults" can open them. You like have to press the sides and bang it on something, then all the little advils come flying out of the container anyway for your child to feast upon. Simple solution, hide your Advil! Advil doesn't need to make "child proof" caps if the container isn't in plain sight anyway. Its like the "No Child Left Behind" act. They make things for really stupid people (i.e. people who let their kids much on advil tablets). And then the people with sense have to suffer. Like how many people are going to rip open a silicon packet and eat it? If you are at the age where you can read the words "do not eat" anyway, you could probably know that it isn't safe. You know what? These companies sell their stuff to everyone, smart and stupid alike, which is what I was getting at. The Raging Hobbit used to be accessible by everyone, stupid and smart. Now, with our invite system, only smart people get o read our blog! Think of us like Advil if they stopped selling their medicine to dumb people. They wouldn't have to make child proof caps. Now I DON'T have to write at the lowest common denominator! Not that I have been anyway...well now that you thoroughly understand why we because private, that's why.

..Rant

Raging Hobbit Moment Of Silence

We are currently in a moment of silence. Two followers cannot currently access their computers. One has lost internet. One can't open the Raging Hobbit homepage, and can only read the previews on Facebook, which are only the first four sentences. One is on vacation. One was ice fishing in Alaska and got kidnapped by eskimos. These five followers (disregarding the last one) also happen to be our most dedicated readers, and have not been able to see our most recent posts. But I feel bad not posting, so I will briefly talk about magic tricks. When someone shows you a magic trick, please do not steal the cards, look at them, count them, try to memorize them, punch the magician in the face, or rip the cards. All of the previous happened today when I stunned the world with my beastly magic tricks. So if you are reading this, and I show you a magic trick, please cooperate or I may have to staple your hands together and blindfold you. Also, heads up, when you play Wii boxing, you do NOT actually punch the other guy, you punch at the screen. So if you ever play me in Wii boxing, PLEASE remember this!

...Rant

Paging Dr. Fail

So my Christmas tree died today. It shouldn't have ran out of water, I had only been away for a few days. But that's not why. My cat has some kind of phobia of his own water dish, so he tends to drink out of my dogs, which is too big for him and he usually soaks his whole face, or, during the Christmas season, when he drinks out of my Christmas tree water. See that, up there? I caught him red-handed! So I know a lot of you are going to comment "OMG that is tooo cute! I am ttly ROFLMAO from this!" Shut up! My Christmas tree has feelings too, and if he was physically fit, he could shank you! I bet he's already pissed at me for trying lights around his and hanging little plastic birds. Rage wouldn't know. He's Jewish. I bet you didn't know that either. Also, I have concluded that my cat is also an alcoholic and a prostitute. Don't believe me? See pictures below! He's sleeping with my dog and my islamic teddy bear! (The one with the red turban). Paging Dr. Fail. Anyway, enough about my cat! I am now going to talk about stuffed shells! So which genius came up with the idea to take a big shell shaped pasta and fill it with ricotta? It looks like an atomically poisoned ravioli. And it feels like you're eating an armadillo. An armadillo with white guts and a soft shell. Whoever thought of stuffed shells obviously had a rivalry with armadillos. Paging Dr. Fail. It's worse even, that the same type of food has been replicated like eight different ways. Manicotti? Ravioli? They are all the same basic idea. So which is my favorite? Stuffed shells. They taste good. So the next time you eat a stuffed shell, manicotti, or ravioli, don't forget that you can make tons of money replicating the same thing! I am going to make a new food called armadillocotti, and take two giant slabs of pasta, and put ricotta and sauce in the middle so it's like a pasta sandwinch! I bet that would taste good. Wait...lasagna? No...it's totally different. A few more things to make this post long. I will make a short list on possible future Raging Hobbit topic discussions.

1. A sign that says "30% more free" Think about it for a while.

2. UFOs and Dennis Kucinich

3. "Auld Lang Syne". What is auld lang syne anyway?

4. Megan Fox

5. Jack Fields

6. My dog

7. Mormons

8. Dumb lists

9. Ran out of ideas, but I need to annoy you by not having an even ten ideas!

...Rant

The Return of Roppy!

HEy! LiKE LOL! RoPPYS BAC!

Actually, not really. But that got your attention right? I hope so, because I'm going to bring in the new year by talking about the funniest thing on earth. Your mom. In collaboration with most of the followers I've brought up the essential list to "Yo Momma" disses.

Ready? (No, I'm not posting this only because I have nothing better to do.)

Fat Category

1. Yo momma's so fat that when she had a period she bled the red sea.
2. Yo momma's so fat that when she ate a big mac they called it the western expansion
3. Yo momma's so fat that she was put in a line up with Peter Griffin and Santa Claus
4. Yo momma's so fat that when she walked on the beach a whale came up to her and started singing " we are family."
5. Yo momma's so fat that she has more curves than space in the presence of a massive object.
6. Yo momma's so fat she makes her own gravity well.
7. Yo momma's so fat that you need three cars, to buses, and a train to get to her good side-

You know what? Fuck this. I'm sure some douchey website by two guys has a better list than this.

I need a subject. I need inspiration! Somebody give me inspiration! I can't think of anything! Damnit!

-10 minutes later-

So Batman and Robin rush to the scene to see some crackhead clown guy huffing the gas out of Harley Quin's car's tailpipe. So Robin says "Holy hindenburg Batman! What are we going to do? They have a truck!"

B: Don't worry pigeon! We have the batmobile!

R: Wait Batman? Do we have the gay 1950's one or the bad ass one from the Dark Night?

B: Um...

R: Let's take the batcycle instead.

Nanananananananana.....

5 minutes later, in the midst of a great car chase between Batman and the Joker

R: Great gatsby Batman! It's Poison Ivy!

B: Then forget the Joker dodo! Let's get laid!

PI: Hey Batty, would you like to grow your mushroom in my barn?

J: Hey, wait! I want some of this!

Just then, two face and bane show up!

B: Holy crap! You guys are hideous.

TF: Hey, no name calling.

BA: Hulk Smash!!!!

But wait, an even great gathering of villains!

The walls break down, and a deformed figure with tentacles and a huge head step into the building.

B: No, it can't be!

R: Wait, shouldn't the Penguin be here?

B: This can't be happening!

Villains United: Not the ultimate evil!

Mysterious figure: I am the ruthless, the one, the only... NICK HARRAS!

B: No!!! We'll call him and call him and he'll never answer the phone....

But then, a great hero comes to save the day!

B: It's a bird, it's a plane... it's...Luke Skywalker?

Hero: No! I am Jack Fields!

But across the building, something is happening... it's a sniper!

And so, Jack Fields died that day.

And then the world blew up.

The end.

And that my freinds, is the screen play of Batman 3, the movie that will bring mass chaos into the world if it sucks, because no one will have anything to live for again.

Thank you for reading. And now, I present to you more "stolen" screenplays, Indiana Jones 5, Attack of the Bones and Avatar 2, return to felucia!

I: My names really Henry!

M: Nobody likes me! Why can't people appreciate the great Shia!

I: Hey now, stick to the writing.

M: No! I am Shia LeBeowulf! People will love me! SOMEBODY LOVE ME!

M: I know! I will star in a vampire sex movie! Now everyone will love me! Everyone!

George Lucas: Damnit!

And Avatar 2:

Blue Guy: Hey! I wonder why everyone loves this movie! It's completely unoriginal, but oh well!

Blue hot girl: I got an idea, let's make more money with a squeakquel!

Blue Guy: Yeah! And we can also give millions of dollars to (company will sue me if I name it) for advertising!

So there were three screenplays. Ready for some more?

Iron Man 2:

IM: It's elementary my dear Watson!

Iron Monger: GIVE ME YOUR WIFE!

And Spiderman 4:

S: What the hell? I'm not doing this!

Finally, Transformers 3:

Optimus Prime: NOOO! SHIA LEBAUF!

BOOM!
BOOM!
BOOM!

MEGAN FOX!

BOOM!
KA POW!

MEGAN FOX!!!!

BOOSH!

KA BOOM!

MEGAN FOOOOOX!

[Rants Updates for 2011- Batman 3 is  actually going to have bane in it.  Spiderman 4 was scratched by Sam Raimi.  Transformers 3 sucked hard.  Iron man 2-  Mickey Rourke kicks ass]

-Rage