...that was telling me to vote for Jon Corzine. It was one of those machine calls, so you can't tell the guy to take you off the list. Ok, I am going to vote! Chill out! I don't need a million flyers on my door telling me to vote, the only thing that does is make me LESS willing to vote because I hate flyers and robot calls and spam E-Mails! Everyone join me, in the revolt against robot callers. Here's how it works. You wait for the robot to finish talking. Now as if that wasn't hard enough, you have you choose the option to talk to a real person. Here's what NOT to do- Tell the guy to take you off the list. Because they are told that if someone asks that, they have to hang up the phone, and nothing gets accomplished. Heres what to do.
Ask the telemarketer to marry you. Seriously, this will probably shock them and they won't know what to say.
When they ask for the man of the house, ask them to hold; then put a 2-year-old on the phone.
Talk really fast.
Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static.
Make up your own language. Speak it.
Hang up.
Make up a one word language. Speak it.
Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?"
If they say "Yes" to number 6 say, "Please state the nature of the emergency." Then insist that their emergency isn't an emergency. Hang up.
If they say "No" to number 6 say, "I'm sorry but this line is for emergencies only." Hang up.
Pretend you just took hostages, and make demands.
Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the telemarketer to release the hostages.
Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub.
Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! "
Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.
Claim to be the mafia.
Say, "Moe's tavern Moe speaking."
Say something that Moe would say to Bart after Bart makes a prank call.
Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper subscription.
Say, "Oh no! It's the Feds! They're on to us!"
Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. How may I help you?"
Dial *69. Wait about a minute and say, "Dang unreliable *69."
Speak a foreign language.
If you do # 24 and the telemarketer gets a person who speaks the language you used, speak another language, use a made up language, or say that you were speaking English the whole time.
Say, "Help! I'm being robbed! He's got a gun!"
Communicate only through Morse code.
Talk to the telemarketer. During the conversation dial the phone, and ask for Bill. Do this repeatedly.
Try to sell the telemarketer something.
Act drunk.
Turn on your shower. Say that you are on a portable phone and are really late for an important meeting. Scream as though you were electrocuted.
Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is a strong scent of bacon over the phone.
Ask if he/she has been to Australia. Regardless of his/her answer ask if you can buy a boomerang and didgeridoo.
If he/she says "No" to #36 insist that he/she buy yours.
If he/she says "Yes" to #36 ask if he/she will take a strange currency.
Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently.
Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy because you couldn't see him/her dance.
Make him/her sing to get a sale.
If a male sings for #41, claim that he sounds like Brittany Spears.
If a female sings for #41, claim that she sounds like Barry White.
Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."
Engage him/her in an "intellectual" conversation on an extremely boring subject.
Say nothing until he/she hangs up.
Say, "I told you. I don't know where your dog is!" Then hang up.
Keep crackers near the phone. When a telemarketer calls eat the crackers. Chew loudly, make slurping noises, and talk with your mouth full. If you want pretend that you are choking.
After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone number. Call the telemarketer.
Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.
If he/she is selling a newspaper or magazine, go on and on about how great another newspaper/magazine is.
Pretend you are a telemarketer from a rival company. Get him/her to buy your product.
Say, "Yes" immediately to whatever they are selling and hang up immediately afterwards.
Get a dog or cat and let it lick and step all over the phone.
When they ask for the man of the house, ask them to hold; then put a 2-year-old on the phone.
Talk really fast.
Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static.
Make up your own language. Speak it.
Hang up.
Make up a one word language. Speak it.
Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?"
If they say "Yes" to number 6 say, "Please state the nature of the emergency." Then insist that their emergency isn't an emergency. Hang up.
If they say "No" to number 6 say, "I'm sorry but this line is for emergencies only." Hang up.
Pretend you just took hostages, and make demands.
Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the telemarketer to release the hostages.
Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub.
Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! "
Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.
Claim to be the mafia.
Say, "Moe's tavern Moe speaking."
Say something that Moe would say to Bart after Bart makes a prank call.
Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper subscription.
Say, "Oh no! It's the Feds! They're on to us!"
Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. How may I help you?"
Dial *69. Wait about a minute and say, "Dang unreliable *69."
Speak a foreign language.
If you do # 24 and the telemarketer gets a person who speaks the language you used, speak another language, use a made up language, or say that you were speaking English the whole time.
Say, "Help! I'm being robbed! He's got a gun!"
Communicate only through Morse code.
Talk to the telemarketer. During the conversation dial the phone, and ask for Bill. Do this repeatedly.
Try to sell the telemarketer something.
Act drunk.
Turn on your shower. Say that you are on a portable phone and are really late for an important meeting. Scream as though you were electrocuted.
Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is a strong scent of bacon over the phone.
Ask if he/she has been to Australia. Regardless of his/her answer ask if you can buy a boomerang and didgeridoo.
If he/she says "No" to #36 insist that he/she buy yours.
If he/she says "Yes" to #36 ask if he/she will take a strange currency.
Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently.
Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy because you couldn't see him/her dance.
Make him/her sing to get a sale.
If a male sings for #41, claim that he sounds like Brittany Spears.
If a female sings for #41, claim that she sounds like Barry White.
Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."
Engage him/her in an "intellectual" conversation on an extremely boring subject.
Say nothing until he/she hangs up.
Say, "I told you. I don't know where your dog is!" Then hang up.
Keep crackers near the phone. When a telemarketer calls eat the crackers. Chew loudly, make slurping noises, and talk with your mouth full. If you want pretend that you are choking.
After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone number. Call the telemarketer.
Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.
If he/she is selling a newspaper or magazine, go on and on about how great another newspaper/magazine is.
Pretend you are a telemarketer from a rival company. Get him/her to buy your product.
Say, "Yes" immediately to whatever they are selling and hang up immediately afterwards.
Get a dog or cat and let it lick and step all over the phone.
Now, that should probably cause the telemarketer to get angry, now if he hears these a bunch, he may quit his/her job, and if a bunch of people do this, the entire telemarketer community will all lose their jobs and/or commit suicide! Hahahahaha!!! Yes, I know, this probably won't work, in fact, It won't work, but it's fun anyway. Now, you can enjoy your next call from a telemarketer, thanks to your buddy Rant!
...Rant
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