Kittens...

Well, I was going to post this thing called "Funny Video," the most hilarious thing ever, and add a picture of a gasping face, but when I Googled "gasp," all that came up was, no, not porn, but kittens; which are nude; therefore kitten porn.


Trust me, kittens are the worst things to happen to America since Canadian television! Anyway, so I realized what the true meaning of lolcats and icanhazcheezeburger (sorry guys, that ain't Kosher!) and it's actually internet porn for desperate old women, deranged high school boys, and unsuspecting liberal communists!

Picture this: Laura Bush is sitting in her and W's room, throwing nuke-shaped darts at a map of the middle east taped to her wall, when all of a sudden she bangs her elbow on the keyboard of her 4,000 pound fuming 1970's computer (Raceless, not Mac or PC,) and then the screen goes up showing a giant picture of a kitten slammed against the window. A huge, furry kitten, it's genitals just hanging out there. Mrs. Bush becomes sweaty. What will George and Jed think when they find out she has a secret lust for kittens? Everyone knows for certain that it's a Bush family tradition to eat kittens! She locks the door, and gets freaky. Like, really freaky. That cat was just to badass to resist. Shaking, she puts her hand on the mouse and clicks the "next" button. She reads the words "iM in UR hoUse, eaTing uR MOUSE!!!1." It's so great, our former first lady passes out. It's unimportant what happens when they find her. (Apologies to Laura Bush.)

Okay. That was disgusting! Don't you see how cats can turn people mad so fast? Now, many of you may have already ejaculated because of the above image. To those who soiled something, I apologize, but I also know many of you read this blog in your birthday suit because at every corner the words are like a gigantic breast in your face. Do you feel the cushiony goodness? That's right.

So, now I'll read you some of my favorite quotes from Icanhazcheesburger. "iM in ur houSe, fuck'n ur WIFE." "iM iN ur house, playing with my DICK" By far my favorite, "iM in ur caR, rape'n uR FAMLY with my tinY cat NARDS!!!11" Perfect examples of the true life of cats, exposed!

Next up in line for people who look at kittens on the internet are people who either love animals and think "theyre so CUTE," and people who have OCD and think they are Catwoman. "Hey batBITCH, look at THESE babies!"

In conclusion, cat lovers are retards.

-Rage

EDIT: Holy fuck! 100th post! (By technicality, actually 98th post.)