Happy Black Friday!

27...28...29...

Oh hi there! I've just been tallying the number of people that have died at that one Wal*Mart here this morning! Did you know that at the rate it's going, Wal*Mart will have killed as many people as Quentin Tarantino by the end of today? A new record! Now, I've counted out the facts. On this day, named for the stock market crash for some obscure reason, in the past 20 years, it was not ToysRus; not Target; not even Bush; but Wal*Mart who has killed the most people. And still, foolish fat Americans and their 6-year-old whiny kids who have nothing better to do but buy out dated toys and video games at .0000001% off risk their lives by entering a store designed to fit half as many people. Men, women, and children have been trampled, shot, hosed, and even squashed to death inside Wal*Mart. Did you know that it is guaranteed that at least 1 person in every Wal*Mart on this day will have an injury. And that ranges from a cut on ones finger to decapitation. This year, they are increasing security. Great, even less room!

If you are here, and now, I am very glad you are. Because that must mean you are not out shopping. Unless you're a total jackass and you're paying $10 a minute to get internet on your old crappy phone... that you bought at Wal*Mart.

You're lucky this site can't take more than 1 image at a time and process it correctly, because I have a bunch of pictures to show. But, let's get down to basics. Why the hell is black friday called black friday?

It's said to be a reference to traffic. I think it's actually related to the fact that when you get a concussion, you black out and then keel over. Everyone get's concussions today! Right now, I am sitting at home drinking hot coco by the fire place, watching the Black Friday forecast on youtube live. Look, someone just died!

Have a wonderful day, and rest assured the percentage of death today increases by the percentage of "great" deals that are going on at big box stores. An Xbox for ten dollars! All you have to do is lose both limbs!

-Rage