Old Fat Balding Men

It took me considerable time to think about something to write. I decided to categorize people into basic groups, and match certain features with certain habits. That is a long way of saying that I am about to list a few dozen stereotypes. But the thing about stereotypes, is, no matter how much you disapprove of them, they are always true. How else would they get started? Nobody just starts saying "Irish men have huge nipples" or "Dominicans have a Dremel breaking habit". I am about to categorize everyone on the planet. Don't take this the wrong way. NOTE- This is the cut version I made. The original uncut is on the back of my spanish worksheet. See Rant.

Fat People: Stupid. Have deep voices. Like to pretend to sing country music. Like to play with their belly fat. Like to jump up and down and watch their entire body change shape like a big sack of jelly loosely wrapped in Glad.

Men With Long Hair: Are Rastafarian and/or ex-hippie. Like to meditate.

Poets: Suicidal, emotionally insecure. Like to pretend to be really smart.

Lawyers: Assholes.

Babies: To be served with mushroom.

Skinny People: Have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Have one testicle.

Gay People: Are Homosexual.

Tall People: Play saxophone. Have chapped lips. Name their pieces of shit.

People With Buzz Cuts: In the army.

Pilots: Southern accents.

Blonde Tall Men With Lisps: Like to sing George Harrison in the shower while washing their lower backs with dish soap.

Japanese People: Eat Viagra and Horse meat with their Ice-Cream.

Old Fat Balding Men: Now I get to the best part. I can rip on old fat balding men as much as I want, because no one will get offended. No ones going to say, "Hey, I'm an old fat balding man and I am offended!" But I know who they are. And deep inside, they do too. Have you ever noticed how they always smoke? And their skin is like two different colors. I think thats called Vitiligo. They look like cows, with their patches of skin ad their fat and baldness. They're also assholes, too. They always look at children with their yellow-cancerous eyes like they want to kill you, except the funny thing about old fat balding people is that they cant move to well, so they just kind of look at you like, "hey, I want to kill you, but I won't, because if I attempt to move out of this subway chair without assistance, I may fall into cardiac arrest". You always run into one in a subway. Its like their home-base, because people always have to give up their seats for them. The funny thing, though, is when they sit down, they immediately occupy the seat they are in, and the two adjacent seats. So really, 6 handicap-reserved seats=room for 2 old fat balding men. Ratio is 3:1. You can do better, old fat balding men.

...Rant