First off, let me start by saying a much funnier image would have been posted above if it hadn't been for the fact that I'd get my pants sued off. So, go ahead and Google "Satan Wal*Mart" to find true comedy. Next, the second image option was off JFK smiling and waving. The first picture that showed up was his open bloody head. I really needed to see that. So instead I give you some "lolcats", which brings me to my list of conspiracies.
#1. Lolcats is a communist Russian website dedicated to brainwashing American children to ship over home-made nuclear bombs! I know, because I was halfway through that trance when I woke up. You just gotta have a daily dosage of those adorable little animals!
#2. "Ihateetcetc.com" It's existence depends on our endorsement, we subsidize it, basically. And even if this is a free website, I've got to tell you that we are taking bribes. Go ahead government, seize us!
#3. This website. It's actually dedicated to brainwashing Russian children to bring nuclear bombs to the military. Oh look, I'm deep throat! (Please note, I originally typed "George W. Bush before I typed the military, but I don't want to use nukes and Bush in the same sentence.)
#4. "Report offensive" internet buttons. If they really did something, then we'd be long gone. In fact, they are there to drain bandwidth from the world.
#5. Wal*Mart! This is the true heart of the universe. They exist in over 678 countries around the world, according to their website, and I'm pretty damn sure that there aren't that many. There's more, but I'm too tired to write a full paragraph.
#6. JFK/Lincoln. This is how they were actually killed:
Now, doesn't that explain everything?
#7. Google Voice. It doesn't actually exist. If it did, I'd have heard of it before I read Rant's stupid post.
#8. Skippy peanut butter. I read the back of the can. CONTAINS MARGARINE.
#9. Facebook. It's actually designed to brainwash Liberian children to make nuclear bombs for the Aliens who killed Abe Lincoln.
#10. Star Wars: Anything after Return of the Jedi. They don't exist. They are a lie. If they were real (if I hadn't blocked them from my mind,) I would have already jumped off a bridge. I'm alive and...not necessarily healthy, but I'm alive and...and there are no such things as Clones!!!!!!!
#11. Dolly the Sheep. There are no such things as Clones!!!!!!
#12. To wrap it all up, I'm revealing the truth behind the biggest conspiracy of all. Not Nixon. Not the truth behind the Cleavland Show... BALLOON BOY! Yes, the dumb little six year old with nutjob parents who told him to hide in the attic while they let loose a balloon. Some say it was a publicity stunt, but I know better. They wasted 60,000 some dollars on military services, and while all of Colorado was intent on watching some kid fall and splat, they missed the fact that Phidel Castro--You know what, I better not talk about Cuba. A few years ago they got a fresh shipment of nukes from Myspace users...
-Rage
#1. Lolcats is a communist Russian website dedicated to brainwashing American children to ship over home-made nuclear bombs! I know, because I was halfway through that trance when I woke up. You just gotta have a daily dosage of those adorable little animals!
#2. "Ihateetcetc.com" It's existence depends on our endorsement, we subsidize it, basically. And even if this is a free website, I've got to tell you that we are taking bribes. Go ahead government, seize us!
#3. This website. It's actually dedicated to brainwashing Russian children to bring nuclear bombs to the military. Oh look, I'm deep throat! (Please note, I originally typed "George W. Bush before I typed the military, but I don't want to use nukes and Bush in the same sentence.)
#4. "Report offensive" internet buttons. If they really did something, then we'd be long gone. In fact, they are there to drain bandwidth from the world.
#5. Wal*Mart! This is the true heart of the universe. They exist in over 678 countries around the world, according to their website, and I'm pretty damn sure that there aren't that many. There's more, but I'm too tired to write a full paragraph.
#6. JFK/Lincoln. This is how they were actually killed:
Now, doesn't that explain everything?#7. Google Voice. It doesn't actually exist. If it did, I'd have heard of it before I read Rant's stupid post.
#8. Skippy peanut butter. I read the back of the can. CONTAINS MARGARINE.
#9. Facebook. It's actually designed to brainwash Liberian children to make nuclear bombs for the Aliens who killed Abe Lincoln.
#10. Star Wars: Anything after Return of the Jedi. They don't exist. They are a lie. If they were real (if I hadn't blocked them from my mind,) I would have already jumped off a bridge. I'm alive and...not necessarily healthy, but I'm alive and...and there are no such things as Clones!!!!!!!
#11. Dolly the Sheep. There are no such things as Clones!!!!!!
#12. To wrap it all up, I'm revealing the truth behind the biggest conspiracy of all. Not Nixon. Not the truth behind the Cleavland Show... BALLOON BOY! Yes, the dumb little six year old with nutjob parents who told him to hide in the attic while they let loose a balloon. Some say it was a publicity stunt, but I know better. They wasted 60,000 some dollars on military services, and while all of Colorado was intent on watching some kid fall and splat, they missed the fact that Phidel Castro--You know what, I better not talk about Cuba. A few years ago they got a fresh shipment of nukes from Myspace users...
-Rage
where is the lunchables part??
ReplyDelete...Rant