Michael Swordout

   
    God! This guy! Micheal Swordout! He is totally da bomb! I don't know how I could live without Micheal Swordout. Mike's just so awesome. I remember once, I was out drinking, because I am 21 years of age. And Mike was all like "WASSUP!" And we were all like, "NO WAY! MIKEY!!" And we bro hugged until 4:00am, when we were escorted out by the people who owned the bar.
     Mike and I, right, ya know, right. We had the same job, right? Ya know. Anyway, our boss was all like, "Rage and Mr. Swordout! Come into my office!" and we totally did, right. I know. And he was all pissed and shit. And he said, "Did you eat company food? Myah! I'm an asshole!" (I should mention I worked at Burger King.) And I was all like, "No way, bro!" (I totally did though) and our Boss was all like, "You're fired! I like dick in my ass! Myah!!!" And Mikey essploaded all over our Bossman! He was all like, "Fuck you, Bossman! I don't even know your name, bro! Fuck you! I had sex wid your wife!!" And I was like, "OOOOHHHH SHIT!!!" Ya know I mean? And the bossman was all like... shocked and shit. And Mikey beat him up with his computer. He bleed a lot. I was like... covered in the Bossman's blood. Then Mikey made me run away and we burned his house down and some shit. Mikey's a badass. Like toats.
    Another time I was baking cookies with Mikey, and it was really awkward because we had nothing to talk about.
    All of Mikey's friends are either stupid or angstsacks.
    BUT MIKEY!!! The SWORDMAN'S DA BOOOOOOMMMB!!!! He's sooo cool! If I could legally marry him, I would. If I could somehow get impregnated me, I would let him do it, at the most 14 times... maybe 16. I would make a family with him. And Live in a Cape Cod on Long Island. And life would be good. And the days would be long. We would waste them together. We would teach our kids how to bike and fish and—HEY! Whatchyu lookin' at, nigga!!?? I diden mean none dat, nigga! I'm not a fag, nigga! Mikey's just da shit. Man. Ya know I mean.

...rage