Raging Hobbit Growth

This blog is totally cool and stuff.  The problem is that no one fucking reads our blog.  This occured to me a few weeks ago, when I was designing the template and stuff for this website.  (See that gleaming Raging Hobbit logo up top?  Yeah, that was me. Fuck everyone).  And then there was the App!  The almost-possible Raging Hobbit App!  The one where I designed an app icon, a splash screen, and a cool header, and spent 4 hours putting it on a website that advertised as being "free".  Yeah, but it was 100 dollars.  A year.  Fuck.  Anyway, I looked at all my design shit and I decided that this blog had too much potential to only be read by like 6 assholes who only read it when I tell them to.

So heres what I did.

1.  I spammed the shit out of Omegle with Raging Hobbits name everywhere
2.  I submitted the blog to StumbleUpon.
3.  I sent 20+ angry fuming emails to that fucking App website.

The effects

1.  One asian girl on Omegle told all her asian friends about the site.  Our blog traffic is now 60% yellow.  I hurried back and frantically deleted every asian joke from every Raging Hobbit post.
2. We got many views and likes on Stumbleupon.  One hot girl is now following our blog.
3.  I got a reply message saying "Sorry, your email has been forwarded to an unchecked inbox because we are dedicated cunts."

So I like making lists.  After ranting about some random thing, Teddy told me yesterday to just one day spew out every single thing I hate.  I told him that would take more than one day. Instead of doing that, I'm going to make a list of the first few things that come to mind when I hear "Things Rant Hates".  Here I go.

Rant's "You Go To Hell!" List.

1.  People who walk around with metal detectors.
2.  People who debate about whether cats or dogs are better.
3.  People who jack off on Omegle.
4.  People who use Omegle.
5.  People who can't rip duct tape.
6.  People who spell god "G-d"  because they are snobby shitheaded religious fucks.
6.  People who refer to themselves as "hippies".
7.  People who bring up porn/masturbation as a normal topic of conversation.
8.  People who won't shut the fuck up and let me think.
9.  People who walk around saying facts like "Satan is actually an angel!!"  and think they're cool shit.
10.  People who run at me carrying metal serrated dildos.
11.  Anyone with more than three eyes.
12.  When an Indian kid walks up to me and starts to suck my blood.

There you go.  The first 12 things I think of when I think of things I hate.  An interesting concept.  If we had any readers at all, I'd ask you to make your own hate list below, but no one reads this blog, except for some asians.  U rikEy rice???


...rant